


A is for Atrocity

by Laurahollisinatardis



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F, Sparia - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 03:30:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 49,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11500875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurahollisinatardis/pseuds/Laurahollisinatardis
Summary: When Spencer is asked to join the A team, will her relationships come tumbling down as she is forced to obey A? She also may or may not be developing feelings for a certain small brunette...





	1. VAnillA pudding is for bitches

The phone in Spencer’s pocket chimed melodically, and her heart sped up. Another A text? She didn’t even want to look at it. Anxiety churned in her stomach as she tried to calm her frazzled nerves with a bit of history homework. She tried her hardest to concentrate on Queen Elisabeth but ultimately failed, nabbing the phone and pressing the unlock button. 

Spencer held her breath and squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to know what kind of threat she was dealing with yet. Then again, what if it was a timed threat and A would suddenly set her house on fire if she didn’t open it. Or kill one of her friends. Oh god, what if A already killed someone? 

Quit being paranoid, Spencer. Don’t let A get to you. 

As soon as she opened her eyes, her stomach flipped and she felt instantly nauseous.

I spy with my little eye, a little liar who deserves to die. Unless you join the A team that is. Choice is yours, Spencie! CHOOSE WISELY. Kisses -A

A little liar who deserves to die? Spencer could feel sweat forming as her limbs jittered with nerves. How could she possibly join the A team knowing how much pain it has caused her, Aria, Hanna, and Emily? But on the other hand, one of them could ultimately die….She knew A wasn’t ‘all bark and no bite’, but would they really go as far as to actually kill one of her friends? Sure, they had had close calls with death (Aria in the box on the train, Hanna getting hit by a car, and Emily almost being sawed in half), but A couldn’t possibly go that far...Right?

Wrong. And Spencer knew that. A could have been Ali’s killer...if Alison were dead...Spencer had few suspicions that her former blonde best friend was still alive, but some days she really doubted herself.

She chewed her lip nervously, fingers hovering over the keyboard on her phone. She took a deep breath to compose herself and let the wheels in her mind begin to turn. If she decided to say no to A, that could mean impending doom for her and her closest friends. Or, she could say yes, but have to be a part of the endless torture. Or, Spencer thought, a slight smirk forming as her brain turned over a new idea, I could say yes and be an insider to A’s games.

\---

About an hour after she had replied a sharp “Fine, I’ll join” to the A text, Spencer heard a loud crash come from below her bedroom. Startled and thinking it could be yet another A trap backfiring from her response, she quietly crept toward her door and slowly turned the handle. Trying to make as little noise as possible, she softly padded down the steps, her eyes adjusting to the darkened kitchen and living room space. Her parents were out in various meetings and Melissa was never home. Not that she would care about Spencer’s safety or well-being anyway. 

Spencer tiptoed toward where her mother housed her collection of knives and slowly pulled a sharp one from the block. If there really was an intruder in the house, she didn’t know if she’d have enough guts to even use the damn thing. 

A random breeze tugged at the loose strands of hair framing her face, and confused, Spencer glanced toward the glass door to find it ajar. Distracted by the cool air tickling her face, she gently placed the knife on the counter and made her way to the door. A rumpled brown package lay just outside of it, tied off with a white string and a note snug underneath. Having a pretty good hunch on who the mysterious package was from, Spencer ripped the note off, her blood turning to ice as her suspicions were confirmed. 

Have fun playing dress up, bitch! Kisses! -A

Tucking a strand of her dark velvet hair behind her ear, Spencer stooped down to tear into the package. Underneath the layers of wrapping, she found exactly what she thought would be there. A black hoodie. Classy. 

She didn’t like the idea of “turning against her friends”, but she had to get close enough to the source in order to find out exactly who A was, and how to take them down. Spencer knew she was smart enough to figure it out. She just didn’t know when the opportunity would arise. 

Glancing around nervously, Spencer slowly closed the door, cutting out the cool air and noises outside. Everything was silent, which was slightly disturbing since there was always a humming coming from one of the various kitchen appliances. Her brow furrowed slightly, lip caught between her teeth again, as she held up the black hoodie.

It was surprisingly soft and Spencer couldn’t help but to slip an arm in, and then another, and zip it up. It was like being wrapped in a smothering and painful hug, almost as though someone was choking her. She didn’t want to put the hood up, to transform completely into one of A’s minions, but some unknown force compelled her hands to slowly drag it up and over her head. Spencer swore she heard something outside as soon as her head was engulfed by the dark hood, but decided that it was probably just rogue thunder or something natural. Except it wasn’t, and Spencer knew that as soon as she heard her phone chime.

Her heart jolted as she reached across the counter, and knife, to check the message.

Black always looked good on you, Spencie! -A

She promptly threw the hoodie off and it landed with a dull thud.

\---

“Spencer…..SPENCER!” Hanna forcefully shook Spencer by the shoulders, shaking her from horrifying thoughts about becoming a member of the A team. The four of them were huddled in their usual spot, trays of “lunch” sported in front of them on their favorite table. “Did you even have your coffee this morning, Spence?”

Spencer looked up from mindlessly playing with her food. “What? Oh, um, yeah.” Hanna glanced quickly over at Emily and Aria to see that their reactions mirrored her own worried face. “You look a little melon-cholly...Everything okay?” Hanna asked, knowing damn well that she mispronounced her vocabulary on purpose. Hanna knew how much pleasure Spencer got out of correcting her. It must be a smart person thing. 

“Peachy.” Spencer huffed sarcastically, stabbing her salad with a plastic fork. Emily swapped a concerned look with Hanna. “This doesn’t have anything to do with your breakup with Toby, does it?” Emily knew Spencer and Toby had had their issues but the breakup was over a month ago. Surely Spencer couldn’t still be as upset, right?

“N-no,” Spencer stuttered, half aware of her friends’ concerns. “I just had a rough night that’s all...Melissa and I...got in a fight. I don’t want to talk about it.”

This time it was Aria’s turn to throw her voice in. “We’re always here for you, Spencer. Team Sparia, remember?” She gave a faux wink at the end and Spencer couldn’t hide the small smile tugging at her lips. She didn’t know exactly why but it was Aria’s words that soothed her worries.

Sure Hanna could always joke around with her, and Emily was always there to provide strong wisdom and reassurance, but Aria had always felt different. Spencer wasn’t quite sure what to call whatever Aria made her feel. She just knew that her anxiety had declined greatly since meeting her bright emerald eyes. 

She was brought immediately out of her thoughts as Emily noisily tried to open her chocolate pudding cup. “Wait, Em, they had pudding?” Hanna asked, reaching a greedy hand toward the cup. “Yes,” Emily growled, swatting away the blonde’s outstretched hand. “They were next to the bananas.” Hanna rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “Of course they were. I never go near those things. They remind me of Sean.” 

“Just because he used to call you Hanna Banana doesn't mean you can’t go near bananas anymore, Han. You remind me of the cat that gets scared by cucumbers,” Emily jested, placing a spoonful of pudding in her mouth. Hanna kept her mouth shut, eyes glued to the container. Finally Emily gave in with an exasperated sigh and pushed her chair back. “Come on, Hanna Banana, let’s go get you a damn pudding.” Hanna happily obliged and leaped up from her seat like an overly excited puppy. 

As soon as they were out of earshot, Spencer’s gaze switched over to Aria. “Are you busy tonight?” She blurted out. Aria frowned, scrunching up her nose and furrowing her eyebrows. “...I don’t think so...Movie night at my place?” Spencer nodded a little too enthusiastically but caught herself. She just needed a friend to fall back on right now. She didn’t need anxiety to take over and rule her life once again. Aria always made her forget. Plus, she really didn’t want to go dabbling and spiraling back into her drug addiction. A wouldn’t drag her down that far. 

Aria threw her a soft smile that made Spencer’s heart beat just a little bit faster. She didn’t take it into notice too much though, because at the same moment Hanna plopped down angrily in her chair. “I can’t believe all they had left was vanilla. I hate vanilla.” Feeling a bit better, Spencer let her grin grow as she placed her own chocolate pudding cup in front of her blonde best friend. “Here, Han.” Hanna’s eyes instantly lit up and she gave a little shriek before wrapping her arms around Spencer.

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” Spencer chuckled, watching Hanna rip the peeling back forcefully.

“Only when I give you my food. And it’s melancholy.”

\---

Once she was finished with her pudding cup, Hanna began to animatedly tell the other girls about her plans with Caleb for the night. “He wants to take us camping again! I mean last time not much happened because even though things were getting steamy, there were way too many mosquitoes and the humidity was messing with my hair. But I’m prepared for tonight. Bug spray, baby,” she smirked watching Emily make a face. “Thanks for the details, Han, but please don’t go into any more or I might lose my lunch.”

Hanna just shrugged, switching her attention over to Aria. “So, Aria...How are you and Mr. Fitz? Or should I say...Ezra.”

Spencer felt herself stiffen at the mention of their English teacher. She did enjoy his teaching methods (she could tell just how passionate he was about classic novels), but recently she just couldn’t shake the feeling of hostility towards him. It was a foreign feeling. She usually loved all of her teachers. Usually.

Aria took a jab at her salad and didn’t look up. “Oh, he’s fine.” Hanna cocked her head like a Labrador retriever. “Fine? Aria, that’s something you say when someone asks how you’re doing at some lame family gathering. You sure you guys are okay?” 

This time Aria looked up and for a moment, just a swift moment, Spencer thought she caught a flash of sorrow. “Yeah we’re good. I’m actually going to see him tomorrow night. I’m planning on entering some of my photos for a scholarship, but I needed just a couple more good shots so I’m using Ezra as a stand in.” 

“Oooh, taking sexy pictures of Fitz! That’s one way to win the scholarship.” 

“Shut up, Hanna,” Emily hissed, elbowing her in the ribs. Hanna simply rolled her eyes and moved on to pester Emily about the date she had with Paige later that night. Spencer took the opportunity of their concentrated bickering to turn to the small brunette beside her. 

“Hey, I’m always here for you if you need to talk. I promise,” she coaxed, wanting to know what was wrong but not pushing her friend too much. “I told you I was fine, Spence,” Aria mumbled in indignation. Spencer took the hint to back off a little but not before adding a small, “Even if you just want to rant to me about how awful the food is today. I’m here.” 

This made Aria smile which in turn made Spencer smile. “Or how amazing I am at making coffee and beating you at Scrabble.”

She liked the way Aria’s eyebrows quirked in amusement when she threw out sarcastic comments. Her stomach did a small flip. It was like being on a caffeine buzz. “Don’t get too egotistical, I won a few games, Spencer, and you know it!”

“You only beat me once, Aria. Once. And that was only because you had a few tricks up your sleeve. Or letter tiles in this case.”

Spencer chuckled recalling the memory perfectly in her mind. “Cancel movie night tonight because I am totally gonna kick your ass AGAIN at Scrabble.”

“Bring it,” Aria smirked, Ezra lost in the depths of her mind.


	2. Turn up the heAt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scrabble night at Aria's! Can Spencer keep her cool, or will things start to heat up?

Tugging at the hem of her shirt, Spencer stood gazing at her reflection in her mirror, a look of utter disgust painted on her face. This was the third outfit she had tried on because nothing else had felt...right.

What did she care anyway? She was just going over to Aria’s house. It wasn’t like she was attending the Met Gala or anything. Just a simple night in with one of her best friends. 

Lazily shrugging off her shirt, she decided to just throw on one of her old favorite band t-shirts and a pair of black jeans. Her warm chocolate hair fell in messy waves, spilling down her back. She didn’t even bother taking a brush to it because she knew if she did, it would just overdramatically puff out.

To top off the look, Spencer added a few swipes of lip gloss. Wait. She never wore lip gloss. What was she doing? She immediately coiled at the woman staring back at her in the mirror and rubbed the gloss off with the back of her hand. Ahhh. There she was. Spencer Hastings, a hot mess of a woman. 

Before she could criticize her appearance anymore, the door to her room flew open and her older sister, Melissa popped her head in. Before she could get two words out, Spencer was already angrily trying to shove her out of her room. “Didn’t we establish the ‘ye shall knock before ye enters’ rule?”

Melissa painstakingly rolled and eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh please, the worst you could be doing is answering SAT prep questions with Toby while you two make disgusting heart eyes at each other.” She paused, her eyes switching to the bed behind Spencer which was messy and covered in a mountain of discarded outfits.

“Why do you look like you just crawled out of bed?” 

Spencer gritted her teeth and inhaled sharply, ignoring her comment. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep her tongue from spitting a nasty insult right back at her. “What do you want, Melissa?”

Her sister hooked a thoughtful finger over her chin as if she were in deep thought. “A stable life, money, a romantic relationship my sister doesn’t ruin…”

“I meant from me,” Spencer growled in annoyance, her eyes narrowing to defensive slits. “I was just going to tell you that I’l be out again tonight,” Melissa drawled, taking in Spencer’s full appearance once again. “Okay, well, I’ll be out too,” Spencer countered.

“What’s the matter, Toby couldn’t handle another Scrabble night in so you’re going to his place now? In that drab too? Yikes Spencer, and I thought I had the hard relationships. You really are letting yourself go again.” Melissa’s lip curled in a disgusted sort of smile that Spencer thought resembled the Cheshire Cat. 

It took every fiber of her well being not to flip shit at Melissa’s hateful comments. Her nails were dug painfully into her palms and she felt as though her head was going to explode. The world became startlingly dizzy as frustration flushed her cheeks. And then she let it all go.

“Yep, you're right Melissa. I'm totally letting myself go again by slutting it up during a game of scrabble with ARIA. Guess I just take after my big sister. You know... Throwing myself around at every guy who lays eyes on me, even if he leaves me for a younger, more attractive version of myself. Sucking up to every goddamn adult on the planet to get what? A pat on the head like some dog? Kissing people's asses so much that it looks like I wear brown lipstick on the daily to match my horrible, tightly wound, stick up my ass, outfits that look like mom laid them out for me. Oh no wait, that's alllll you.”

Melissa stood flabbergasted, jaw hanging open, eyes frozen on Spencer’s, unable to utter a single word. It felt good to see her smartass sister speechless for once. Spencer took the opportunity to throw in a tiny smug smile as she brushed past Melissa.

“Well, I’m off to play Scrabble. Don’t let the door hit you in the derrière on the way out. And that’s derrière with 14 points if you play it off a triple word score.”

\---

 

It had been ten minutes since Spencer had basically bashed her sister. She had to admit, in the moment, it felt so good. But now, as she sat driving to Aria’s house, she couldn’t help the guilty feeling bubbling in her chest. 

She had turned the radio all the way down, quietly mulling over their fight and picking apart exactly what Melissa had said to her. “You really are letting yourself go again.”

Was she? Suddenly Spencer couldn’t remember the last time she actually felt something other than sorrow or intense anxiety. Or the immense anger burning in her entire being whenever she was in a five foot radius of Melissa. 

Her palms, slick with sweat, tightened around the steering wheel, her knuckles sliding into a ghostly white shade. Maybe Emily was right. Maybe this did have something to do with Toby. Maybe Melissa’s words had sparked something in her that had been a loose wire since their breakup. Maybe it had just been a one time thing. A coincidence. 

But Spencer never really was one to believe in coincidences. Not with A running amok around town. 

Melissa’s words tossed around in her mind, slamming against the walls of her brain. Her confidence had drained greatly as soon as the words had left her older sister’s lips. Did she really look like she had just crawled out of bed?

Spencer flicked her gaze to the rearview mirror and studied her reflection for a moment before returning her gaze to the road. She was relieved to see that she looked decent. Not great, but not entirely trash either. Wait. 

Heart suddenly pounding, Spencer found herself glancing back into the rearview mirror and into the backseat. Was that….? 

It was. The damn black hoodie was placed in a “sitting” position, buckled in and everything. For a beat, Spencer’s brain concluded that A was indeed sitting in her backseat taking a casual ride in her car, causing her to slam on the breaks. But once she realized it was just the costume, she took a couple of deep breaths, eyes still wild, and continued on her way to Aria’s, occasionally glancing back at the lifeless intruder. 

\---

As soon as Spencer pulled into Aria’s driveway she could feel her thrumming anxiety begin to disappear. It was like being in a store in the middle of the night; alone with your thoughts, cradled by invisible arms, knowing you were inevitably safe. 

She rapped lightly on the door, smoothing her shirt down for the umpteenth time. As soon as the door opened, Spencer was met face to face with an energetic brunette, clad in an oversized tiger sweater. Long gray feathers dangled gently from her ears, half hidden behind a curtain of shiny chestnut hair. 

“Hey, Spence,” Aria beamed, opening the door so Spencer could step through. “I’ve got the game all set up! Get ready to lose!”

Spencer swallowed thickly, still taking in the adorable girl in front of her. It was a marvel how she didn’t notice her odd little features before. Like how Aria crinkled her nose when she smiled too hard. Or the way her eyes sparkled when she spoke about something exciting. 

“Helloooo...earth to Spencer?” Aria waved a hand in front of the taller girl’s eyes and Spencer shook her head, abruptly stopping her train of thought from continuing down its tracks. 

“S-sorry,” Spencer stuttered awkwardly, taking quick steps into the house. Aria shut the door chuckling lightly. “You only stutter when you’re really nervous. Afraid I’m gonna beat you again?”

Spencer cleared her throat, running a hand through her hair and ducking her head to hide the slight blush creeping onto her face. “Yeah, something like that.” 

“Well, come over here. I’ll even let you go first.” She grabbed Spencer’s hand and led her over to the living room where the Scrabble board lay on the floor, neatly on display. Spencer tried to ignore the heat pulsing across her cheekbones as she took notice to their linked hands. 

Sure, she had had an occasional crush on a female celebrity but she never really counted them as a real crush. She just thought she really, really admired them. Like how Ellen DeGeneres wasn’t afraid to be herself. Or how Beyoncé wrote an entire essay on gender equality. 

Maybe she just really admired Aria for inspiration for some reason. Like how she could calm her down from her worst panic attacks and pull her back from her inner demons. Or how she was never afraid to show raw emotions and capture those moments, never hiding or tucking the memories away like old Polaroids. Aria was a great friend, and right now, that was what Spencer really needed. A friend. 

“Okay, I’ve got all my letters. Now you pick yours,” Aria smiled, handing the pouch of tiles to Spencer. Spencer fished a hand inside and clasped the first tile her fingertips brushed. She pulled it out and her breath caught in her throat. 

A.

Okay, Spencer thought, shakily placing the tile on the small wooden rack in front of her. There are 9 A’s in the bag, so the probability of you drawing that one was moderate. 

The next tile she drew was also an A. She could feel the pressure begin to fold into her lungs, head pounding as anxiety set in. What if the whole bag was full of A’s? Trying to resist the urge to spill and search through every last letter in the bag, Spencer held her breath as she tugged another tile free.

F.

As in ‘fuck yeah, no more goddamn A’s’. 

The next four letters she picked were U, I, E, and W. She studied the tiles thoughtfully, interchanging various combinations in her mind. In the end, she decided to place down four tiles to construct the word ‘WAIF’. “That would be…” Spencer quietly whispered the addition as she counted up her points. “10.” 

Aria cocked her head, studying the newly laid out word on the board. “What’s waif? It sounds like a fancy type of breakfast food.”

Spencer chortled, shaking her head lightly. “As much as I would love to talk about fancy breakfasts, waif actually means someone homeless. Most likely a child or orphan.” 

There was that Aria nose scrunch again. Spencer’s belly did a mini somersault as her laughter transformed into a warm smile. “Your turn.”

Spencer sat back, satisfied with her word, and watched Aria’s eyebrows furrow as she looked over her own letter tiles. She couldn’t help but smile faintly, watching how Aria’s tongue peeked out in concentration. But then she caught herself. 

Aria was her friend and she would never allow herself to catch feelings for a friend. It would only lead to rejection and everything would spiral into an awkward chaos. But if, in some reality it did work out, Spencer never wanted to be faced with the day that things could take a sharp turn or abruptly stop. She couldn’t bear the thought of ever losing one of her closest friends. 

She snapped her attention back down to the board as her friend began to lay down her word. Wait, was Aria wearing kitten socks? As if she couldn’t get any cuter. Spencer groaned internally, pushing the adorable thought from her mind. 

Didn’t she just have her heart smashed into a million bits a month ago when Toby had ended their relationship? She couldn’t even really remember why he had pushed her out. Maybe it was because he needed his own space. Or maybe she needed her own and he had finally realized that. Had she even been as happy with him as she was in this moment, playing a simple game of Scrabble with Aria?

Maybe she was just really confused. Maybe every ‘more than a friend’ thought about Aria would disappear by morning like how a stubborn headache from the night before would vanish with a little sleep. Spencer yawned, contemplating curling up on Aria’s sofa to drain unwanted thoughts. 

“18 points for me,” A voice spoke out, breaking the silence and slicing Spencer’s thoughts to pieces. Baffled that she was no longer in the lead, she read the word ‘MAKE’ that Aria had placed down. It was so simple yet so powerful. 

“Doesn’t that MAKE you feel like quitting now, Spence? I told you I was gonna kick your butt!” Spencer rolled her eyes playfully and drew three letters from the Scrabble bag, placing them on her rack. “Your words are little, but they’re big.”

Suddenly Spencer grinned very mischievously, excitedly plucking the letters Y, A, U, and D from the row of letters in front of her. She arranged them to form the word ‘yaud’, playing a ‘YE’ as well off the ‘E’ from Aria’s ‘MAKE’. 

“I apologize for the 29 points I just scored, Aria, really I do,” drawled Spencer, sliding the tiles into place. She watched in amusement as the smaller brunette’s eyebrows shot up, gawking at the words Spencer had crafted. “Don’t think you’ve won yet, Miss Brainiac. We’ve only just begun and I’ve still got that feeling that this girl’s gonna win,” Aria said decisively, pointing at herself. 

“Whatever you say,” Spencer grinned playfully, causing Aria to frown severely. The taller girl clucked her tongue, watching as the word ‘FART’ was played off of the ‘F’ in ‘WAIF’. “You’re so cute, you know that right?” Spencer found herself saying. Shit. 

Why couldn’t Spencer just listen to her head for once? She told herself not to engage in these damn feelings, yet here she was, making cringey, flirty comments. But friends could call each other cute, right? Right, Spencer reassured herself, trying her best to calm her nerves once again. 

“Not as cute as you when you play those incredibly complicated words. Sometimes I wonder if they’re really words or if you’re just making them up,” Aria smiled slowly. Spencer felt a warm prickling sensation spread in her chest. Dammit, Aria.

Spencer snorted at this, trying her best to cover up how nervous she had suddenly become. It was stupid really. They had shared so, so, so many secrets...so many embarrassing secrets. Aria knew a lot of things about Spencer that still made the taller girl cringe whenever a memory decided to resurface. That’s how comfortable they should be around each other. 

Yet here she was, blushing profusely, simply from being called cute by a small brunette playing words like ‘FART’ in a game of Scrabble in front of her. 

The next few rounds produced very little taunts as Spencer played ‘CINEMA’ for 20 points while Aria put down ‘PINE’ for 12. Spencer didn’t know if her friend meant pine as in the tree or to lust after someone. All she knew was that if that were her word, she would have known exactly which she meant. Which is exactly why she played the word ‘DESIRE’, even though she knew it would only be worth a measly 9 points. 

Aria silently met her eyes and Spencer swore she saw a glimmer of sly mischief flash briefly in them. She licked her lips slightly as the smaller brunette placed an E, a blank tile, a P, and a T after the ‘T’ from ‘FART’. 

“Tempt,” Aria whispered, jotting down a score of 6 on the scrap of paper beside her. Spencer’s breath caught in her throat, her heart slamming against her chest. Did friends make each other's hearts beat this fast?

“Lust,” Spencer murmured, peppering the accompanying tiles to their appropriate positions on the game board. Aria stared at her for a beat, not making any notion to scramble her letters and conjure up a new word. Spencer wondered if Aria felt the same heat blanketing her body. 

“Remember that one time Ali made us go with her on that hike up by the falls?” Aria suddenly asked, absently playing with the edge of the game board.

“You mean when she forced us to walk two miles in the heat and then tried to convince us that cliff jumping was the best idea?” 

“And she had Em and Hanna on board with the idea. But I never really liked heights…” 

Spencer wasn’t sure where Aria was going with this, or why she suddenly decided to bring up one of their old, daunting memories. But she sat there anyway, watching the girl in the tiger sweatshirt spin a tale of their youth. 

“You knew I didn’t either. I was so embarrassed when Ali called me out on it. But you stepped in and told her you didn’t really like heights either. But we both knew that wasn’t true. I know you used to live for the rush because you never got to have that feeling growing up with your parents and Melissa.”

“She never was one to have that glorified and happy sisterly bond with,” Spencer stated in a matter of fact way, offering Aria a rakish grin. She smiled back softly, continuing her story.

“I’ve never met anyone quite like you, Spence. Someone who will stand up against someone else to protect another...You sat with me up at the top, our feet hanging over the edge, even though it scared the shit out of me. And...I’m pretty sure I got the same feeling, just sitting there with you, that I would have had, had I jumped off with Ali…”

The room went absolutely silent and Spencer was afraid Aria would be able to hear each wild thump of her heart. Not knowing what to say, she opened her mouth anyway, seconds away from babbling like an idiot, when Aria’s phone buzzed loudly. 

Aria glanced around, frantically trying to locate her phone. Spencer found it first and passed it off to Aria, but not without glancing at the caller ID.

Ezra was calling. 

“I’ll just be a minute,” Aria apologized sympathetically, sliding over the answer button. “I’ll go make some popcorn,” Spencer excused herself, Aria half nodding as Ezra came through on the other line. 

Spencer pushed herself up and padded towards the Montgomery’s kitchen. It was a cute little space that Spencer envied greatly. It always felt warm and inviting unlike her own which cast a cold and serious tone whenever she ran downstairs for a midnight snack. 

She placed a bag of popcorn in the microwave, enjoying the soft pops from within the envelope. Aria giggled lightly in the other room and Spencer felt a small bristle of jealousy. Trying not to eavesdrop, she leaned against the counter and studied the various knick knacks placed carefully around the kitchen. A particular puffin figurine from what she presumed to be Iceland caught her interest. 

Suddenly, Spencer’s own phone buzzed noisily in her pocket. Startled, she dug in her jeans and pulled it out, glancing at the text message that had popped up on her screen.

 

Your friend Emily’s got a pretty hot date tonight. Why not make it hotter and turn up the heat? 16 point letter score for the word combustion, Spencie! Kisses -A

 

This had to be some sick kind of joke. Now A was having her do their bidding? And in the middle of such an intense Scrabble game? No, she couldn’t do it. Wouldn’t do it. She loved Emily way too much and wanted to stay here with Aria. 

She chewed her lip roughly, thoughts slipping in and out of her mind as she became indecisive once again. Halfway through talking herself out of even considering it, she noticed Aria had walked into the kitchen, her kitten-socked feet making soft thumps on the hardwood floor. 

“Aria I have to g-”  
“Ezra really needs-”

They both spoke at the same time, each one gesturing madly for the other to continue. Spencer sighed, taking Aria’s cue and voiced her lame excuse. “I have to go. I totally forgot that I was supposed to be meeting with a college rep this afternoon.”

Aria looked a little taken aback and a little relieved. “Oh, yeah, go right ahead, Spence. Ezra actually just called to ask if I could do the shoot today instead of tomorrow. I wasn’t gonna go but now that you’re leaving, I might as well.”

“Yeah,” Spencer nodded numbly, trying to push Ezra and A from her mind. She was bound to develop a migraine soon from all this thinking. 

“I had a lot of fun though, even if you did beat me this time,” Aria teased, walking the taller brunette to the door. “We should do his again sometime.”

“Totally,” Spencer smiled, ignoring the anxiety pouring into her stomach. “Bye, Aria.”

“Cya, Spence.”

 

\---

Standing outside of Emily’s house, hidden behind the black fabric of the hoodie, Spencer wondered if any of the passing cars would think she were some sort of crazy stalker. She adjusted her position so that she was on the side of the house, flattened against the siding. The sun was beginning to dip below the trees, so hopefully no one would notice her.

Paige’s car was parked in the driveway, so Spencer hoped they were in Emily’s room or at least in the living room. All she had to do was climb through the kitchen window, turn up the heat on the oven, and burn the shit out of whatever Emily was cooking. It would be reasonable; Spencer knew Emily was a terrible cook. But that excuse didn’t stop guilt from bubbling in her throat. 

Spencer stealthily made her way around the house, pausing at the window she knew had to be to the kitchen. She opened the camera app on her phone and held it up to the window, taking a quick photo. Gazing at the image, she breathed a slight sigh of relief seeing that the kitchen was indeed empty. 

As quiet as she could, Spencer hooked her fingers under the window ledge and prayed it was unlocked. It shifted upwards with a whoosh and a sudden burst of herbs and spices hit her nose. She pushed the thought of how hard Emily must have worked on this dinner to the back of her mind and flipped her hood up. 

She threw one leg over the ledge, and then another, awkwardly hauling herself through the narrow window. Her head collided with the top of the opening and she slapped a hand over her mouth to disguise the moan of pain. Her face contorted with pain upon hearing the sickening crack, but she quickly masked it, pushing on with A’s plans. She landed inaudibly, turning straight towards the oven. A neon 400 hung lazily over the stove top.

Spencer smashed the plus symbol near the BAKE button. She watched the number climb by fives, stopping when the temperature hit 525 degrees. Okay, maybe that was too much. She brought it down to 510, taking note that the dish only had ten minutes left on the timer. She casually opened the oven door seeing that Emily had prepared a nice chicken parmesan. Spencer’s face faltered and she considered turning the heat back down.But a burnt meal was better than a friend dying. 

She took one last glance at the oven, hearing Emily’s voice cackle with laughter above her. She knew how much Emily loved Paige so surely she’d have plenty more opportunities to cook her girlfriend dinner. 

Keeping her head ducked this time, Spencer swiftly clambered through the window and landed on the Fields’ neatly trimmed grass. Guilt gnawed at her insides as she climbed into her car, and it only worsened when she heard a sharp chime from the hoodie’s pocket. 

 

You might not know which team you’re playing for but I do now. Nice job bringing the heat with that one! Kisses! -A

 

\---

Spencer threw herself face down on her bed, trying to think of what else could possibly add to her growing anxiety. She wished she were still in Aria’s living room, laughing over Aria’s word choices and her stupid cute sweater. And those socks. And her eyes. God, Spencer could stare into them forever. 

She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, realizing that she was thinking stupidly again. “Aria is your friend, Spencer. And she has Ezra,” she mumbled to herself, half asleep. 

But her mind kept playing over what Aria had told her. And then that scene reeled like a movie through her mindscape. She could see Alison in her striped bikini, moving slowly up the cliff, Emily clinging onto her every word, a pudgy Hanna trying to keep up with them. 

Aria was beside her, marveling at the beautiful scenery surrounding them. “I wish I’d brought my camera! I’d love to capture the beauty of this place.” Spencer saw her tilt her head up and gaze with big, wonder-filled eyes at the towering trees above them. “You can capture it in memory,” she found herself saying. “But just so you know, this place isn’t as beautiful as you.”

Woah. Where did that come from? Spencer felt drunk. Like all of her limbs were suddenly too heavy and her movements were sluggish. She stumbled over a root and found herself falling in slow motion towards the ground. It was weird but all she wanted to do was laugh as her body hit the dirt. A strong pair of arms wrapped around her abdomen, tugging her up. 

“You okay, Spence?” Aria asked, eyes still wide. Spencer only stared back, tracing over the smaller brunette’s features. And suddenly she was up on her feet, slamming her friend’s back into a tree, meeting her lips with her own. Aria’s lips were so unbelievably soft and-

A particularly loud buzzing cut through her dream, waking Spencer. She jolted awake, half expecting to see dirt beneath her. She blinked slowly a few times, shaking off the remaining particles of her confusing dream before checking where exactly the buzzing was coming from. 

She plucked her phone from under the messy mountain of clothes from the previous evening and saw that she had four new messages and 7 missed calls from a combination of Emily, Hanna, and Aria.

Emily: S.O.S!

Emily: S.O.S. SPENCER PLEASE ANSWER

Hanna: SPENCER PICK UP YOUR PHONE IT’S AN EMERGENCY

Aria: S.O.S. MEET AT HANNA’S

Shit.


	3. CheckmAte

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movie night at Hanna's! What could possibly go wrong?

She didn’t even bother changing her clothes or even glancing at herself in the mirror. It was 1:30 AM and even though she had gotten the texts and calls almost 4 hours ago, she was still going to drive all the way to Hanna’s to make sure everyone was okay. Spencer had a sickening feeling in her gut that this had to do with her little “escapade”.

They were probably seated around Hanna's island in her kitchen waiting for her. She knew they were still awake, still talking and reliving whatever nightmare had caused the S.O.S.. Spencer just prayed that it wasn't as bad as they had made it seem with the messages left on her phone. 

She was quick to drive there, keeping the radio at a low hum as a distraction, old pop music quietly trickling through the speakers. Spencer sat for a beat, the car’s engine fading into a soft rumble. She turned the key and numbly met her own eyes in the rear view mirror. 

Pastel patches of orchid hung beneath her sleep-swollen eyes, her hair a ruffled mess. She sloppily pulled it into a messy bun hoping to look at least half decent. She didn’t want her friends to start worrying about her, she had enough troubles on her plate for once. And if they started asking questions that she couldn’t give answers to, that was only going to tear them apart more. 

Deciding to quit dancing around whether or not to get out of the car already, Spencer shimmied out of the door and walked up to Hanna’s front stoop. She contemplated just entering like she usually did, but settled on knocking lamely instead. It was quiet and quite eerie as she stood in the dark, waiting for one of her friends to answer. 

She folded her arms over her chest, staring down at her feet. Sure, Spencer had felt guilty before. Like the time she totally ripped Melissa’s essay off from her. Or the time she “borrowed” Ali’s favorite lipstick without asking. Not that it was Spencer’s color anyway.

But this time the guilt felt deeper. This was Emily Fields. One of her best friends. And Spencer had intentionally sabotaged her friend’s date after making a deal with the devil. Her head buzzed with panic. 

It was getting harder to breathe. 

Spencer tried calming herself down, repeating the phrase “Better a date ruined than a friend dead” over and over in her mind, her eyes squeezed shut.

“Spencer?”

Spencer jerked her head up in time to meet the concerned blues of Hanna’s eyes. “You okay?”

She fumbled for the right words, racking her brain for a solid excuse. “Yeah, I just had a killer headache and was fast asleep when you guys texted. Sorry I’m so late. What happened?”

“Em’s terrible cooking is what happened. Her kitchen almost caught on fire.”

Spencer could hear Emily in the background calling out in defense, probably about her cooking skills, but everything had turned into a buzzing murmur. 

Suddenly the ground didn’t feel as solid as it had a minute ago, and she could feel her heart climbing up her throat. Her stomach curled in on itself and she felt an overwhelming sense of alarm wash over her.

Emily’s kitchen had almost caught on fire. Because of her. 

Emily could have died. Because of her. 

She was once again snapped out of her senses by a new buzzing in her pocket. She whipped out her phone and was met again with a plummeting sense of horror. 

 

You spill and I kill, Spencie! XOXO -A

 

A wave of nausea hit her hard in the gut and it felt like there was a balloon lodged in her chest. She wanted to close her eyes again and travel back to the wonderful dreamscape where everything was full of bliss and ‘A’ was but a simple letter in the alphabet. 

“Who was that?” Hanna asked curiously, her eyebrows cocked and her eyes sweeping Spencer’s phone screen. She immediately dropped it back into her pocket and tried to play the text off as casual.

“Just Melissa,” she lied, meeting Hanna dead in the eyes with fixed concentration. “She wanted to know why I left…Is....Is Emily okay?” Spencer asked hoarsely, abruptly changing the subject and peering over the blonde’s shoulder to locate the tanned swimmer. She was out of sight but at least now Spencer could hear her voice. 

“At first she was really shaken up,” Hanna answered, turning her back and glancing into the kitchen as Emily rounded the corner. “But now she won’t get off my back about teasing her.” A mischievous glint glittered in her eyes and Spencer tried laughing but her anxiety withheld some of her genuity. 

“I told Aria and Emily they could stay over if they wanted because Emily didn’t want to go back home. Wanna join? I’ll even let you pick the first movie.” Hanna ushered Spencer inside and shut the door gently. “Uhh, sure.” Spencer mumbled, guilt still prickling through her veins. 

Even more began to flare up as Emily closed the distance between them, Aria on her heels like a small puppy. She still wore her tiger sweater.

“I was just telling Spencer about how you tried to go all hibitchy style with your meal for Paige,” Hanna giggled, as a furrow formed between Emily’s eyebrows.

“Hibachi, Hanna,” Spencer corrected her absently. 

“...Whatever. Still a disaster. Which is why I’m making the popcorn tonight,” Hanna lightly teased, sticking her tongue out at a fuming Emily. The swimmer threw her arms over her chest defensively. “This isn’t a joke, Hanna. I swore I did everything right this time and even double checked the temperature and everything. I just can’t help but think this has something to do with A.” 

Spencer’s stomach lurched as she quickly averted her gaze to her shoes. They were looking pretty scruffy with all that mud splattered on them. She’d have to wash them when she got home. 

“Oh come on, Em, I know you put your pride and dignity before everything else, but are you really going to blame A for your little Easy Bake Oven mishap?” 

Aria stepped between the pair before Emily could go for Hanna’s neck. “Whatever happened happened and we're all safe right now. So can we please just focus on the positives and maybe get to watching a movie?”

“As long as it’s not Catching Fire,” Hanna humored, narrowly avoiding a smack from the seething swimmer. Even though she wore a tight lipped frown, Spencer could just make out the small twitch in the corners of Emily’s mouth. She could tell her friend wanted to smile but didn’t want to give Hanna the satisfaction. 

Maybe there was some truth to Aria’s words. They were all safe so why should Spencer have to waste so much time feeling guilty and worrying when she could be spending it having a good time with her closest friends? 

Ignoring the little voice in her head that told her to wallow in self pity and allow the guilt to consume her, Spencer lead the way to the Marin’s living room and pulled several DVDs from underneath the television. She subconsciously sorted them in alphabetical order and spread the options out before her. She could feel the other girls’ presence in the room, hanging over her, holding their breath as she picked the first movie choice.

Scary movies were totally out. She was already jumping at every tiny sound and glancing behind her at least five times a minute, no thanks to A. Plus, Emily had probably already had her fill of horrifying events for the day. She tossed a few DVDs to the side.

The next option was a romance. Nope. Spencer didn’t even want to think about romance right now. Or the tiger sweater bunched around a certain brunette’s small shoulders. Or the cute little smile she gave Spencer when she saw her enter the house. Or the way her eyes lit up when Spencer had returned it. 

Having these stupid thoughts was so exhausting. Spencer plucked a comedy from the pile, hoping the simplicity wouldn’t have to draw too much of her focus toward it. If she was being honest with herself, she hoped she could drift off after the first ten minutes. She was just too tired to think anymore. 

Aria put the DVD in while Hanna and Emily marched into the kitchen to make popcorn and drinks. “Em’s in charge of drinks because at least then she can’t burn anything,” Hanna had joked, earning a lighthearted eye roll from the swimmer. 

Spencer slumped down on the couch immediately closing her eyes. Maybe if she thought about it hard enough, she could reenter her raunchy dream without any ashamed feelings nagging at her. To take a break from all this stress would be the finest luxury. 

She soon began to melt into the couch, seconds away from tumbling back into her wonderland, when she felt something hot hit her ear. “Hey.”

Spooked, Spencer’s eyes popped open and she sat up with a jolt, clutching her heart in a panic. She wasn’t sure when Aria had settled herself into the cushions beside her, but there she sat, as beautiful as ever.

“Dammit, Aria, I was almost asleep,” she choked, searching the smaller brunette’s eyes wildly. Aria simply smiled and reached a sleepy hand towards Spencer’s bun. She pulled the elastic band from the updo and caused the messy curls to come spilling down. 

This time Spencer’s heart began to thump madly, but not because she had been startled. She met her friend’s gaze intently, lips parted in a silent murmur. There was so much she wanted to tell her in that moment. To spill every single thought that ever dared made itself flourish in her mind. To invite Aria into this unfathomable fantasy she had scrounged up and twisted into her deepest desires. There was no way in hell Spencer could deny these feelings from herself anymore. They were there and they were real and they were scary as hell. But maybe that was the best part. 

Something deep inside her brain screamed for her to do something back. To take Aria’s hand in her own...to run her fingers through her hair....to kiss her….But she knew she couldn’t. Aria had Ezra and would probably never be interested in her. Even if Ezra was out of the picture, which she knew was not the case since he had indeed been in a literal picture during the photoshoot with Aria yesterday, her friend could never like her in that way. Spencer had way too many flaws to count and she was nowhere near as literate as Ezra. Plus Aria was about as straight as an arrow. But then again, what was she trying to tell Spencer last night during their game of Scrabble before Ezra had interrupted?

The DVD title screen lit up the darkened living room, dancing a myriad of colors all over Aria’s face. She looked like a mosaic; a beautiful little work of art. It was as if a fragile hand had painted each stroke with extreme care, never once doubting his own creation. 

Aria slowly tucked a loose strand of Spencer’s coffee colored hair behind her ear, brushing her peach washed cheeks ever so slightly. “I’m sorry I woke you,” she whispered gently.   
Spencer swallowed thickly trying not to let her nerves reveal their presence. “Don’t worry. I’m sure Hanna and Emily’s bickering would’ve done the same.”

She earned a huff of amusement from the smaller brunette and as if on cue, the two other girls made their way back into the dimly lit living room. “You’ll never believe this!” Emily cackled, finding it hard to speak through her own laughs. Hanna’s face was painted in disgruntlement, the popcorn bowl hugged tightly to her chest. 

Emily’s glasses threatened to spill their contents as she shook with laughter once more. “She..burnt…..the….popcorn!” 

Hanna plopped down on Aria’s left, shoving a fistful of popcorn in her mouth. “Imadeanotherbag,” she mumbled through a mouthful of freshly popped kernels. Swallowing, she spoke again, this time much clearer. “I made another bag and-SHUT UP EM!” The blonde glared at her tanned friend who was doubled over in a fit of giggles. “At least the microwave didn’t catch on fire.”

Emily only shook her head, wiping rogue tear escapees from the corners of her eyes. She slid the four cups of ice and soda over the coffee table, placing their personal preferences in front of them. Spencer’s was Dr. Pepper, Aria’s was a Diet Coke, and Hanna and Emily had both chosen Sprite. 

Spencer gratefully took a sip from hers to soothe her dry mouth. She let the tang and bubbles splash over her tongue before shaking her head at the comical pair. “You two should have your own reality show.”

“‘The Real Idiots of Rosewood’. I’d watch it,” Aria joked, scooping up a handful of popcorn. Emily took the smaller couch’s vacancy and burrowed herself underneath a blanket. “At least I wasn’t the one who thought redheads were going extinct.”

“Take a look at our friend group!” Hanna exclaimed defensively. “Do you see any redheads? Nope, didn’t think so!”

“Hanna, there are like, four kids in our chem class who are redheads,” Spencer mused.

Hanna only mumbled a clipped reply under her breath that Spencer didn't quite catch. She hit play on the remote control and nestled back into the plushy couch. Aria slung a velvety blanket over the both of them and planted the bowl of popcorn in her lap, snuggling awfully close to Spencer. 

Spencer stiffened but then forced herself relax. Just because she recognized the tell tale signs of developing feelings didn't mean she had to be awkward about it. Right?

After about fifteen minutes of switching between shoving handfuls of popcorn in her mouth and downing her Dr. Pepper, Spencer curled into a tight ball, her kneecaps jutting into Aria’s legs. The brunette looked down at her smiling warmly. Spencer wondered if she could get her to do her signature ‘Aria Nose Scrunch’.

But Aria just tipped her head, eventually letting it fall onto Spencer’s shoulder. Her body throbbed with heat but she didn’t dare move. Even though it felt like it was 1000 degrees underneath the blanket, Spencer was lost in a sea of relaxation. She finally felt her muscles untense, and in that moment, she swore the universe had aligned perfectly and that everything was at peace. She closed her eyes, relishing in the moment, breathing in Aria’s faintly fruity scent. 

A tentative hand brushed over Spencer’s leg, hesitantly resting on her kneecap. She felt her breath catch in her throat but kept her eyes shut, letting the warmth in her chest branch out to her fingertips. A sudden burst of courage enveloped her heart and she placed her own hand over the smaller one resting on her knee. She squeezed Aria’s hand lightly and got a ginger squeeze in response. They stayed like that, Aria’s head on Spencer’s shoulder, their hands tangled under the blanket. She could barely even hear the movie anymore...

When she opened her eyes, she was right back in the forest, Alison, Hanna, Emily, and Aria at her side. Everything was the same from her previous visit to this dreamscape, only she didn’t have the smaller brunette pinned against the tree.

Alison and Hanna were in the middle of a disagreement. “Come on, Hefty Hanna,” Alison jeered, poking Hanna in the exposed section of her bikini. “Don’t you want to prove how brave you are? Guys love a brave girl. Even if you are a little...chunky.” 

Spencer could see the blonde’s eyes mist over, knowing that her friend was on the verge of tears. “Come on, Ali, don’t be like that. Hanna doesn’t have to jump if she doesn’t want to. Aria and I aren’t.”

Alison’s eyes narrowed as her attention snapped to the tall brunette. “We all know the real reason you want Aria to stay behind with you,” Alison spat. Startled and at a loss for words, Spencer stood motionless watching the fiery blonde roll her eyes dramatically. She grabbed Hanna’s hand and dragged her further up the cliff. “I promise it’s not that scary.”

Hanna shut her mouth knowing damn well that Alison always got her way. Emily trailed quietly after Alison and a terrified Hanna, unable to work up enough courage to argue with her crush. 

Spencer felt a pair of warm hands wrap around her arm and she looked down to see Aria staring up at her. “You’re so brave,” she breathed. But was she really? Sure she had stuck up for Aria and Hanna but the blonde was still getting dragged off against her free will. 

Aria stretched up on her tiptoes to plant a soft kiss on Spencer’s cheek, momentarily distracting her. She felt herself melt under the gesture, switching her gaze from the trio at the cliff’s edge to a giddy brunette by her side. “I’m really not. I’m just so tired of Alison thinking that we’re her dolls and that she gets to control our every move.”

“Maybe you should change that then,” Aria mused lightly, studying the way Spencer’s jaw clenched at her words. “Maybe…”

And suddenly she was storming up the hill, staggering over rocks, trying to mask her fright with scowl. “Alison!” 

The spunky blonde snapped her head around chuckling. “Like I was saying, she always wants what she doesn't have.”

Hanna stood cowering at the edge, arms wrapped tightly around her frame. Spencer could visibly see her trembling with fear. “At least I have the decency to see when a friend doesn't want to do something.” 

“That’s funny,” Alison countered, studying her bright pink nails. “Because I can see that in Aria when you two are together.” 

Spencer felt her blood boil. “I’m done playing your stupid games, Ali. You think you get to be the queen while we’re all your little pawns. But that ends now. I’m so tired of you acting like you’re entitled to everything in the world. So guess what?” She took a step closer, Alison staring daggers at her. 

“What? Don’t tell me you want to kiss me too?” The blonde took a step back, her heel at the edge of the cliff. This sent Spencer over the edge. 

“Checkmate.”

With all the force she could muster, she shoved Alison as hard as she could, sending the blonde staggering backwards. She lost her footing and tumbled over extremity, crying out desperately for the taller girl’s help. Spencer stood emotionless, watching her shape disappear into the water.

Emily screamed in alarm and flung herself in after her with much more caution and poise. Hanna was still shaking, a new fear beaming in her widened eyes. As Aria ran over to comfort her, Spencer was suddenly snapped into reality, realizing exactly what she had done. 

She jolted awake, beads of sweat misting her brow. The television hauntingly played the DVD title screen repeatedly, the other three girls sound asleep. Aria’s arm had shifted so that it clung over Spencer’s midsection. 

She tried to steady her breathing but her heart was beating too wildly. She had pushed Alison off a cliff. With no remorse. It had been so simple and yet so atrocious. But the thing that scared Spencer the most was that she had almost laughed as the blonde dipped below the cliff’s edge.


	4. nuts About you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things get a little nuts and Spencer gets trashed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a huge extravaganza for Mona's birthday party planned for next chapter...Thank you for all the kudos!

It was a foreign feeling, of being fully awake after the lull of sleep without a drop of coffee. After waking to a panic attack from her cryptic dream, Spencer hadn’t been able to roll back over into sleep. Not that she wanted to. She didn’t want to admit how much she had scared herself. But after all dreams were just crazy nonsense, right? 

Except for that one time when she dreamt that she had won the election to become the first female president of the United States. Now that had been one of her favorites that she could actually remember. Spencer was big on two things: coffee and feminism. 

Sitting on the couch in the Marin’s living room, pressed against one of her best friends and in desperate need to shake everything off from the past few days, Spencer hoisted herself up, careful not to disturb the sleeping lump beside her. She crept into the kitchen, a trickle of warm sunlight pouring in through the window. It was the oddest feeling, to be awake in someone else’s house before anyone else. But Spencer enjoyed the quiet isolation. 

She set to work brewing a nice pot of coffee, pulling out ingredients for breakfast as she went. She wanted something refreshing and calming for breakfast and decided to make blueberry pancakes for the girls. It was the least she could do after ruining one of their other meals…

Her grandmother used to make her these exact pancakes every time she would visit. Grandma Hastings was quite the baker. Spencer lived for the times when she and Melissa were young enough that when her parents were away on business trips, they would drop them at their grandmother’s. They would spend the day making fresh breads and sometimes if they behaved enough, they would even get to make cinnamon rolls. 

Those were Spencer’s favorites. No one could make them quite like her grandmother. But they had lost the secret family recipe a while ago along with their beloved Grandma Hastings. 

As she mixed up the batter, quietly humming to herself, she heard a set of socked feet softly pad across the tiles of the kitchen. She turned half expecting Aria to be staring back at her, but she was instead met with a very tired looking Emily.

“Morning,” Spencer chirped, grabbing the pot of coffee and two mugs from within the cabinet. She quickly poured two steaming cups of joe, placing one in front of Emily who had taken a seat at the island. She grunted in reply, watching skeptically as Spencer took a sip of her black coffee. 

“You really do take your coffee seriously,” Emily chuckled, reaching a hand for the creamer Spencer was holding out for her. After adding at least 4 sugar packets, Emily downed a large gulp, her eyes watering from the heat. 

“Yeah, well, I like to live on the edge.” Spencer took another sip of her coffee, letting the aroma wrap around her head. It was her second favorite scent. 

She spun around to face the stove top and turned the dial, trying to block out the last time she had been near the controls of an oven. As she poured the batter onto the skillet, she suddenly pondered the thought of asking Emily about the first time she had had feelings for a girl. 

Spencer could ask her subtly but she knew Emily would have questions of her own. She just didn’t know if she was ready to answer them yet. One day she would have an overpowering allure for Aria, but the next when she thought about girls in general, she was left with a hollow feeling. It was like the only girl she would ever be interested in like that was curled up in the living room. And she certainly wasn’t Hanna. 

But then her mind shifted to Emily and her crush on Alison. She knew her friend had been deeply entranced by the blonde. Spencer wasn’t sure exactly why, Ali had been bitchy to all of them, especially Spencer. But maybe she had a soft spot for toned tanned swimmers. 

She remembered in seventh grade, the school year before Alison went missing, they had all nicknamed Emily “Killer” because of how defensive of Ali she was. Now she understood why she had been. Emily had seen the light in Alison’s darkness that everyone else had failed to notice. 

Thinking about it now, Spencer was sure she could write at least a 6 page essay on all of the things she loved most about Aria. She didn’t even think she’d meet word count if she was instead writing about Toby. He hadn’t vacated her thoughts much anymore. Everything between them was just a distant memory in a sea of failure. Maybe Aria was her lighthouse, pulling her in from rough waves and offering unambiguous comfort. 

She dropped a handful of blueberries into the bubbling cake, watching the batter curl around them. After flipping the pancake, and a certain question around in her head, Spencer once again swiveled to face Emily. 

“Can I ask you something?” Spencer wrung her hands nervously, eyes anywhere but her friend’s. 

“Yeah, go for it,” Emily advised, drawing another long sip from her coffee. She watched Spencer curiously over the edge of the cup. 

“How did you know you liked Alison?” Spencer blurted. She wasn’t sure which emotion crossed Emily’s face first, just that an array feelings seemed to dance wildly through her expressions. But then oddly enough, her face softened and she let out a small laugh. Spencer smiled nervously, meeting her friend’s crinkled eyes. For a moment she swore she saw tears brimming in them, but she blinked and Emily was back to her chipper self. 

“Something just felt different about her. A stranger could give her one look and think they knew her as a popular ‘I don’t give a fuck about you’ type of queen bee. People could shy away from her or be terrified out of their minds. But I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way. When it was just us...she seemed like a completely different person. She was dorky and brilliant and sweet. It was like she had this reserved softer side...just for me.”

Emily shifted slightly, cupping her hands tighter around her warmed mug. 

“It’s like you and school, Spence. Not everyone loves it but for some weird reason you do. When people whine about homework and essays, you act like you just won the lottery or got a puppy for Christmas.”  
“Ali made me feel like I could do anything...be anyone. Fulfill the impossible. Those moments we spent together...She made me feel so special. And when she started occupying my every thought...that’s when I knew.”

Spencer let the information settle in her conscious mind, turning slightly to flip the pancake before it would burn. Looking back on it, she could vividly remember some of the softer moments Emily was talking about. Back then, she had only known Alison as a total bitch. But in this new light, she took pride in her friend for looking past the surface and discovering something much more amazing. 

“That’s really sweet, actually.” Emily watched Spencer carefully, noting the fresh and calm vibe her words had brought to the taller brunette. “Is there any reason why you asked?” She pressed slightly, Spencer stiffening as she flipped the cake onto a plate. 

“Um…” Did she have enough guts to let her friend in on these new and terrifying feelings? Sure, they were always there but she knew if she actually said them out loud, then they would truly be real. But then again, it would be nice not to have the weight of this secret crushing her as well as **A** -nother one. 

Spencer took a deep breath. “It’s just that...I don’t know….I might have developed feelings for..a...girl…” she mumbled, resting her chin in her hand and leaning over to face Emily. She was surprised that the swimmer’s lively expression hadn’t shifted. 

“That’s really great, Spence! I’m really proud of you for sharing that with me. If you ever have any questions or need any advice, I’m your girl.” 

And suddenly, things didn’t feel as scary as they had just moments ago. Emily understood exactly how she was feeling, and could help her out with any upcoming crisis. Spencer reached over the island to awkwardly hug her friend. “Thank you so much, Em.”

“Anytime.”

Spencer was thankful that the swimmer hadn’t asked exactly who she had feelings for. She was glad that Emily had noticed she wasn’t fully ready to spill every detail and respected her distance. Spencer got back to work, flipping perfectly circular pancakes, enjoying the silence that had settled over the room once again. 

It was not long before Hanna and Aria came bounding into the kitchen upon smelling breakfast. 

“Ooooh, look at Spence, the real MVP, cooking us breakfast!” Hanna trilled, jumping up onto the stool beside Emily. Aria took the one to the swimmer’s left, yawning widely. 

Spencer smiled at the sleepy looking brunette, handing a stack of pancakes to each of the girls, along with two other cups of coffee. Hanna drizzled some of the golden syrup over the fresh cakes, tucking into them quickly. “Spence dese are amazink!” She said through a mouthful of breakfast. “They’re perfect and-” Hanna stopped, mid sentence, her face twisting in confusion. With a slight grimace, she swallowed, eyeing the pancakes a bit more carefully. 

“I was sure these were chocolate chip…” The blonde mumbled a tad disappointed. She prodded at the stack with her fork, spilling the purples of the berries into the golden pancakes. Spencer chuckled, flipping a few cakes onto a plate for herself. “Next time, you can make breakfast then.”

Spencer poured a good amount of syrup over her own pancakes, satisfied with how drenched and soggy they were. Just the way she liked them. Before she could take a bite however, Hanna had piped in again, this time with a very unsettling conversation starter. 

“Hey Aria, I forgot to ask...how’d those pictures of Fitz turn out? Did he give the camera a little strip tease?”

At first Spencer wasn’t sure if Aria had heard her. But the small brunette placed her fork down shortly after, wiping the stickiness from her mouth. “The pictures actually turned out great. I’m pretty sure I got a few good ones to send in with the scholarship. And no he didn’t give a strip tease, Han,” Aria put another forkful of pancake in her mouth, rolling her eyes when she saw Hanna’s grin spread. “Okay, fine. I guess there was a little...skin to lens action…”

“Hah!” Hanna cried out, elbowing Emily in the side. “You owe me ten bucks, Fields.” 

Spencer’s stomach curled and suddenly she wasn’t very hungry anymore. How stupid of her to think that Aria would ever chose her over Ezra. How stupid of her to give into these feelings. How stupid of her to have hope. And like she always said...it was hope that bred eternal misery. 

She slowly pushed a chunk of pancake around her plate, watching as it soaked up the syrup like a sponge. She let it drown for a few more seconds before turning to stare aimlessly out the Marin’s back door. Spencer could feel a headache coming on. 

Hanna’s phone chimed loudly, pulling Spencer’s attention back in for a moment. Emily and Aria held their breath, which had become a natural reflex of theirs every time one of them would receive a text. Spencer on the other hand had become numb to the reflex, knowing damn well that they’d most likely always be from A. 

“It’s just Mona,” Hanna reassured the other girls who let out a great collective sigh. “She’s throwing one of her huge spectacular birthday parties tonight and wanted to know if we’d go.”

“And by ‘we’, I hope you mean you and Mr. Biscuit,” Emily chided, sticking her last forkful of pancake into her mouth. “I still don’t trust her.”

“Oh come one, Em. You already made me cancel camping with Caleb because of your little Food Network flop. The least you can do is come to this party with us.”

“No,” Emily huffed, excusing herself from the island. “The least we can do is not go at all. Who knows what’ll happen there. What if this is some set up and A is there, lurking in the shadows? What if Mona’s working with them again?”

“Em, we’ve been through this before. Mona’s changed. She’s on our side now.”

“Yeah, and how many times have you said that before? Last time it was Spencer that ended up almost being driven to insanity because of the little stunt she pulled. Who knows who it’ll be next.”

Spencer had a sudden flashback to the night she found John Doe in the woods who, at the time, she had believed to be her beloved Toby. Her body could remember the broken feeling of being completely helpless and extremely terrified. She didn’t like to look back on those memories, but they were her past and part of her now. 

“Yeah but that was then and this is now,” Hanna argued, dumping her plate into the sink. “Trust me, Mona’s changed for the better. I mean, who else would rant to me for three hours about how scruffy her Louboutins were after they were delivered? Plus it’s just a party. If it’s a complete bust, we can always go home. I just really think we should give her another chance.”

Spencer watched as Emily considered this, her tanned friend finally giving in with an eye roll. “Fine, but I’m bringing Paige. And you two,” she stared pointedly at Aria and Spencer. “Had better come too.”

“I’m up for a little party. What about you, Spence?” Aria turned her attention to Spencer, who was now secretly dumping her full stack of pancakes into the garbage. “Um...yeah, sounds like fun,” she replied halfheartedly. She knew going was probably a bad idea. A could text her and have her do something so horribly wicked. Or she would just feel miserable the whole night thinking about Aria photographing her English teacher half naked. She almost gagged at the thought.

“Party starts at 8,” Hanna threw over her shoulder, bounding toward the staircase. “I’m gonna start prepping now!”

“Hanna, it’s 11 o’clock in the morning!” Emily yelled after her. But there was no response. Aria chuckled, taking a sip of her coffee and eyeing Spencer lazily. “Did you sleep okay last night? I know I may be small but I do tend to take up a lot of room when sleeping.”

“Like a baby,” Spencer lied, turning on the faucet to start washing the dishes. As she scrubbed the syrup from the plates, she let the sound of the rushing water soothe her. Here she could focus solely on cleansing the dishes and not on the disgusting mental picture of Mr. Fitz she kept reminding herself of. 

Suddenly a pair of arms snaked around her midsection, causing her to jump and splash soapy dishwater all over her band t-shirt. A chin rested on her shoulder whispering, “Didn’t mean to startle you.” Spencer’s heart hammered in her chest. It was funny the way Aria now controlled her every emotion. Spencer hated not being in control. 

“Can I pick you up at 7:30?” Aria murmured, her lips awfully close to Spencer’s ear. “S-sure,” she replied hoarsely, dropping a fork into a sea of bubbles. She fished it out, scrubbing away with Aria still clinging to her. DAMMIT ARIA. 

She was going to be pulled right back in again. And with Aria jumping headfirst back into a relationship with Ezra, Spencer knew just how complicated it would become. She knew the feelings would gnaw away at her until the day she just couldn’t take it anymore and would have to spill the truth to Aria. That’s how it always went.

Back when Melissa had Ian, and then Alison had Ian...Spencer had thrown herself between them, gushing her feelings to the older boy. The same thing had happened with her and Wren. When it came to feelings and relationships, Spencer was an emotional time bomb waiting to explode. She just hoped that explosion wouldn’t happen anytime soon. 

 

\----

She was running down the trail, tripping over gnarled roots and jagged rocks, Hanna and Aria at her heels. She could see far below, over the tips of squatting vegetation, Emily’s head bobbing around in the water with a second head, half submerged by the gargling torrents. 

As soon as the trio had reached the rocky shore of the waters, Spencer could just make out that Emily indeed had an arm wrapped around Alison, pulling her closer and closer to safety. She breathed a slight sigh of relief knowing that the blonde was in safe hands now. 

As they came closer, Spencer could see a small gash on Ali’s cheek, blood pouring profusely from the cut. “Oh my god, is she okay?” Hanna cried out as soon as Emily was within earshot. 

“Yeah, she’s just got the wind knocked out of her and a couple of scrapes.” Spencer could hear the tremble in the swimmer’s voice who, given the reason she was in the water, had not caught Spencer’s eyes at all. 

Alison collapsed breathlessly onto a particularly large rock, Emily and Hanna swarming her to offer comfort and solace. Aria stayed back at Spencer’s side, tugging at her arm. “Wanna go for a walk?” It was odd the smaller brunette just wanted to up and leave after a crisis like this. “Sure,” Spencer found herself saying. 

Aria skipped into the forest, Spencer marching behind her and leaving all thoughts of Alison back at the rock where she sat bleeding. “It’s such a nice day,” Aria chirped, staring in awe at the landscape around them. It was like being in a miniature domesticated jungle. 

“It sure is,” Spencer cooed, stooping to pluck a vibrant pink flower from the bed of dirt beneath her. She swiftly caught up to Aria and tucked the flower, which strangely enough had turned to a maroon shade, behind her ear. It didn’t even occur to Spencer to take much notice. 

She also didn’t take the line of about ten squirrels running towards them as out of the ordinary either. Aria nealt to the ground, petting the lone jet black squirrel of the group. It sat, eyes fixated on the nut that it was currently chewing on. 

“Hey there, little guy.” The smaller brunette stroked a finger under the squirrel’s chin. “Hello, Aria,” it replied in a surprisingly deep voice that sounded exactly like…

“Ezra!” She plucked the nut from his paws and tossed it over her shoulder, picking the squirrel up and hugging it to her chest. “Aria, stop taking away his nuts.”

“You did not just say that,” Aria puffed, squeezing Squirrel Ezra a little too hard.

“I did, but I don’t think I meant to.”

Even now, Spencer could feel the ever present seed of jealousy sprouting in the pit of her stomach. She lunged forward, snatching Squirrel Ezra from Aria’s hands and tossed him back into the group of misfit rodents. When she turned back around, Aria was sniffling. “What’s wrong, Aria?” She asked, putting a gentle hand to her friend’s soft cheek.

“I love him, that’s what’s wrong.”

Spencer stared at her confused, not trying at all to make sense of anything happening around her. Suddenly Aria was back on her feet, jogging over to something behind Spencer’s back. Or someone…

Spencer immediately turned around but instantly regretted it. Instead of hugging a baby squirrel Ezra, she was now hugging an adult man Ezra...only he wasn’t wearing any clothes. At all. She shielded her eyes, 20% embarrassed, 30% angry and 50% hurt. 

Having dealt with enough of this Ezria shit, Spencer plodded back out of the woods and sat down on the rocks near Alison, Emily, and Hanna. They still wouldn’t look at her. 

“It must suck having Ezra _nuts_ about Aria,” Alison jeered, her fresh cut burning when she spoke.

“At least I’m not _drowning_ her with false hope like you are with Emily. Way to leave her on a _cliffhanger_ , Ali.”

“Says the girl who has to beg for attention from Aria. We should get you a collar that says: ‘Aria’s Bitch’ on it. What do you think, Em?” Alison turned to the swimmer who stared at her wordlessly. “Don’t you think you’re taking this a little too far?” Emily squeaked, fiddling with the purple bracelet around her wrist. 

“Who’s side are you on?” Alison scoffed, her eyes narrowing as she looked at her friends in disgust. She swiveled back around to face Spencer. “Why do you always go after what you can’t have?” Alison made a faux sad face, pouting her lips and giving the brunette large puppy dog eyes. “Don’t you ever see what’s right in front of you? Open your eyes, Spencer.” 

“What do you me-” 

But Alison cut her off. “You’re about as blind as Jenna. It’s all written out in front of you. Look **A** little closer…”

The last syllable of her sentence bounced around in Spencer’s mind, echoing off the walls of her head. 

When she opened her eyes, her face was smashed against the dirt, grass tickling her nose. She sat up slowly, an intense pain thumping through her head with every beat of her heart. Her stomach immediately coiled and she had to hold her breath to stop herself from puking. 

Red solo cups littered the space all around her, an empty bottle of Sobieski Vodka at her feet. She rubbed at the aching spot between her shoulder and neck and quickly drew her hand back when she felt something sticky. Through her clouded eyes and groggy vision, she could just make out the tinge of deep magenta that stained her fingers. Was that lipstick?

What the hell happened last night?


	5. kAhn you dig it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party at Mona's! Expect lots of horrible puns and drinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think of this chapter! More updates to come! Thank you for all the support!

Spencer was surprised she had managed to push herself up into a sitting position without puking. Oh no, wait. Yep. A rushing sense of nausea washed over her, eventually leading to Spencer dry heaving on the Vanderwaal's backyard lawn. 

Not a pretty sight to see. Especially not when a certain brunette was crawling miserably  towards her. Spencer shielded her eyes from the harsh sunlight, her head pounding with every stroke of her heart. 

“How ya feelin’, Spence?” Aria mumbled, holding up two water bottles. The taller brunette only groaned in response, swiping a bottle from a very loud Aria. Praying to wash the sour taste from her mouth, she gargled a swig and spit it out. God, her limbs felt like she had been hit by a truck. Head on. Going at least 110. 

It wasn't often that Spencer found herself drinking. Sure she'd had her fair share of dinner wines, such a glass of chardonnay after Melissa’s graduation, or had an occasional drink when her friends used to get together, but nothing this intense. She couldn't even remember a thing from the previous night. 

Spencer glanced up at Aria ready to ask her friend if she remembered anything, when she was suddenly hit with a flashback herself. 

There she stood at her door, a watch reading 7:29 rubbing awkwardly at her wrist, Aria smiling a foot in front of her. She wore a red flower printed dress, a leather jacket hugging her shoulders. Her hair was twisted to the side and her makeup was just a tad darker than usual. 

Spencer stood in awe, gaping at the smaller brunette. “You look...wow,” she breathed, too entranced to limit her word choice.   
She was, however, able to catch the slight color shift in Aria’s cheeks. “Thanks, Spence. You look great yourself.”

Spencer knew that was a lie. If Aria was a 10 in her book, then she was a weak 5. She had sloppily braided her hair, too tired to try anything fancy. It was pulled to the side, resting on top of a cream colored cardigan. Underneath that was a simple white button up which went along nicely with her comfy black leggings. 

“So...ready to go?” Aria jingled her car keys, excitement dancing in her eyes. Spencer was ready, in fact, for a glorious Ezra-free night. And maybe a drink or two. 

“Yeah, let me just grab my purse.” She ran to the kitchen counter, stuffing necessities into her bag. She was only going to have a few drinks (she wasn't a big drinker) so she decided to ditch the aspirin. 

Spencer picked up her phone. No new messages. All of her friends were going to be there anyway so why would she need it on? No text message from A was going to ruin her night. She quickly shut it off and dropped it into her purse, returning to Aria. 

The pair strolled out of the Hastings’ house and down the walkway to Aria’s car. As Spencer went to pull at the door handle, she could see Aria scrambling inside to move a pile of junk. She spotted The Scarlet Letter being pushed to the floor, a bright red A glaring up at her. 

“Sorry, I borrowed some books from Ezra and I haven’t had a chance to move them to my room yet,” Aria apologized apathetically as Spencer slid into the seat. The taller brunette felt her ears burning from becoming this worked up over a pile of books. They were just books. And Aria loved reading and Aria loved books. 

_Yeah and Aria also loves a particular English teacher._

Yeah...maybe it’d be more than one or two drinks...  
\---

Now she had no idea where her cardigan had gotten to. She was just wearing her white button up and...wait. The top four buttons were undone. What the hell had she been doing!? Or _who_ the hell had she been willing to _do._

_Aria?_

She glanced sideways at her friend, trying to match the shade of lipstick on her neck and fingers to that on Aria’s mouth. But to her surprise and disappointment, Aria’s shade had been wiped clean off and there was no telling what color had been painted on before.

_Who the hell else would she have been making out with?_

She hastily buttoned her shirt back up, brushing away the brown splotches of dirt and freshly mowed grass. Cursing herself for not bringing any aspirins, she stole another sip from her water bottle, shifting so that she was turned away from Aria. She probably looked like a complete mess. She definitely felt like one.

Spencer’s stomach gurgled maliciously. It was a strange and alien feeling; her body had become much accustomed to holding back and swallowing the ever present nausea. When was the last time she had even eaten? 

Spencer’s mind took another voyage into the deep recesses of her memories, trying to pluck one from last night. Had she even eaten last night? She went over a list of foods that could be served at a party. Mona’s party. 

And suddenly she was back under a tent full of catered foods. Hanna hung beside her near the pizza, the two already tipsy. Spencer was doing her best to avoid Aria. 

“Spence, I can’t even tell what half of this food is,” Hanna slurred, knocking into a table and almost spilling a tray of ham-wrapped coconut shrimp bites. “Just stick to the pizza then,” Spencer mumbled, grabbing something that resembled a meatball. She took a bite and her immediate reaction was to spit it back out. 

Hanna laughed hysterically, nearly choking on her pizza. “Ew, Spencer! Wait, wait. Look at it from this angle,” Hanna craned her neck awkwardly, struggling between laughing and inhaling her pizza. “It looks like that rat dog Ali used to have.”

Spencer chuckled, steadying herself from falling over by gripping the edge of the table. “Good ole Fawcett. Named because of her intensive peeing issue. Or was that just my opinion on the name?” She drawled, moving on to a platter of artichoke and cheese stuffed mushrooms. She piled a couple onto a styrofoam plate and grabbed Hanna’s sleeve with her free hand. “Come on, let’s go find Emily.”

Hanna stood grounded, shaking Spencer’s hand from her arm and went in for another slice of pizza. “YOU can go find Emily. She's probably got bored and snuck off with Paige somewhere... I think I’ve just found Mr. Right,” the blonde smarted firmly, gazing at her slice of pizza with giant heart eyes. “Hanna, that’s a fucking piece of pizza. Does Caleb make you drool that much?”

“Only when we’re camping,” Hanna whisper shouted, throwing a finger in front of her mouth. “Just don’t tell Caleb about _us._ ” She shoved almost the entire piece into her mouth, giggling slightly. “Right. I won’t tell Caleb about your adventures of deep throating a slice of pizza. Got it. He’s bound to be jealous.”

“Then I’d have to give him a _pizza_ my mind,” Hanna chortled, going in for a third slice. 

“Shit, Han, that was pretty _cheesy_.”

“And you think you can do _cheddar_?”

“Hey, don’t get _saucy_ with me, buddy.”

“ _Dough_ n’t tell me what to do, pal.”

“ _Cheesus crust_ , our pun game is on fire.”

“It’s because we’re weir _doughs_.”

“At _yeast_ I didn’t use the same form of pun twice.”

“Spence, I _knead_ you to understand that I could keep this up forever.”

“Same here. _Olive_ my puns will never go stale.”

“I bet you think you’re _topping_ my puns...but you aren’t.”

“Wow, great _delivery_ right there. 10/10, Han.”

“It was pretty _grate_ , wasn’t it?”

“There isn’t _mushroom_ for _supreme_ puns anymore, is there?”

“It’s _crust_ a matter of time until you break.”

“My con _dough_ lences then, because I believe it is you that will be broken.”

“Yeah, well…” Hanna faltered shoving a fourth piece of pizza in her mouth. After a beat, she narrowed her eyes and met Spencer’s, utterly defeated. “Fuck you,” Hanna grumbled, sticking her middle fingers up and stalking away to a fuming Mona.

“You’re a _pizza_ shit!” Spencer yelled after her, laughing loudly to herself. She grabbed her plate and stumbled toward the tent’s exit. One wrong footing placement later and she was tripping, smashing her plate of mushrooms into some girl’s red dress.

Hold on.

That wasn’t just some girl. It was-

“Aria?”

Spencer’s cheeks steadily flared into the same hue as Aria’s dress. The smaller brunette had caught Spencer in her arms, plate in all. Except everything that had once been on the plate was now making a new home on Aria’s dress. 

“Have a nice trip, Spence?” Spencer could smell the alcohol on her breath from where she was hanging. Aria’s arms were wrapped loosely around the small of her back, dangling her catch inches from the stubbly grass beneath them. Had she even noticed the mushroom puree all over herself?

“I thought you were still out there with the group...S-sorry about the…” Spencer trailed off, leading Aria’s eyes to land on the mush coating her red slip. “I got bored after you left...Oh that’s okay. Between you and me, this is actually Hanna’s dress. She let me borrow it a while ago and I never got around to returning it,” she smirked, bringing her face inches away from Spencer’s. 

“D-don’t you think she’ll notice?”

Aria looked thoughtful as if she were pondering the question. “Probably not. I borrowed it a while ago. She probably forgot about it by now.”

Spencer tried to keep her breathing steady, suddenly very aware of Aria’s proximity. “Probably,” she breathed, clutching the styrofoam plate in one hand and a fistful of Aria’s jacket in the other. 

“Well, since I’ve spoiled your dinner,” Aria said slowly, lifting her friend up and flicking a few mushroom scraps from her dress. “How about we sneak a piece of Mona’s super fancy triple chocolate cake over there?”

Spencer followed where Aria’s outstretched finger was pointing and was met with an enormous cake in the center of a collapsible table. Little iced plumes swirled in multiple colors across the cake, much like the path an ice skater might take. In the very center of the cake was a blown up edible picture of Mona herself. Spencer had never met another human being quite as self conceited as Mona. Unless you counted Ali. But she was gone now.

A daring and yet simple task with her best friend/crush who she had shared _quite_ the moment with just seconds ago? Where was the harm in that? Spencer nodded enthusiastically trying to quiet the little giggles that kept escaping.

Aria grabbed her hand and pulled her near the edge of the table nonchalantly. Or at least Spencer thought it was subtle. Maybe it wasn’t. She couldn’t really tell. Her insides were swimming in warmth, her heart pounding, but mostly because Aria had now entwined their fingers. 

And if Aria _had_ been subtle before, there was no way in hell Mona wouldn’t notice them now. She was just too giddy...reaching a sluggish hand toward the corner of the cake and pulling a messy hunk off...and another...her fists caked with frosting. And now Aria couldn’t even suppress her laughter and was full out cackling like a hyena. 

Spencer snapped her attention to a raging Mona who was now stalking over to them. “Shit, run!” Spencer grabbed Aria’s sleeve, tugging her out the back entrance of the tent. The pair ran towards the heavily wooded area and slipped behind a thick oak tree. 

“Where are you bitches?! You are totally gonna pay for ruining my cake! And I mean literally pay! That bitch was expensive!!” Mona seethed harshly to the darkened forest. Spencer was glad that she hadn’t decided to string her fairy lights on this side of the woods. Although it would tie in nice with thicker vegetation. 

Aria snickered loudly again, frosting sliding down her arms and plopping on the forest floor. “Shhh! She might still be out here!” Spencer held a hand over Aria’s mouth, trying her best to hold in her own laughter. When the coast was clear, Spencer finally let up. 

“Did you even get forks? Or...plates?” She asked, sliding down the trunk of the tree and into a sitting position. Aria followed awkwardly, trying not to let the cake spill from her hands.  
“Well...no…”

“Wow...You’re on thin _icing_ , Miss Montgomery,” Spencer drawled, watching the smaller brunette’s face twist into an even bigger grin. “I overheard you earlier with Hanna. You get pretty damn punny when you’re drunk. Is that a smart person thing?”

“Maybe.” Spencer said, her belly interrupting the chatty pair. Aria only stared at the two chunks of cake in her hands, apparently deciding what to do.   
She held an iced hand out to Spencer. “Here, just take a bite.” Feeling her body heat up again, color flooding her cheeks, Spencer greatly obliged, leaning in _very_ close to Aria. She took a tentative bite, letting the chocolate flavors seep into her taste buds. Holy hell was this cake amazing. She was pretty sure this was the best cake she’d ever eaten. And not just because she was eating it out of Aria’s hands. She went in for another sloppy bite, nearly biting Aria’s finger off. 

When her portion of the rich cake was gone, she sat up, brushing the crumbs from her face. Aria only stared at her, biting her lip, a smile twitching beneath her teeth. 

“What? Do I still have crumbs on my face?” 

“Not necessarily crumbs…” Aria trailed off, stuffing a piece of her cake into her mouth. 

“Frosting?” Aria nodded. “Where is it?” Spencer sighed, hating that she looked like an idiot in front of Aria. Her friend polished off the last bit of crumbly cake, slowly licking the chocolate frosting from her fingers. 

_Shit, that’s hot._

Spencer was far too gone to chastise herself about her uncensored thoughts. When Aria finally looked over at her, Spencer could see something had changed in her eyes. They were no longer as soft as they had been before when the pair had been joking about drunken puns. Now they were full of something completely different. Lust? 

“Right here,” The smaller brunette’s voice took on a surprisingly huskier tone. Spencer’s heart thumped madly in her chest and she was actually scared it might literally burst out of her skin. But here she was, still breathing, very heavily, and very much quite alive. 

In the next moment, Spencer’s cheek was being cupped, icing from Aria’s hands bathing them in a thin sugary layer. Now she was certain she knew exactly where the frosting was.

Aria was the first to close the space between them. At first it was awkward. And sloppy.  Spencer was still in shock that Aria Montgomery, even though she was under the influence, was kissing her, Spencer Hastings. She pulled away slightly, trying to recompose herself. 

When she clumsily leaned back in for another kiss, she was met with a hand undoing her braid and tangling itself in her hair. This time there were no clacking teeth, just unbearably soft lips, softer than Spencer had ever imagined them and the overwhelming urge to continue. 

When they broke apart for a lick of air, Spencer was the one who spoke first. “Aria,” Spencer said her name in a whisper. Aria only hummed lazily in response, trailing her lips down to Spencer’s jaw, nibbling a bit as she went. The taller brunette had to grit her teeth to stop a low moan from escaping. “What are we doing?”

It was against her better judgement to ask but she just had to know. It was like her heart had stayed sober. What was Aria doing? She had Ezra. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. It probably wasn’t even supposed to happen period. 

“Making out,” Aria murmured against Spencer’s skin, moving down to her neck and leaving a wake of sloppy sugary kisses. 

“Do friends do that?” Spencer asked, biting down hard on her lip. Aria shifted her position so that she was sitting on top of Spencer’s lap, the taller brunette’s spine snug against the tree’s trunk. 

“Were we ever really _just_ friends, Spencer?”

Maybe,” Spencer said, tilting her head to one side to consider it. “For like two good years…” Aria took advantage of the head tilt and snuck a hot, open mouthed kiss to her pulse point. 

Spencer grabbed the smaller brunette’s jacket in response, her head lolling back in ecstasy. Aria let her hands roam down from Spencer’s soft hair, replacing her lips back on the trembling girl’s beneath her, tongues exploring hesitantly. She pushed the creamy cardigan from Spencer’s shoulders, tossing it behind her to be long forgotten. 

Deciding this wasn’t such a bad idea anymore, and letting the alcohol settle in more, Spencer let herself go, lips smacking slightly with her friend’s. Aria reached a hungry hand toward Spencer’s chest, fingers hovering over her slamming heart. She hastily undid the buttons, never once breaking contact with Spencer’s lips. 

Before she could finish unbuttoning the brunette’s shirt, however, a very loud Mona and Hanna came crashing noisily through the brush, flashlights flickering. “I swear I heard them over here,” Mona spluttered, ambling along and sweeping her flashlight over the wooded area.

Aria and Spencer froze, staring at each other in an excited panic. Aria quietly shifted so that Spencer had enough room to stand and the pair quietly got to their feet and began to tiptoe away. 

Adrenaline coursed through Spencer’s veins as they skirted around the trees avoiding flashlight beams. Her hand was once again snug in Aria’s, the smaller girl tugging her silently back toward the reverberating music. 

“Mona, can we just go back to the party? I know you were pretty pissed off at Aria for that stuff that happened earlier, but can’t we just go back and have fun? It’s your party after all. And that pizza is calling me again.” 

“Fine,” Mona growled, her words clipped. “But if I see her again, I’m gonna slap that smug little face off of it. And maybe her eyebrows too.”

 

So _that’s_ where the lipstick had come from. For once, Spencer’s suspicions about Aria had been true. She still didn’t know exactly why the brunette had suddenly decided that making out with her in the middle of the woods after stealing a very expensive cake was the best idea. Weirdly enough, it only made Spencer feel 10 times as much confused as before. Did Aria even remember doing it?

And what had Hanna meant in her flashback about Mona being pissed at Aria? She strained to recall any other things that happened but her mind only drew a blank. 

Spencer sat up straighter rubbing her temples. There had to be a chunk of the night that she was missing. Aria stifled a lazy yawn beside her, gazing up at the sky, watching as the clouds raced to cover the sun. Thank god they did because the intense sunlight was not helping Spencer think at all. 

And then her eyes fell to the empty bottle of liquor at her feet. Her breath caught in her throat as a traumatizing memory found itself visible. 

 

She sat with a red solo cup in hand, some mixed drink that Hanna had brought to her. It smelled fruity. Spencer didn’t even care what the hell it was, so long as it got her drunk fast. She was sick of thinking about the canoodling Ezra and Aria had probably done the night she photographed him. Disgusted, she took a long, hard swig. 

They sat in a perfect circle. The only people she recognized were Hanna, Aria, Emily, Paige, Mona, Noel, Eric, and Mike. The rest were nameless faces that went to her school who she never really associated with. These “popular” girls weren’t really part of her crowd. Nobody really wanted to hang out with the girls who had a killer stalker on their tails at all times. 

Hanna sat to her left while Emily occupied her right. After the awkward car ride to the party, and her mixed emotions, Spencer had been avoiding Aria. But the little brunette sat happily in between Emily and Paige, swirling a concoction of her own in her plastic cup. 

Spencer wasn’t really big on games, let alone at a party, but she somehow found herself being shoved into a loose circle, squished between her close friends. It was Noel’s idea and Mona had been all for it, grabbing an empty beer bottle and placing it in the center of the ring of teens. 

“Who’s ready for a little spin the bottle?” Noel smirked, raising his cup into the air and earning loud cheers from the surrounding group. Spencer kept her mouth shut.

“Since it’s my party,” Mona butted in, playfully shoving Noel out of the way. “I’ll go first.” Noel winked at her and Spencer watched as Mona batted her long lashes at him. _Gross_.

She flicked the bottle and it spun a few rotations before the mouth came to a complete stop. At first, Spencer thought it had landed on her but upon further investigation she realized it had stopped facing Hanna. 

“Now this should be good.” Noel jeered, rubbing his hands together eagerly. Spencer turned her attention away from him, utterly disgusted. Men were such pigs.

Instead, she focused on Mona as she crawled toward Hanna, breaking the circle. Hanna held up a finger, downing the rest of her cup, Mona waiting patiently. When she finished, she tossed it over her shoulder and leaned in toward her best friend. It was a quick kiss but it was awarded with a mass of cheers started by Noel himself. “Very nice, ladies.”

Hanna rolled her eyes and spun the bottle. It landed on some guy Spencer didn’t recognize at all. “Do you know who that is?” She leaned over to Emily, her head starting to feel a slight buzz. “Pretty sure that’s Travis Hobbs.”

Spencer nodded distractedly as she watched her friend casually make out with a total stranger. She swore they had been going at it for at least five minutes before Mona broke them up. “Han, aren’t you still with Caleb? Wouldn’t want to ruin your perfect relationship, now would we?” 

Hanna only glared at Mona, wiping the drool from the corners of her mouth as Travis spun the bottle. Spencer followed the rotations with her eyes, becoming increasingly dizzy. It paused on Emily and she wasted no time with her kiss. It was swift and chaste and before Spencer could process it, the bottle was lazily spinning around again. 

And luck would have it that the spout just so happened to stop in front of Paige. “Cheaters!” Hanna yelled jokingly. A chorus of surprise rippled through the crowd, the word ‘cheat’ popping up the most. “We’re not cheaters,” Emily said, softly cupping her girlfriend’s face. “We’re just that good.” 

Spencer found it weird to watch her friends kiss so intensely so she focused instead on a particularly long piece of grass sprouting up from the ground. She could hear Noel whistling. “Count me in on that action!” He grinned, clapping very loudly. Spencer took another long sip from her cup, feeling the warmth seep into her veins. 

Paige’s spin turned the tables and stopped at Noel. “‘Bout time!” He smirked, wriggling his way over to Paige. “One kiss from me and I’ll turn you straight. But I’ll be sure to go easy on you.” 

“You wish, pal. Is that what you say to all the girls you’ll never get?” Paige shot back, repulsion laced on her face. She leaned in for a quick peck and made a show of violently gagging afterwards. Emily giggled and placed a gentle kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek, draping herself drunkenly over her. “Nice one, Paige.”

There was only one thing worse than having Ezra and Aria put their affection on display like some animal at the zoo. And that was Aria kissing someone else, who could potentially mean something to her if the whole ‘dating your teacher’ scenario didn’t work out. So as Spencer sat on the Vanderwaal’s lawn, stars twinkling overhead, she prayed Noel’s beer bottle wouldn’t land on her friend.

_Please don’t land on Aria. Please don’t land on Aria. Please don’t land on-_

“Aria.” 

The way he purred Aria’s name made Spencer sick to her stomach. She wanted him to forever keep that name out of his mouth. He didn’t deserve to use it. Spencer clenched her fist. 

She didn’t even want to watch the horror unfold. Spencer downed the rest of her cup and excused herself to go find more alcohol. “You’re gonna miss the show, Spencer. Sure you wanna leave right _now_?” Noel had already made his way over to a bubbly Aria.

“Yep.” Spencer grumbled over her shoulder, making her way over to the closest keg. But then she decided against that and went straight for one of the neighboring bottles of alcohol. She didn’t even bother grabbing a cup. She just unscrewed the top and took a giant gulp. She cringed as the taste hit her tongue but continued anyway. She didn’t even know what she was drinking, and she didn’t really care either. As long as it could momentarily distract her from the kissing fest a few feet away. 

When she grumpily returned to the circle, Noel _still_ had his lips to Aria’s, hands left free to roam her body. “I’m gonna be sick,” Spencer spat, alerting Emily of her presence once again. “Well if you’re going to puke, I suggest you do it that way,” the swimmer said, pointing in Hanna’s direction. The blonde was completely oblivious. 

Everyone in the circle seemed to be cheering on the pair, shouting things like “Get a room, horndogs!” or “New ship alert! Ariel is my new OTP!”. Everyone except for her and Mona. The raven haired girl sat with her arms crossed tightly over her chest, an evil glare honing in on Aria and Noel. Spencer detected that same hint of jealousy that she felt in her gut. 

It was probably very unwise to make Mona Vanderwaal pissed at one of her own parties. Her eyes glittered like black beetles in the light of the bright stringed orbs hanging around the space. Spencer watched as her eyebrows knit together in seething displeasure. 

“Alright, Noel, time’s up.” Mona warned, grabbing the collar of his shirt and ripping him from Aria. Spencer tried not to dwell on the fact that half of Aria’s lip color had been smeared all over Noel’s stubbly cheeks. 

Needless to say, Spencer had had enough with this _empty_ bottle game and decided to hightail it back over to where she left her opened bottle of whatever it was that she'd been drinking. But this time, she put her hand on Hanna’s shoulder, urging the blonde to follow. Hanna began to complain about getting up and moving but as soon as Spencer mentioned food, Hanna had leapt to her feet in an instant. 

 

Spencer never knew Aria to be a wild party animal. But then again, she never thought she’d be making out in the woods with her either. It was strange to discover all these new hidden secrets. Now that the clouds had covered the sun, Spencer shivered, wishing she knew exactly what part of the woods her cardigan had been discarded in. 

Before she could awkwardly ask a hungover Aria if she remembered the spot, Eric Kahn had made his way over to them in a huff. “Have you guys seen Noel?”

Spencer coiled bitterly at the name. Aria only stared at Eric thoughtfully. “We haven’t seen him recently...why?” 

“He said he was going into the woods to take a piss last night and I don’t think he ever came back. I’m not sure how much he had to drink, but if something happened to him, it’s all on me.”

_What a loss that would be_ , Spencer thought sarcastically. 

“We could help you look for him if you want,” Aria suggested, staggering to get to her feet. Spencer glared at her friend, feeling her chest tighten. After the little charade he pulled last night, Noel Kahn was at the top of Spencer’s shit list and she did not intend to help the group find him. 

“Count me out,” Spencer chided, laying back down on the patchy earth and closing her eyes. “I’m sure Han or Em could help you out, though.”

There was silence for a beat before a cute button face popped above Spencer’s own. “Come on, Spence. Please? For me?” Spencer opened an eye and was met with the signature Aria nose scrunch and the cutest pout she had ever seen.

“Fine.” She stated flatly, extending an arm for Aria to help her to her feet. “But if we’re going on an adventure through the woods again, I suggest taking a few more musketeers.”

 

\---

It was painfully difficult to navigate the heavily wooded area when still slightly drunk. Every few paces Spencer would stumble or trip. Or fall. And Aria was always there to catch her, a snickering Hanna a few paces behind, stumbling over her own feet every now and then.

Paige and Emily brought up the rear, barely speaking. Spencer assumed that they both felt so sick that if either of them uttered even a word, a powerful wave of nausea would hit with catastrophic consequences. 

Eric had disappeared farther down the trail, excessively checking behind every shrub or tree rooted to the earth. The group trudged on silently, plodding over fallen trees and rotting logs.

Spencer turned over the idea of asking Aria if she remembered anything from the previous night. What if she did and she fiercely regretted it? Or what if she didn’t remember and Spencer was still left in her rut of lust? 

She decided to ask later, once the duo had some alone time. _If_ they had some alone time. Aria still had to take her home. Unless things became too awkward. Then she could always ask Hanna or Emily.

Suddenly Eric burst through the shrubbery, eyes wild and hands trembling violently. Spencer and Aria, at the head of the search party, both yelped in surprise.  
“G-g-guys! HURRY!” His voice was full of tremors and Spencer could visibly see how difficult it was for him to spit the words out. The group shot after him, Hanna and Emily both nearly puking their guts up. 

When they finally caught up to Eric, he was on his knees facing a very thick tree trunk. Spencer spotted her creamy white cardigan not far off, snagged on a thin tree branch. She snatched it back and thankfully stuck her arms in it, the wind ruffling her messy hair. When she turned to ask Eric about what he found, her jaw dropped in horror and she was met with the answer herself. 

Aria gasped, throwing herself into Spencer’s chest and burying her face into her neck. Spencer held her tightly, numbed with fear as the rear of the group circled around and saw what had caused the color to drain from Eric’s face.

Noel Kahn sat, his back against the same tree Spencer’s had been pressed to earlier. Only, he wasn’t enjoying himself like she had been. A tightly bound rope had pinned him up against the tree, another noose shaped one, snug around his throat. His once rosy lips were now a deep shade of ghastly periwinkle. 

Noel’s eyes bulged lifeless from his skull, clumps of dried blood caked and matted in his frazzled hair. Every inch of his skin had been robbed of its peachy hue, traded instead for a ghostly white. 

 Spencer’s heart hammered at the scene in front of her. Noel was dead. He was undoubtedly dead. The same guy who had been teasing her and eye humping Aria only a few hours earlier. Dead.

“Somebody call a damn ambulance!” Eric screamed, burying his fingers beneath the noose at Noel’s throat, scratching uselessly at the knots. “I don’t have my phone!”

Spencer reached into her back pocket, shakily grabbing her phone and switching it on. The home screen lit up after a few seconds and a sudden notification popped up. 

**TWO NEW TEXT MESSAGES**

Spencer gulped and tapped to open the messages.

_2:14 AM:_   
_Why don’t you do us all a favor and give Noel the slip? He’s been a very knotty boy. XOXO -A_

_3:36 AM:_   
_Tsk, tsk, tsk. You’re losing your edge, Spencer. One more slip up like that and I’ll make sure it’s someone closer to you next time.  
Kisses! -A_


	6. cAr to explAin yourself?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer, Spencer, Spencer....what are we going to do with you?

Spencer, once again clad in a bikini, sat perched on a rock, knees hugged against her chest. Her chin rested solely on her kneecaps and every once in awhile she would dip a finger into the cool lake underneath her. Her friends still hadn’t forgiven her for pushing Alison off of the cliff. 

Spencer felt a flurry of emotions but empathy wasn’t one of them. She felt like shit that she had pissed off her entire friend group, save Aria who was doing god knows what with Ezra in the woods. But it just felt weird to think she could possess guilt over what she’d done to Ali. It made her insides squirm.

She felt the prospect of crying, but not because of her actions that landed Alison in the deep blue lake. It was the overwhelming sense of helplessness that scratched at her insides, begging to be let out, and it was because she didn’t know if her friends would ever forgive her.

To be on the wrong side of this situation was not a foreign feeling for Spencer. Whenever Alison had picked an argument, it was like she would become a magnet, drawing the other girls to her and using their numbers to her advantage. And since Spencer was a Hastings, she was never one to back down from a fight. 

The girls’ fights usually ended in nasty name calling and heated insults, once or twice a few faux punches and bluffs. But then the next day, Aria would always call Spencer to talk over what happened and something would always click alerting Spencer of just how petty they’d both been. She’d call up Alison and they’d spend the evening showering each other with apologies that became more meaningless with every phone call and empty promises to never fight again.

But now it was different and Spencer knew a phone call could never fix what she’d done. Maybe she’d lost them all forever. 

She watched a bug skim over the surface of the lake, gliding smoothly. She realized how nice it would be to never break the tension and dip below the surface. To solely exist without purpose and glide through life unscathed. She wouldn’t have to worry about the mysteries that lie in the murky depths, or the anxiety clawing at her from below. It would just be Spencer. Spencer Hastings and nothing else to worry about except getting enough oxygen and taking care of her body. Spencer Hastings and absolutely no one else. Spencer Hastings alone. 

Spencer sighed, shifting her weight so that she could peer over the edge of the rock and into the water. Her reflection frowned back at her, a notch between her eyebrows as a glare settled over her features. The sunlight glittered and rippled over the tiny waves splashing against her rock. She liked the little ‘bloop’ the water made as it caved over itself. 

She looked so young yet so old as her reflection danced over the waves. It was like there were two of her, a mature Spencer and a younger Spencer who had sent her friend flying off a cliff. The two fused together created a strange illusion. It almost looked like her mother, staring back a her from beneath her, ready to chastise her for not being the perfect daughter. 

Spencer winced as a pang of anxiety hit her stomach. She’d never be the daughter her parents wanted. They’d already made that plenty clear. She pushed her foot into the water, breaking the surface and shattering the woman staring up at her. 

When the water calmed down enough, she could see her reflection again but this time it looked like her. Rough around the edges but soft and vulnerable in the middle. As she started another staring contest with her doppelgänger, Spencer noticed a new shape drifting lazy across the water. It was dark, and loomed nearer. She couldn’t tell if it was a navy blue or...black.

Spencer whipped around too quickly and nearly gave herself whiplash. She was met with a dark hooded figure, reaching brusquely out to her and smacking a gloved hand to her mouth. Spencer tried to scream but only a silent puff of air came out. 

She tried kicking but that just made her limbs feel even more like Jello. Her attacker’s fingers curled around her jaw tightly and Spencer clawed at them desperately trying to escape. She felt like a ragdoll, the hooded figure now dragging her back off into the woods. Her energy levels were already low and surprisingly enough, her adrenaline hadn’t kicked in yet or even made itself present. 

Spencer swore she heard the person laugh and found it to be quite a familiar laugh. One that she heard nearly every day. Her mind was too numbed to pinpoint the exact origin of it though.

And then she was being thrown to the ground, her head knocking off a large root jutting out from under a solid oak tree. Her brain felt scrambled and her vision was going in and out, oxygen depleting. And only when her sight returned to both eyes did she realize that she was tangled in knots of rope, bound to the tree. Her attacker hovered over her, Spencer still too disoriented to confirm their identity. 

Whoever it was, Spencer couldn’t dismiss the fact that it was A, snug in an oversized black hoodie. A rounded on her, knife in glove poised threateningly over her throat. A chocolate colored strand of hair dipped below the hood and Spencer’s eyes widened to the size of china plates.

“M-Mona?” She questioned, still not 100% sure that her ex-archnemesis was the one behind the hood. A only moved forward, yanking Spencer’s head up and pressing the knife to her skin. 

Spencer stiffened. The skin at her throat burned and her voice bubbled and gargled somewhere at the back of her mouth. She was breathing heavily now, too heavily. Spencer felt like she was going to pass out. The knife throbbed against her skin.

The next thing she saw was a glimmering knife and A being knocked sideways, falling with a patter and a soft thump a few feet away. She looked up, tears springing to her eyes, her throat on fire. She could only stare as a figure in a red coat moved toward her. 

If she could speak, she still wouldn’t know what words to use, what sentences to create. Spencer watched as Red Coat hastily picked at the knots wound around her body. She couldn’t see a face, only a mob of golden honey hair spilling from underneath the hood.

Was that Hanna? Had Hanna fought off Mona or A or whoever the hell it was? 

Spencer felt the rope around her frame falter and she was quick to untangle herself. Red Coat steadied her as she found her footing, panting heavily. A was gone, and so was the knife. 

Spencer glanced around uneasily as if A would suddenly pop out from behind any tree like Ghostface and attack her again. 

There was a loud ringing in her ears and everything sounded like she was submerged twenty feet underwater. Her vision doubled and she felt herself fall into the mysterious Red Coat. 

“Spencer,” she spoke, trying to catch the brunette’s fading attention. Spencer glanced up and gasped, registering that the cheeky face staring back at her belonged to Alison. “You have to run, Spencer. Go!” 

Spencer stood stock still, dumbfounded. “Run, Spencer, run!” Alison shouted, awkwardly pushing Spencer into a brisk walk. Spencer stumbled over the uneven earth and ran until she passed the rock by the lake. She kept running until she eventually passed the rest of her friends huddled on their own rocks. She kept running until she collapsed, somewhere far from everything, so far that she couldn’t even hear the birds chattering away anymore. 

And then she stopped.

\---

A week after the tragic events that had taken place in the Vanderwaal’s woods, Spencer roamed the halls of Rosewood High as normally as she could with her close friends. Every night this week she had had nightmare after recurring nightmare, each involving a psychotic A taking her prisoner and a red draped Alison saving her. It was weird. But not as weird as the Squirrel Ezra dream. Spencer shuddered. 

There were still pictures and sloppily handwritten notes plastered around Noel’s locker. It was weird to Spencer to think he’d never hang around the halls again, sticking plastic compliments to every girl who happened to pass by. How he’d never open his locker again. Or see how much everyone in the school had really adored him. 

Spencer wasn’t particularly fond of him, especially after the shit he pulled with Aria at Mona’s last weekend, but that didn’t stop her from paying her respects. Even if she wasn’t writing an essay about how much his dick had impacted her life like everyone else, she still passed his locker silently out of respect, dodging weeping juniors here and broken down sophomores there. 

Aria was still pretty shaken up about everything. Spencer may or may not have been avoiding her as much as she could this past week. But that was partly due to the fact that she hadn’t mustered up enough courage yet to ask her about the cake in the woods. Or if she even remotely remembered it. 

Now she stood leaned against her open locker, resting her head on its frame, the cool metal doing little to help her throbbing headache. Every morning this week she had woken up to one, wondering if they had been conjured by her nightmares. It was like a bad hangover but for dreams.

Spencer could hear the trio of girls from down the hall and moved quickly to gather her books for second period. She slammed the locker door shut, brushing past yet another sobbing student, when a hand grabbed her shoulder stopping her dead in her tracks. 

“Off to second period so soon?”

_Aria._

Spencer immediately tensed, hugging her books closer to her chest. She spun around to face the rest of the group, chewing on her bottom lip nervously. 

“Yeah, Spence, where’s the fire?” Emily asked, running a hand through her hair and fluffing it up. The girls always teased her when she fixed her hair in front of a mirror because she made a weird face along with it that they had dubbed her ‘mirror face’.

“Apparently at your house, Em.” Hanna had wound her way through a throng of depressed sophomores and was now beside Aria as well. 

“Shut up, Hanna, that was like a week ago.”

Spencer watched over their shoulders as a small girl, no older than 14, winced as Mona and her new girl posse pushed past her. Mona rammed into the girl on purpose, knocking her binders from her hands and causing a tornado of papers to spiral toward the dirty floor. A few scattered pieces drifted to the girls’ feet, one or two of them being pictures of Noel.

Aria stooped down to pick them up and handed them to the sniffling girl. She turned away quickly, threw her hair over her shoulder, and practically ran away from them. 

“It’s still so weird to think Noel’s really gone,” Aria mused. Spencer looked away and an awkward silence filled the space between them. It was almost like a pregnant pause. Minus the comedic after effect.

“Some of the freshmen built him a shrine. I heard they’re performing a séance after second period,” Spencer replied dully. Once again she found her shoes to be quite interesting. 

“If I didn’t have chem, I’d totally go,” Hanna snorted. “Remember that one time when we got a Ouija board and tried to contact the spirits you thought lived in your house, Spencer?”

“None of us could sleep for a week.”

Emily gave a short bark of laughter. “I don’t know what you guys are talking about. I slept like a baby.”

“Yeah, if you mean by crying half the night and refusing to shut your eyes unless someone rocked you to sleep,” Hanna grinned. Emily just rolled her eyes. 

“Wasn't that Alison who had to?” Aria wondered aloud. Spencer thought for a moment before nodding her head robotically. She remembered the blonde taking extra care to make sure Emily was safe. 

“I think it was, because I remember thinking how sweet that moment was,” Aria put a hand on Emily’s shoulder. The tanned swimmer flashed a small sad smile, obviously getting wrapped up in the past. 

“She was a pretty decent person sometimes,” Spencer commented, recalling the few times she actually respected Alison’s actions. 

“Sometimes,” Aria mirrored. 

Spencer glanced up at Aria, not surprised to find her staring back intensely. The taller brunette tucked a strand of her own hair behind her ear and ducked her blushing face away from prying eyes. Looking at the girl standing in front of her, Spencer could only see a very drunk, cake-smeared-on-face, bi-curious Aria...the version from the previous week who had left her in a sugary sweet coma. 

Now she couldn’t even meet her best friend’s eyes. How would she ever build up enough courage to even ask her about that night when she couldn’t even stand in the same atmosphere or vicinity without feeling an awkward buzz around them. 

“Do you guys ever feel...like she never really left?” Hanna suddenly asked, diverting Spencer’s attention away from her shoes. “Like we’re still half battling a demon who threatens to spill our secrets?”

“Are you suggesting that you think Alison is alive…and A?” Aria glanced skeptically at the blonde, her eyebrows knit, and just a hint of a nose scrunch showing through.

“Yes...no...maybe? I don’t know. I just have this weird vibe. Like the time they ran out of chocolate pudding in the cafeteria so I had to get vanilla. Something felt really off about it and turns out the damn thing was spoiled.”

Spencer did not want to discuss A. At all. It was bad enough she was already getting daily love letters and reminders from ‘She/He Who Shall Not Be Named’. Not only that, but A had also dug so deep into her mind that every one of her dreams was filled with them. She couldn’t even escape from the torture in what was to be lighthearted and silly dreams. Now she sat up half the night, staring at her ceiling, wishing she was anywhere but her dark and inviting room, feeling hollow and numb. 

“You should become a superhero,” she said, wishing to change the subject. “The Vibe. ‘Saving one student’s pudding after another’.” She waved her free arm through the air for emphasis. 

“The Vibe?” Emily echoed, tipping her head to the side. “Why are you missing the opportunity to use The Pudding Snatcher? Or even Hanna Banana?”

“Never call me that, Emily, or I _will_ snatch your pudding.”

“Scratch that. That sounds oddly erotic,” the swimmer cracked, receiving a light punch from the neighboring blonde. 

“Invasion of the Pudding Snatchers,” Spencer drawled, watching Aria’s smile twitch to life. She swore she saw something hidden in the shorter brunette’s eyes, but when she blinked it was gone. 

Hanna shook her head lightly, hooking her thumb through her bag’s straps. “Anyway, pudding monsters aside, I really think Ali’s alive. I was reading her diary and-”

“Wait, you have Ali’s diary?” Aria inquired dubiously. Hanna nodded, which rewarded her with six eyes staring back at her skeptically. “What? Just because I was dubbed the “blonde” of the group doesn’t mean I’m not smart.”

Emily let out a miniscule puff of laughter and Hanna glared at her for a beat.

“Look, I went over to the DiLaurentis house the other day and Mrs. D let me up into Ali’s room after I told her I lent Alison one of my Farrago bags. So I did a little snooping and I found it.”

“And you didn’t think to share it with the rest of us?” Emily folded her arms over her chest, her backpack strap slipping off one of her shoulders from the fervent movement. 

“I was going to! When I found something that actually meant something. Besides a bunch of gunk and fanfiction about us, there wasn’t really much in there that could help us with this whole A dilemma. She changed all of our names but some are easy to figure out. You’re The Mermaid,” she said pointing at Emily. “She said she liked you the best.”

Emily’s face shifted and she opened her mouth as if to say something but thought better of it and shut it again. She pursed her lips, waiting for Hanna to continue. 

“But there was one entry that really confused me. Alison kept talking about how she didn’t trust someone. At first I thought it was you, Spence, because she kept mentioning how it was someone who wanted what she had, but could never have it. But I’m not so sure anymore. That’s why I thought maybe Ali was A and threatening us to get back at you for revenge.”

Spencer felt her breath stop short. She knew for a fact that Alison could never be A. The more she thought about it, the less likely it seemed that the spoiled, narcissistic blonde could ever be able to pull something as grand as this off. And Alison was dead. Plus, Alison was afraid of someone before she went missing. That person was probably A. And that person was the same one who had recruited Spencer to join their team. 

She had a small suspicion building, however, that Mona was back on the A team. After her little freak out at her party, and then Noel’s abrupt and mysterious death, it didn’t take long for Spencer to piece together the jagged edges of this puzzle. Plus, Mona had always ended up being A in her dreams. She was sure of it.

“That diary was from over three years ago, Han. Are you sure you want to trust it? You saw the body. Alison’s dead and I say we try to find a new light to pinpoint who A is and stop chasing literal dead ends,” Spencer retorted, guilty digging her nails into her skin. 

“You never know,” Hanna countered. “I’ve been reading a lot of those mystery novels lately. Lots of mega plot twists.”

Defeated, stressed, and very sleepy, Spencer leaned back into a row of lockers groaning. “Can we just save all this A talk for after school? My brain’s already numbed enough from first period’s English.” She made sure not to glance at Aria.

“I can’t do after school. Caleb’s taking me to The Brew and then we’re going to see that new horror movie.”

“And I have to meet with Ezra again. He’s going to look over my scholarship essay,” Aria said. Spencer clenched her jaw so tight she numbed her headache.  
“Looking over your ‘scholarship essay’,” Hanna air quoted. “Sure. I’ll believe that if scholarship is code for your body.”

Spencer could feel her face heating up. Surely it was almost time for class? She couldn’t stand here another minute discussing Aria and Fitz’s sex life when she had just been making out with the shorter girl a week before. 

Turning to Hanna, Spencer grumbled, “Well, we better head to class. I don’t feel like being late for chem. Again.”

“It was twice, Spence. And that’s only because I had to fix my makeup in the bathroom.”

“It was three times,” the brunette said. “And you dragged me with you. So now I’m dragging you with me to chem. BEFORE the bell rings.”

As soon as the end of the sentence trailed arguably from her lips, an ear splintering wail filled the halls, signaling that anyone who was not in class was most definitely tardy. 

“Might as well touch up my makeup now that we’re late anyway.”

\---  
There were too many noises filling the small classroom for Spencer to concentrate. Her head was bowed over a worksheet designated to a multitude of various chemistry equations. She bounced her leg rhythmically, a pen tapping to the same beat against her desk. Usually she lived for the satisfaction of diving head first into equations and coming up on the other side with a sweet victory. Only today, she was much too distracted. 

_Okay, Spencer, I’m going to read this over to you for like the fifth time already. It’s just chemistry. Something you seriously lack on with Aria._

_Okay, whatever, point aside._

_Write a balanced equation for the combustion of ethane C2H6 in oxygen O2. The products are carbon dioxide CO2 and water H2O._

_Okay._

_This is easy._

_Simple._

_A piece of cake._

_Cake._

_Oh god, when should I even ask Aria about the cake? Should I even ask her about the cake? I don’t even know if she’ll remember._

_Of course she’ll remember, you idiot. It’s not like someone brainwashed her and stole her memories._

_But some people get totally shit-faced._

_But you remember it._

_Because I barely drank anything._

_Yeah, if you want to call ‘barely drinking anything’ downing at least two bottles worth of liquor then sure. You barely drank._

_Okay, enough. I have to focus on chemistry now._

_I thought you were._

_Hahaha, very funny, me._

She shuffled her papers and straightened her position in her chair. Spencer glanced over to see Hanna working very diligently, an odd sight for sore eyes. She should be mirroring that image and living up to her model student status. 

She twirled her pen in her hands, reading the simple problem over again. 

_Write a balanced equation for the combustion of ethane C2H6 in oxygen O2. The products are carbon dioxide CO2 and water H2O._

Spencer fiddled with the pen’s cap, eventually leaving it stuck on the end of her pinky. The pen came to a thoughtful rest against her lips, her brain rereading the equation yet again.

_Come on, Hastings. Are you seriously going to let Aria distract you from one of your favorite school subjects?_

_Just focus._

_On chemistry._

_And not that kind._

_Okay, breathe._

_Oxygen, oxygen, oxygen._

_..._

_I wonder what Aria’s doing right now._

_Seriously? FOCUS ON THE DAMN PROBLEM._

_Okay, okay._

_So it’d be...C2H6 + O2 → CO2 + H2O._

_Then you’d balance the carbon..._

_Her outfit was so cute today. But I don’t think anything can ever beat her little snuggly tiger sweater. And those damn kitten socks._

_The way her big button eyes light up in excitement over the smallest things. Or how one day they were a rich emerald green but the next they were a soft hazel. I’ve never noticed them like that before._

_God, her nose scrunch is what gets me. When I die, they’ll have to write ‘Cause of death: Aria Marie Montgomery’s adorable nose scrunch’._

_FUCK, SPENCER. F-O-C-U-S._

_Carbon._

_Carbon._

_Carbon._

_Where was I?_

_Oh yeah, her adorable nose scrunch…_

\---

“Hey, Spence, did you get 2 C2H6 + 7 O2 → 4 CO2 + 6 H2O for number one?” Hanna asked, scooting herself closer to the brunette. Not looking up from her vacant stare which had consumed her paper, Spencer bobbled her pen wildly in her fingers. 

“Where’d you go, space cadet?” The blonde asked, snapping a finger in front of her friend’s face. Spencer blinked hard, slowly coming out of her daze. “What? Oh...um...I got 3 C2H6 + 4 O2 →  CO2 + 2 H2O…” 

Hanna tilted her head like a confused puppy. “I don’t think that’s right.”

“What do you mean?” Spencer shifted her worksheet around to study the problem again. “I mean,” Hanna said, tugging the paper to face her. “I don’t think your numbers are right. Where you have a 3, I have a 2 in front of carbon. And you have a 4 while I have a 7 in front of my oxygen. And then same thing goes for the second half of the equation.”

The brunette watched with little focus as Hanna tried to explain where she went wrong. It was so weird to Spencer to get something as simple as chemical equations wrong. Actually, it was weird to get anything wrong at all. 

“...which would leave you with the end product of 2 C2H6 + 7 O2 → 4 CO2 + 6 H2O.” Hanna finished proudly. Spencer kicked herself for not listening to a single word her friend had said. She’d just figure it out later.

“When did you get so good at chemistry?” She asked, drawing mindless scribbles in the margin. “When did you get so bad at chemistry?” Hanna laughed, returning to her work. “I thought _you_ were supposed to be the smart one.”

“Sometimes we can’t all live up to the titles bestowed upon us. Wouldn’t it be hard to always be the person everyone thinks you are, when you’re really nowhere near that in reality? Sometimes things change.”

“Ugh, don’t go all cryptic on me,” Hanna grumbled lazily, pushing her focus back to her own work. “Now hurry up and do number two so I can see if this winning streak lasts.”

\---

Spencer sat on her bed, her chemistry textbook open wide in front of her, notes scattered around her in her own organized system. A highlighter cap rested in between her teeth, its marker working a furious wave of color over different equation solution processes. She still couldn’t figure out what she’d done wrong. 

All of these numbers and letters just seemed to jumble around in her mind, bashing the inside of her head to a pink pulp. Spencer placed a tense finger to her temple, another headache throbbing behind it. She slipped a piece of paper in the middle of her chemistry book, shutting it softly. She rubbed her arm, eyeing the small jewelry box on her shelf. 

_Don’t._

She stood up anyway, oddly aware that she was now trying to be as quiet as possible. It was her room and her parents weren’t even home. It was just the situation that had put her in this position, she supposed. 

Spencer tipped the lid from the jewelry box and peered in at its contents. There were a few earrings, most of which had no matching partner, some sparce bracelets and rings that had been gifts from her grandmother who had passed, and a small orange bottle. 

The prescription writing on the label had been rubbed off due to the times she had held it so tight that her sweat had swallowed the words whole. She swallowed hard, popping the child proof locked cap off. A few small pills rattled around. 

Well aware that she had the entire house to herself, Spencer still took caution to glance over her shoulder before popping two of them into her mouth. The water bottle on her desk was gently lifted to her lips, washing down the Adderall and a mouthful of guilt. 

She scraped her hair up into a ponytail and pushed the palms of her hands into her eyes. Now she had yet another thing to feel guilty about. 

_But it’s just a study aid_ , Spencer tried to convince herself. She clambered back onto her bed and opened her book up to the page that was bookmarked. 

“Balancing equations…” she read to herself, absentmindedly playing with the pages of her textbook. She chewed on the inside of her cheek, her hand grabbing a pen and shaking it distractedly. She began to take a couple of notes down.

_Buzz Buzz_

Her eyes sunk down to the phone that rested beside her foot. 

_Hanna might be good at chemistry but I say you should brake her and Caleb up. They’re wheely starting to tire me. Thanks in advance, Spencie! XOXO -A_

Spencer fought the urge to roll her eyes. Of course A would find it completely hilarious to fill their texts with the stupidest puns. She was so tired of doing the black hoodie’s bidding. But after the whole Noel situation, she wasn’t going to let one of best friends lose her life over it too. It was one thing to receive a text, but another to fulfil the evildoers requests. 

She dragged her finger over the screen, dismissing her text message. Her bed shifted under her weight as Spencer struggled to gather her notes up neatly. She gave up halfway through and numbly shoved the rest of the loose papers messily into her chem book. 

The black hoodie sat perched in her closet, easily mocking her from a distance. She threw it on over her head in one swift movement, her ponytail swishing clumsily behind her. 

She didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to potentially but her friend in harm’s way. But it was better to have her scared than to have her dead. 

Figuring A meant for her to do something to whoever’s car had driven the duo to The Brew, Spencer bolted down the stairs and out the back door, heading briskly toward the barn. She pulled back the door and stepped into the space, allowing the darkness to absorb her for a beat. 

Nabbing the small tool box her father kept on the counter, she flipped her hood up and stalked back through the doors. With a miserable sigh, Spencer crossed her lawn toward the car parked in her driveway. 

\---  
As soon as the neon lights of The Brew came into view, Spencer’s anxiety came rolling back. It coursed through her veins, turning them to ice, and rattled her bones, giving her violent shakes. She held the steering wheel tightly, keeping her head bowed just in case Hanna and Caleb were anywhere with sight access to her vantage point. 

As she put her car in park, her gaze flicked down to the tools sitting in the passenger side seat. She had zero experience with cars. And had no idea what A wanted her to do. She knew that she would 100% NOT cut the brakes to anyone’s car, not even A’s. That was a death sentence in itself. Maybe she could slash the tires. Or key Caleb’s car. 

She decided to go ahead and slash his tires because, hell, at least they wouldn’t be operating the car in order to experience A’s request.

Spencer slid stealthily from her car, tool box swinging noisily from underneath her clenched fist. Cursing the stupid red box under her breath, she tiptoed around the patches of light spilling from the streetlamps until she stopped at a car that resembled Caleb’s. 

Opening the toolbox, Spencer was greeted with some kind of wrench, a lame looking hammer and one...two..three..four….four screws. Absolutely nothing that would aid her in her tire slashing.

Frustrated, she stooped down to the side of the car opposite from the large windows in front of the small cafe. She picked up the wrench and gave it a good toss and feel before fitting it over one of the lug nuts attached to the wheel. Maybe she could just pop an entire tire off, ditch it somewhere and come to Hanna’s aid when she called for an S.O.S.

Spencer began twisting effortlessly, but the lug nut didn’t seem budge. With fatigue claiming her arm muscles, she took a break, wondering why it wasn’t loosening up. In fact, she was sure it had gotten tighter. She tried another nut. And another. But none of them seemed to come out of their tight stance. 

She rolled forward onto the balls of her feet, studying the studs with intensity, her brow furrowed deeply and beads of sweat starting to collect at the base of her hairline under the thick hoodie. It wasn’t until she heard the jingle of the door’s bell did she realize she’d been twisting the lug nuts to the right. 

_Righty tighty...Lefty loosey. Shit!_

“I can’t believe you didn’t like the pie!” Hanna’s voice rang out into the dark atmosphere, causing Spencer’s breath to catch in her throat. 

_Shit, shit, shit._

She hastily gathered up her tools and rounded the car, awkwardly throwing herself down the alley to the building’s right. Her lungs heaved in a deep gulp of air, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Did you hear that?” Two pairs of feet grew louder as they tramped toward Spencer’s ‘hiding place’. She clamped a hand over her mouth, willing for her heart to quit hammering before its thunderous beats gave her away. 

“It was probably a raccoon,” she heard Caleb say. “They always hang around here, stealing scraps of food from strangers. I’m pretty sure Emily’s named one of them.”

This time Spencer’s ears filled with both the sounds of Hanna cackling and blood roaring. “I wouldn’t doubt that. She probably named it something really stupid like Fluffy or Bandit.”

“I’m pretty sure it goes by Mr. Handsome Pants,” Caleb joked, earning what Spencer presumed to be a light smack from Hanna. “That’s demeaning. What if I started calling _you_ Mr. Handsome Pants?”

“Then you’d be known as _Mrs._ Handsome Pants.”

Spencer rolled her eyes at the couple as their voices began to fade. She heard the distant slam of a car door and popped her head out only when the soft rumble of the vehicle had passed the alleyway. 

Everything seemed perfectly fine. Caleb was going to take Hanna home and they’d be okay. Just because Spencer had failed A’s request, didn’t mean she hadn’t tried. That had to count for something...right? A wasn’t going to kill them because of another ‘Spencer slip up’...right?

She plodded back to her car and pulled open the driver’s side door, throwing herself in and letting the lights above her slowly dim. Spencer sheepishly picked up her orange bottle that sat in the cup holder and poured out two more pills. She gulped them down with a swallow of water and twisted the key in the ignition. 

A jazzy tune smoothly flowed from the car’s speakers, putting the brunette into a trance. God, she was tired. Tired of A’s threats. Tired of putting her friends at risk. Tired of her grades slipping. Tired of having feelings for Aria. 

She sat there, hands on the steering wheel, eyes unfocused, taking in the soft song in the dark air around her. If she closed her eyes for a moment, she could pretend she was living a normal life. Like she was out on the town, dancing to this song somewhere, a guys arms wrapped around her body.

But as she pictured herself to the beat of this song, she could only measure the steps with a _girl’s_ arms wrapped around her. And they weren’t just any arms. They were the ones who held her close. The ones who caressed her skin. The ones who made Spencer feel like she was everything and nothing at the same time. 

She sighed, breaking her thoughts, wondering why she was still parked outside of The Brew, which was now closed, on a school night. 

_Wait, when did it close?_

She glanced at the time shining in a neon blue above the radio and her eyes widened. It was 10:45, over a half an hour since she’d gotten in the car. Had she fallen asleep after she took the pills? Her mind went blank trying to recall where it had wandered.

Shaking her head to clear the fuzz, Spencer drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. Her left leg bounced sporadically as she scanned the surrounding area for any oncoming cars. 

As soon as she was about to pull out onto the road, a police car zipped by. The blue and red flashes blinded her for a moment, causing her to nearly floor the car up and over the sidewalk. Her foot, however, skidded backwards and the car didn’t dare move an inch. 

Two more police cars followed closely behind the leader, an ambulance wailing as it raced by the vacant shops of Rosewood. Spencer’s heart began to pump wildly, her eyes trailing after the vehicles. Adding to her anxiety ridden panic, she jumped when a loud chime went off from somewhere in the passenger seat. 

Spencer blindly reached over the console, patting around in the darkness to locate her phone. When she finally closed her fingers around it, she quickly brought it in front of her and audibly gasped when she read the text. 

_I really owe you one, Spencie! A two for one deal! How generous of you...XOXO -A_


	7. it tAkes two to mAke An Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has different coping mechanisms.....

Three rings.

Three rings until Hanna answered her phone.

“Hanna?” Spencer’s voice was raw with exhaustion.

Background noises filtered through the speaker pressed firmly up against her ear. A mangled voice broke through on the other end. “Spencer?”

Spencer leaned back in her seat with slight relief, dropping her head back against the headrest. It was now almost 3 AM and she was still camped out in her car. The Brew’s neon lights had since faded, as did most of the other shops’ and the only light illuminating anything was from a few streetlights down the road. Her pills had made her groggy and confused so Spencer found it best to wait out the trip in her car. Putting her in a deeper state of anxiety. Especially with the A text that had come through.

“Hey, where are you?” Spencer tried to play it cool but she could barely hide the tremor in her voice. She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as a nervous tick. 

“The hospital.”

Her fingers thrummed a little faster on the wheel. “Oh my god, Han. Are you okay? What happened?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just a broken arm,” Hanna replied from the other end of the phone. “Caleb and I were headed to the movie theater when our front tire randomly popped off. Caleb swerved and we hit a guardrail. He shattered his collarbone and broke a few ribs, but he’s doing better now that they’ve bandaged him all up. We both are, really, there’s nothing to worry about. Doc says I’ll be as good as new in about 10 weeks or so.”

Spencer felt her insides twist with guilt. She shifted the phone so it rested between her ear and right shoulder, watching a young man scurry out of a shop and into the harsh orange circle of light beneath the streetlamp. 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered into the phone.

“It’s not like it was your fault, Spence. I told you we’re both fine. And with the food they have here, I’m not complaining. Much. Do you know they have honey buns here? The size of your face?”

Spencer felt like she was some mottled rodent and guilt was her predator. She flinched as it attacked her once again, almost consuming her whole. 

“No, I didn’t,” she replied emptily. 

“It’s mandatory that they keep me here overnight, plus I’m staying tomorrow with Caleb, so why don’t you bring Aria and Em here after school tomorrow? We can all get honey buns and gossip about everyone who walks into the cafeteria. There was a weird dude in here earlier with one eye and a limp. Caleb calls him Patchy the Pirate.”

Spencer tried to cough out a laugh for show to bury her shame, but it just sounded forced and too high pitched. “Hanna, you know that’s a hospital and there are legitimate and serious medical things wrong with people and it’s probably unwise and sinful to make fun of them.”

“Yeah, but it’s fun and gives me something to do while I’m here. Caleb can’t come out of his room so I take a bunch of pictures of the wackiest patients and show him whenever I’m done down here. He always comes up with the best names.”

“I bet.” Spencer watched the man under the bleak streetlight flag down a car and hop in. They drove off in such a hurry that she didn’t catch the car’s color. A sudden memory of when she used to play a game of ‘who can spot the most cars of this color’ with Melissa and her parents as a child flashed through her mind. She longed for those simpler times when crushes were known as sodas and love was just a thing she had exclusively for her family. When accidents meant spilling your friend’s juice instead of accidents meaning the potential death of one of your closest pals. When cooking was using an Easy Bake Oven instead of almost burning your house down with a real one. When happiness was the only emotion felt. 

“Well,” Hanna declared, a slight crinkling noise flowing through the phone, “It’s kinda hard for me to eat this giant ass honey bun with one hand. Plus, I’m pretty sure my phone’s almost dead. So, see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Spencer decided, a wave of unfamiliar relaxation settling over her frazzled body. “See you tomorrow.”

\---

“Wait, so you’re telling me that Hanna nearly died and the only thing on her mind right now are cinnamon rolls?”

Emily plopped down in her seat in the English classroom, Aria and Spencer hovering above her. “Honey buns,” Spencer corrected. “As big as your face.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to eat all of mine,” Aria leered, eyeing Spencer with concern.

“Well, if the ratio is one honey bun equals the size of an average person’s face, you probably _will_ have difficulty finishing yours. You know, since you’re so small already.” 

Aria rolled her eyes, delivering a light punch to Spencer’s shoulder. “You think you’re sooo funny. I bet I can finish the entire thing...by _myself_.”

“You’re totally losing that bet then.”

“Okay,” Aria smirked, drawing in more of Spencer’s attention (if that were even possible). “If I win...you have to be my personal assistant for a week.”

Spencer snorted. “Personal assistant? Since when do you need assistance?”

“When someone puts the _one thing_ that I need on the highest shelf…”

“Fine, but if I win...you owe me one movie, my place, and a pizza, extra toppings. Deal?”

Aria stuck her hand out to Spencer, a glimmer of mischief in her eyes. “Deal.”

The shorter brunette turned back to Emily who was now taking her notebook out and turning to a fresh page. “Wanna be the judge for our little escapade, Em?”

“As much as I’d love to watch you eat your own body weight in a glorified pastry, I unfortunately have swim practice after school.” 

“Why do you say it like that?” Aria was settling into her assigned seat which was right beside Emily’s. Spencer still hung over the pair, not yet moving to her own which was placed in the front of the room. 

“Like what?”

“Like someone’s going to drown you in the pool or something. I don’t know, just the way you said ‘swim practice’ makes me think you’re not looking forward to it.”

“I’m not. Paige and I sorta had a huge fight last night.” Emily didn’t meet either of their eyes as she nestled back into her notebook, jotting the date down in the top right corner.

“Are you okay?” Aria asked, clinging to the side of her desk trying to get Emily to look at her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Well,” Emily began, still not budging from her bowed posture. “Paige-” The swimmer was suddenly cut off as the bell rang signaling that classes had officially started for the day.

Grumbling, Emily quietly whispered to the pair, “I guess I’ll just tell you guys later.”

Spencer hurriedly strolled across the room to her seat, spreading out her neat note papers in front of her. Just as she had precisely lined up each page on top of each other, Ezra brushed by with a breeze, ruffling her hard work and sending her OCD skyrocketing. 

“Good morning, class,” he beamed, making his way toward his desk. With a tilt of her head, Spencer tried to place what had made him so chipper on a dull and dreary weekday morning. Then she realized. Aria had gone over to Fitz’s last night to get “scholarship essay advice”.

She wondered if Aria had slept over. Her stomach did a flip that would have earned an 8/10 in the gymnastics portion of the Olympics. 

Ezra began taking role, busying himself in the morning routine that the whole class was used to. Spencer said a clipped and automatic ‘here’ when he got to her name, just like always. Aria spoke her ‘here’ in a smoothed voice, higher pitched at ‘the end to earn her a wider smile from their teacher; just like always. 

“Okay, guys, take out your notes and we’ll get started with our great pal, Gatsby for today.”

There were a handful of groans and “Can’t we just watch the movie?”s that intermingled with the scraping and snapping of binders opening and closing and notes being pulled out.   
Ezra began his lecture with a quote from the last chapter of the book, a verbatim that Spencer recalled quite well. 

"’When a man gets killed I never like to get mixed up in it in any way. I keep out. When I was a young man it was different . . . I stuck with them to the end . . . Let us learn to show friendship for a man when he is alive and not after he is dead.’”

Spencer’s eyes drooped a bit as her attention wavered. She was so tired. It’d been at least 4:00 by the time she crawled into bed that morning. Running on only three hours of sleep, two cups of coffee and a couple adderalls, Spencer was sure she could fight through the day without a wink of sleep. 

Ezra’s monotone voice flowed through one ear and out the other as Spencer tried to stay focused. Her thoughts, however, only seemed to have one thing in mind today. 

She twisted in her seat to face a smitten Aria. Spencer narrowed her eyes, squinting to read which expression decided to make itself appear within the smaller brunette’s deep irises.

She barely even registered the small cough from behind her as belonging to someone of importance. When it occurred again, this time deeper and much more projected, she diverted her attention from the oblivious brunette and snapped her head around to face an annoyed looking Ezra. 

“Spencer, you really ought to be paying more attention to what I’m teaching you, and a little less time ogling at your classmates. I’m not sure what’s gotten into you recently, you used to be one of my top students. So if you could just sit forward and listen to the lecture and give a little bit of your time and respect, I’d really appreciate it.”

Spencer nodded sharply, obligated to pay attention to his teachings even though she completely despised the man. He flashed her a tight lipped smile for a brief second and Spencer had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. 

The chalk ran in squiggly lines over the blackboard, occasionally bearing squeaks that made Spencer’s skin crawl. She shivered and pulled her cardigan over chest, tucking her hands just below her armpits. 

“As you all know, The Great Gatsby has a myriad of themes that can be open for discussion,” Ezra began his lecture, eyeing Spencer closely and then shifting his gaze to whom Spencer presumed to be Aria. 

“Aria,” he called out, confirming the brunette’s suspicions. “Any themes that come to mind?”

Spencer couldn’t help but to crane her neck to watch her friend answer the question. 

“The American dream. You know, rags to riches with a little hard work?” Aria straightened her slouch and puffed out her chest continuing. “Gatsby was trying to earn enough wealth to win back Daisy, but she wasn’t the same girl as the one from his memory. The man practically put her on a pedestal and worshipped her...Love can make a man do crazy things.”

From somewhere behind her, Spencer could hear a low hum buzzing from her teacher. Repulsed, she kept her eyes glued to Aria and her ears in tune to the rambling word flow tumbling from her mouth. She studied the passionate way Aria’s lips would curl when she knew she had stumbled upon a fantastic analogy. 

“It sure can,” Ezra seemingly sighed. “Like when Wilson shot Gatsby while he was swimming in his pool just because he thought Gatsby had killed his wife, Myrtle. Now, while Gatsby was covering for Daisy, he had plenty of things on his plate to be guilty about, yet he places someone he cares about deeply above him...why do you think so?”

Spencer glanced around to see every other student staring down at their desks “in thought” or what she assumed to be daydreaming. As soon as she was about to answer the question herself, Ezra was calling on Aria. Again. 

“Love is a powerful force. It can make you forget why you were ever sad, or remind you why you are. It can unravel anything and dissolve the layers we’ve built up upon ourselves. It’s like losing yourself and finding yourself in the same instant. It’s like...finally coming home.”

The shorter brunette’s gaze shifted from Ezra and landed on Spencer, a small smile tugging at her lips. Spencer’s cheeks immediately caught fire and she ducked her head with a cheeky grin. When her eyes flitted back up to Aria’s, she was disappointed to see that they’d reconnected with Ezra’s.

“Yes. Home,” their teacher concluded, “right where Gatsby was shot. Wilson cared so deeply for his wife that he’d do anything to get revenge on the person who had tried taking her from him, even in death.”

Spencer wasn’t even comprehending whatever the hell Ezra was ranting about behind her. She’d gotten lost watching Aria toss her dark sweep of hair over her shoulder in a swift and clean movement. Observing as the smaller brunette sucked in her bottom lip as an expression of deep concentration, Spencer couldn’t help the overwhelming flood of thoughts pouring into her conscious mind.

_Look at her...My little Short Stack._

_Wait...no...not_ my _little Short Stack_.  
Ezra’s.  
 _Well whatever. At least in this classroom, I can stare at her little nose scrunch as long as I want without it being considered weird. Fitz is such a creep._

...

_I’m a creep…..I’m a weirdo…._

_Okay, Spencer, enough with Radiohead. I really don’t need a song stuck in my head reminding me that Aria’s got herself her own little creep…_

_God, I don’t even know what she sees in him._

_It’s like she’s under his trance._

“Spencer.”

Spencer jerked her head around, spooked to finally notice how close Ezra had invaded her personal proximity. “Second warning, Ms. Hastings. Either you shape up and put a little more effort and respect into my class or you’re out of here. Maybe you should follow the example behaviors set by your peers...like Ms. Montgomery.”

Another eyefuck.

Spencer dug her nails into the palm of her hand.

“This behavior coming from a Hastings is very surprising to me. You know, I heard your sister is actually getting one of her personal essays published. Maybe if you’d show a little more attentiveness and quit wriggling around in your seat like a hyperactive snake, you’d have something to show for that your parents could finally be proud of.”

A deep cleft formed between her eyebrows as she opened her mouth to smart back a witty response. Ezra took a step forward as if he were patiently awaiting to see if she’d dare enough to actually talk back to him. 

“Well,” Spencer drawled, calmly leaning back in her desk chair. “Melissa was nothing but a kiss ass teacher’s pet. Maybe if you’d use a more professional and adulterated approach to your _work and teachings_ , it’d hold my interest and attention a little better. Constantly parading around your own little work as if you hold a Pulitzer yourself really strips my motivation. You’re obviously convinced no one could ever beat out your _award worthy_ love poems for a certain someone who shouldn’t even be considered a certain someone.” 

She felt her cheeks heating up as her words became more fiery with every twitch of her mouth.

“You’re pathetic. Here’s a little poem for you, _Fitz_. ‘I walk into a room just as cool as you please, and to a man, the fellows stand or fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, a hive of honey bees. I say, it's the fire in my eyes, and the flash of my teeth, the swing in my waist, and the joy in my feet. I'm a woman. Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me.’” 

She pushed her tongue into her cheek with a mock smile upon seeing his face twist into a grimace. 

“Maya Angelou. Truly a phenomenal woman.” Spencer clucked her tongue and shrugged as if she were talking to a casual acquaintance. Ezra wore the deepest shade of red Spencer had ever seen upon his face. His eyebrows were like fat little caterpillars, slanting dramatically inwards and creating rippling folds cascading over his features. The only word that he allowed to be slipped out between his gritted teeth is a mere “Office,” in the form of a growl. 

Spencer sighed dramatically, stuffing her notes into her folder. She takes her time, making sure to move at the slowest pace possible. But then, she realizes, she didn’t exactly do anything wrong. Her attention slipped for a brief second, she recited a poem, and her teacher had almost thrown a fit.

“Why?” She merely countered, pausing her cleaning and interlocking her fingers. She rested them on top of her desk, putting on a faux smile and watching the tips of his ears melt into a molten red as well. 

“Because,” he clenched his jaw, leaning coolly against the front of his desk. “You’re being a smartass.”

Some of her classmates snickered which only riled her up more.

“ _I’m_ being a smartass?” Spencer actually laughed at this. She turned around to see Aria’s reaction to her potential lover’s comments but to her dismay, the shorter girl was instead focusing on the top of her desk. 

She snorted, returning her gaze back to the fuming English teacher. “We wouldn’t even be having this conversation if you’d just asked me _with a little respect_. Isn’t that what you said I lacked? Have you ever heard of projection? You know, pushing one’s own feelings onto another to disguise their true emotions?”

A look of pure anger was smeared across Ezra’s face as he unsuccessfully tried grappling the situation. He curled his fingers tightly over the edge of the desk, reaching his over hand up to scratch roughly at his patchy chin with little apprehension. “You’re a pretty good demonstration of that, Spencer.”

She blinked rapidly, trying to recover from his snipped words, but failed to concoct anything else witty to snap back with. She bit the inside of her lip, her scowl never once faltering. Ezra spun around on his heel and noisily scribbled something on his blackboard, but Spencer didn’t pay him a lick of attention. 

She smoothed down her blouse as a means of ‘licking her wounds’ and took her note sheet back out. Spencer angrily doodled a picture of Ezra in the margin, depicting the devil, with little horns and a forked tongue accessory. Lead drawings of fire danced around him.

It was actually somewhat decent. She really captured the anger in his beetle-black eyes. Maybe she could turn it into him for extra credit. 

\---

“What was that back in English? Why were you hammering Ezra so hard about everything?” 

They sat in Aria’s car, approximately three minutes after the bell had rung. Spencer’s seat belt had already become locked and she had no intention to fix it anytime soon. She was too caught up with a flood of emotions building at the back of her throat. 

Aria stared back at Spencer with big doey eyes. She couldn't look at them. She couldn’t look at them and pretend she didn’t feel the ache in her chest. The ache that kept her awake at night, yet asleep in her wonderful world of unfathomable dreams and realities. 

Spencer rested her forearm on the cool siding of the passenger side door, playing with the automatic window button. She didn’t put enough pressure to actually allow the window to slide down. 

“Sometimes,” she started and paused, rethinking her words. She shook her head in the end, resting her gaze on her hands, which had now merged together in a clammy and desperate mess. They both stay silent for a beat, Spencer’s unspoken words swimming lazily around her mind. 

“Sometimes when I see the way he looks at you...or the way you look at him…” She stopped again, tilting her head down farther, hoping Aria hadn’t caught the glimmer of tears beginning to form at the lip of her eye. 

_Was she really about to do this?_

“That night at Mona’s when you kissed me after we stole the cake...did that...did that mean anything to you? Because god, it meant the world to me. It was like I was all boxed up in a package of unwanted feelings and scary thoughts and confusion and you just ripped the lid clean off and everything came spilling out.” 

“I’ve tried,” she choked out. “I’ve tried so hard to push these feelings away. But I guess they were like a boomerang. They came back every time I tossed them aside, stronger than ever. You make me feel like I have a place in this world. Like I can finally be at peace. No more ‘Spencer Jill, Little Miss Perfect’, ‘Veronica and Peter Hastings’ Star Daughter’, ‘No Flaw Hastings’. I can just simply be Spencer in your eyes.”

The next words that would come tumbling from her chapped lips were the hardest to push out. “Aria...you feel like home.”

With more bravery than when she challenged Fitz, Spencer slowly lifted her chin and glanced over at Aria. She didn’t even care that splashes of tears were streaking down her face. “Was it real? Or were you just really drunk?”

A heaviness hung over the two girls as Aria fumbled for the right words. “Spence…” She reached a hand over to grab the brunette’s. Spencer stiffened but relaxed into the smaller girl’s touch, waiting for a rejection or a rejoice. “You know that I’m with Ezra. Even though things are a little complicated right now. And that we both had a lot to drink that night…”

Spencer ripped her hand free from Aria, her throat tightening and her vision blurring. “Okay,” was all she could force out, and even then it was through a soupy sob. The car door flung open and Spencer hastily wrenched herself out of the twisted seat belt. She hobbled out of the door frame and immediately started running in the opposite direction from the school.

“Spencer!” 

She ignored every sound that found itself lodged deep in her mind and kept pushing herself forward. Her feet thrummed painfully fast over the pavement, her cries coming out in soft gasps, and her lungs screaming for larger gulps of air. 

God, she felt like the world’s biggest idiot. In what reality did she ever believe she had a shot with Aria? It was stupid. Every thought that she’d ever dare let herself have. Every strain and every ache. For nothing. Those nights she used to stare emptily at her ceiling, making friends with the shadows, thinking of sharing the space with Aria…

She was so stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

It was as if her entire body was lost to a sea, drowning in teenage angst and unrequited love. She’d been so warped and wrapped up in the damaged fantasy that she’d actually taken in the gift of hope that Aria had given her, only to have it snatched away before she could use it. 

All of the signs she had misinterpreted. The cuddles that she’d taken in and absorbed as being ‘more than friends’ cuddles. The soft spoken exchanges between the pair, hinting at a spark slowly igniting. Every small touch, brush, or hand hold that would render Spencer completely breathless would never made Aria feel that as well. It was all a lie. But the worst part was that it wasn’t even Aria’s lie. It was Spencer’s...to herself. 

Now she had a flurry of emotions bashing around in her head. Part of her wanted to hide away from everyone and everything and never show herself to the world ever again. She burned with dread and extreme embarrassment from letting her true emotions reign free and pilot her actions. The other part of her wanted to cry until her body couldn’t produce anymore tears. To get to that point where she’d just be silently shaking, messy tears and makeup smeared all over her cheeks. 

To run herself off the edge and into a numbed state, where the walls of her room blended together into a perilous entity that she was no longer afraid of.

Spencer blindly ran through the student parking lot, sniffling and choking, trying to locate her car. She didn’t know if Aria had followed her or not after she’d torn herself from the smaller brunette’s vehicle. 

Everything was closing in on her, putting too much pressure on her shoulders and physically forcing her to crumble to the pavement. She sat there for a second, staring up into the hazy gray sky, pleading for it to just downpour so she’d have another excuse to feel sorry for herself. 

Little pebbles and bits of gravel pressed themselves harshly into her exposed ankles, creating small beet red grooves and patterns. She didn’t care. The physical pain was only a minor accessory to the emotional pain she was feeling inside. 

With her ego and dignity popped and deflated, she scraped herself upward in a whirlwind of pity and threw herself into the car. The little orange pill bottle still sat mockingly in the cup holder. She shouldn’t take any more before it blossomed into an addiction again, but something inside of her chest compelled her to reach for the bottle, swiftly unscrew the cap, and shake out two more pills. 

Spencer closed her fist around them, feeling the shapes of the pills underneath the skin of her palms. She shut her eyes tight, flavorless doom impending in her hand, ready to be tossed down her throat. After a deep breath she let the pills fall back into the bottle. 

She just wanted to go home. But home wasn’t a place to her anymore. It was a someone. And by the looks of it, she’d never return home. And that what caused the dull ache to thump behind her ribcage, echoing up into her ears and splashing down her face.

That’s when she decided she had to get out of the school parking lot before Aria or Emily approached her in this state. Starting her car and backing out of her parking space, she wiped a few straggling tears from under her eyes with the back of her thumb. 

A scraggly and ruffled looking Spencer met her attention in the rearview mirror. Not caring at all that she looked like It who’d been hit a dozen times by a tractor trailer, she continued to pull out of the school’s lot, barely even stopping at the stop sign. 

A quiet song tickled her ears and she readjusted the dial to register what song was playing.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_'Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now._

Spencer stiffened, recognizing the song, her palms slick against the steering wheel. She only focused ahead of her, the yellows and the whites in the road blurring together with the hot sticky tears forming in her eyes. 

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

_And sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't wanna miss you tonight._

Fidgeting relentlessly, Spencer shifted her position and blinked rapidly to clear the oncoming threats to her safety. It was daunting, really, to drive with tears tearing away your 20/20 vision and stripping you of your senses. 

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's meant to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am._

She couldn’t take it anymore. Smashing the POWER button with her thumb, Spencer put on her blinker and pulled off into the nearest recreational location. It was a small diner that had only a handful of cars parked outside, and a 50’s styled atmosphere.

Parking outside of the small establishment, she let the car careen forward as she pressed the brake firmly and pushed the gear shift  into park. For a second, she held her breath, letting the tears build up before she mercilessly wiped them away.

Spencer reached for her water bottle, her throat dry from the excessive crying, but realized the container was completely empty, save for a few droplets clinging onto the inside. She swallowed painfully, her chest tight as she shook with a silent sob.

Large raindrops splattered on the windshield, singing her a natural lullaby. Deciding that she couldn’t take another moment of the dry scratchy feeling sedimenting itself in the back of her throat, Spencer threw the car door open and stepped into the cold rain.

It immediately drenched her cardigan, soaking through the thin material and clinging to her chattering frame. She lumbered up to the double doors and pushed her way through with a hefty sigh. 

A little bell chimed above her and a woman behind the counter chirped a welcome. Spencer ignored her and shuffled into the entryway, streams of rainwater and stale tears gushing down her body. 

“Spencer?”

Body rigid, Spencer pivoted on her heels, spinning around to pinpoint where the voice had come from. She’d recognized it immediately even though she hadn’t heard it sing her name in quite some time. Only a few people were scattered in the surrounding booths, quietly murmuring to their respectable counterparts in the opposite seat.

When her eyes finally landed on the vocal culprit, she took a few hesitant steps toward the owner, pawing away her shiny tears. He watched her with a sort of twinkle in his misty green eyes. “I haven’t seen you in ages, how’ve you been?”

His thick accent turned his ‘been’ into more of a ‘bean’, fork hovering over a dish of what looked to be something along the lines of a steak. 

Spencer took the seat opposite of him thinking _what the hell_ , and tugged her drenched cardigan from her shoulders. “Dandy,” she hummed sarcastically, shivering as a cold breeze from the air vent tickled her shoulders. 

He surveyed her with a speck of doubt, watching her trembling soaked frame. In a nimble movement, he was yanking his black Oxford hoodie up and over his head.

“Wren, you don’t have to-” 

She was cut short as he tossed it over the table at her. Spencer caught it with one hand, flicking her gaze between the sweatshirt and his curiously smirking face. “Thanks,” she mumbled, throwing it on top of her flowered blouse. 

It smelled notably like a latte, swirls of cinnamon and an overall male musky scent blending together as they swathed the inside of her nose. She hadn’t smelled that in a long time.   
“So what brings you to Mickey’s?” Wren asked, shoving a fork full of steak into his mouth. 

Befuddled by the foreign name, Spencer glanced around at the small photographs hanging on the walls until her eyes landed on one that showed a large black and white man cutting a ceremonial ribbon in front of what she assumed to be the restaurant she was sitting in now. A neon sign hung above the diner spelling out ‘MICKEY’S BURGERS AND STEAKS’.

“Just...in the neighborhood…”

“Didn’t think many people knew of it,” he said, wiping his mouth with a dirtied napkin. 

Of all the places and people Spencer imagined herself being in and with right now, Wren nor Mickey’s would never have come to mind. She chewed her lip awkwardly, about to say a clipped goodbye, when a waitress strutted over to their table. 

“So another has joined,” she smiled fakely, obviously annoyed that Spencer was the one sitting across from Wren and not her. She had fat blonde curls that looked like they’d spring back with a bounce if you pulled them hard enough. “Anything else I can get you or your _friend_?” She drew out the word friend like she hoped it was the only thing the pair was to each other. 

“I’m good thanks,” Wren began, placing his utensils down neatly. “But, I’d like for you to get my _friend_ here a vanilla shake, please.” He winked at Spencer and she heard the waitress huff from somewhere above her. 

“Vanilla...shake…” She scribbled on her guest check pad and snapped her gum loudly. “Back in a jiff!”

“If I remember correctly, it was Hanna who despised vanilla, right? And you were the one who loved it?”

“Yeah,” Spencer replied with a hint of amusement. “How’d you remember that?”

He tapped the side of his head with a finger, gifting her with a cheesy grin. “Good memory. And I think I was over at your house the day you two almost got in a fight over which flavor was better.”

“Middle school drama,” she quipped, tracing her thumb over her knuckles. 

He chuckled softly, reaching over the table to take one of her hands gently. “I’ve missed you, you know.”

Spencer gave him a politely forced smile as their waitress came back over, seemingly dropping the milkshake onto the table. She snapped her hand back like it’d been seconds away from getting sprung in a mousetrap. “Enjoy,” she practically spat at Spencer. The waitress delivered a haughty look of disdain before she sauntered off, flicking her lethargic curls over her shoulder. 

“She seems nice,” Spencer remarked bitterly, her words dripping in a mocking tone. 

“She’s just jealous. As she should be. Not my type anyway.”

She felt him kick her playfully from underneath the table. Idly taking a sip from her thick shake, she avoided eye contact with him as much as possible. It was weird sitting in an almost vacant diner, in the middle of nowhere, with her sister’s ex fiancé, sipping a milkshake he’d bought her nonchalantly.

When she pulled back from the sweet drink, Wren was smirking at her smartly. “What?”

“You’ve just got a little….” He leaned forward and slowly thumbed away a bit of the lost stickiness the shake straw had left on the corner of her mouth.   
And just like that, it was déjà vu all over again. 

Her stomach twisted in a knot as she subtly pushed the milkshake away from her. She just wished there was some way she could forget about what happened with Aria. All of it. 

“You know,” Wren said, sweeping the cherished dessert happily to his side of the booth, “I can tie a knot in this cherry stem with my mouth.”

Suddenly an idea sparked in her head, extinguishing all persisting feelings screaming at her not to say the words that were about to come tumbling from her mouth. 

“Wanna get out of here?”

“Like out of Mickey’s and go somewhere else for food or something beca-”

“You know what I mean. You’re a doctor, aren’t you supposed to be smart?”

“Only when I’m in for a shift,” he joked. Spencer didn’t return his smile, gazing up at him from underneath her long lashes. She watched the lump in his throat bob as he swallowed thickly.

“There’s a motel a block away.”

\---

As soon as the door shut behind her, she was being pushed up against it, her head thudding off the back of it. She met his lips with hunger, as if he could suck the memory of Aria from her cluttered mind. Wren had already stripped her of his sweatshirt, carelessly casting it to the floor. 

“Do you greet all your old friends like this?” He asked in between each quick kiss. 

Wasting no time, Spencer backed him into the ratty bed frame. “Maybe,” she drawled, dragging a long finger across his collar bone. “If I’m in the mood. You just happen to be the first.” 

With a slight shove, Wren was falling back onto the bed and Spencer was draping herself over his wiry frame. She latched her fingers onto the back of his neck, toying with the small hairs that sprouted at the base. 

“I didn’t reckon you for a top,” he puffed as she nibbled on his earlobe.

“Well, I didn’t _reckon you_ for a bottom,” Spencer playfully growled against his ear mocking his accent. 

He groaned as she began to slowly gyrate her hips against his, creating a tantalizing friction. Wren caught her just below her midsection, dipping his hand underneath the hem of her blouse. His hands were cold against her bare stomach which only made Spencer shiver more than anticipated. 

“Wren,” she whispered, drawing him in closer, resting her forehead on his, already breathing heavily. He tilted his chin toward hers and quickly pressed his lips hard into the pair inches from his own. She let herself melt into him, his rough hands gliding up and down her lower back.

When his lips finally left Spencer’s, he began leaving hot trails of kisses across her jaw, nipping her sharply in the softer spots under her ear. Her jaw hung open in a silent gasp, her eyes closed as passion left its mark over her throat.

She grabbed a fistful of his dark curls, the soft hairs tickling the skin in between her fingers. The way his tongue traced over hers made her want every inch of cloth separating their bodies to dematerialize. 

Spencer’s fingers blindly wriggled the top button of Wren’s flannel free, hastily working her way down the line. With his bare chest exposed, he pulled back from her, shrugging his shirt off and tossing it to the floor. She raised her arms over her head and he took follow to strip her of her own top, tugging it over her shoulders and dropping it to join his on the ground.

Spencer was left in her lacey black bra, Wren’s hungry hands drawing nearer and nearer to it with every chaste kiss that landed on her opened mouth. 

And then he was toppling backwards, bringing her down with him, lips still connected. With every kiss, his hands explored a little bit lower on her back, stubby nails dragging shivers out from her. Spencer let her forearms rest on either side of him on the lumpy bed. Trying to get a bigger reaction out of him, Spencer slid slowly down his torso, leaving a succession of avid kisses down his chest. 

When she arched herself back up to his face, Wren’s ardent fingers had wrapped themselves in knots through Spencer’s hair, gently tugging her locks by the roots. Spencer tried to push out the nagging thoughts that had started to drift into her mind like ominous storm clouds. Every time Wren’s tongue would skate over her bottom lip, she could only imagine opening her eyes to see Aria kissing her back. Shaking her head slightly, she returned to his plush lips, working hers roughly into them. 

When Wren’s hands finally met the waistband of her pants, Spencer shouldered her way up into a sitting position, hips still grinding fervently on top of his. “God, Spencer,” he mumbled, tracing spirals just above the top of her leggings. “I must have been completely insane to think Melissa was the better of the two Hastings.”

“You’d be the first then,” Spencer grumbled, bending over and latching back onto his lips to shut him up. She wasn’t in the mood to discuss Melissa or rivalry or “ooey gooey feelings.” Actually, she wasn’t in the mood to talk at all.

Spencer snatched his wavering hands and placed them over her breasts, making haste to unhook her bra from behind. He massaged them over the silky fabric, cupping and squeezing them to her delight. While her hands were busy fumbling with the clasp at her back, Wren’s had drifted right back to her waistband. 

At the same moment Spencer had successfully freed herself of her nuisance of a bra, Wren’s hand had dipped threateningly low beneath her waistline. Her head dropped back, a breathy gasp escaping from between her swollen lips. Spencer was about to whisper his name again when her brain autocorrected it to Aria’s and she had to bite her lip in order to stop the word flow. 

“Everything okay?” Wren asked, pausing his dancing fingers above her slip of underwear and catching her darkened eyes.

“Y-yeah,” she replied, furrowing her eyebrows and taking in his features. The way his green eyes were shrouded by his blown pupils...nose crooked and taking up too much of his face...lips too firm yet too loose...unlike Aria’s…

Anger, humiliation and desperation all flooded her senses at once, causing her to pry herself from Wren, ripping her leggings off and stripping herself of yet another layer. But it was also stripping a layer of her self image. The Old Spencer Hastings would never do this. But then again, a little change could be good. 

Plopping back on top of his lap, Spencer allowed herself to let go, ecstasy swimming laps in the pit of her stomach. She reached an eager hand to the zipper of his jeans, feverishly yanking it down in one swift movement. 

That’s when he pulled her back down to his lips, thumbing orbits around her exposed breast, catching her moans between his teeth. She closed her eyes, savoring the taste his lips left on her own. It was sweet, almost like drinking a frappuccino. But then, she conceived, it was nowhere near as succulent as kissing Aria.  

Suddenly his lips were all wrong. They were trying too hard, too vigorously. His stubble was scratching up her face like a catpost and his nose kept smashing into hers making her wonder if she’d end up with a nosebleed. Then there was the fact that Wren’s mint and coffee musk was now making her head spin...and not in a good way. 

Spencer forcefully jerked her head back from his, panting and eyeing him warily. He studied her right back, matching her confused expression. “...Are you sure you’re okay?” She could hear the genuine concern laced in his accent and felt her stomach drop. _What the hell was she doing_?

“I can’t do this...I-I’m sorry,” Spencer scrambled to get off of his broiling lap, tepid tears brewing under her eyes. He snagged her wrist before she could fully clamber off the bed, stopping her in her tracks. 

“Was it Toby?”

She blinked away the tears that were begin to fall, gawking at him with turmoil clouding her vision as well. “What?”

“Who hurt you,” he stated flatly, still clutching her wrist and bending nearly in half to reach his discarded sweatshirt on the floor. Wren passed it over to Spencer who took it wordlessly and slipped it over her head. She crossed her arms over her chest, still feeling as though she were exposed. 

“No. But how did you-” 

“Medical student. I’m trained to recognize when something is wrong.”

That’s when the dams and floodgates beneath her eyes splintered and wild torrents of emotions splashed down her cheeks. “Whoever it was, he doesn’t know what he’s missing out on,” he wrapped his arms around her and she let him, feeling his hot breath tickle the top of her head as he pulled her in close. “You’re a lovely girl, Spencer. Super smart and passionate about what you do.” A sniffle.

“You’re beautiful,” Another sniffle.

“Talented.” A shuddering sob.

“And an amazing human being. Don’t let him get into your head and brainwash you into thinking you’re not.”

Spencer cried into the crook of his neck, trying not to think about what she’d been doing to it five minutes before, and he let her. Wren gingerly stroked her hair, whispering soothing words and running a soft hand up and down her back.

When she finally peeled away from him, she felt a little more at ease with her tonnage of emotional wreckage. A few sly tears cut rivers over her cheekbones but she’d cried so much already that she didn’t seem to feel them.

“I don’t know if this is going to come off as rude, but every time I look over at your crying face, it reminds me of that song, Cry Me A Lake by Justin Timberriver.”

Spencer chuckled through a sob, feeling her mouth spread into a grin for the first time in a while. “Do you mean ‘Cry Me A River’ by Justin Timberlake?” She eyed him dubiously, the smile waning on her face, wondering if he was joking or not.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I just wanted to see if I could get you to smile.” He ruffled her hair a bit and leapt up, stretching his fingertips toward the stained ceiling. 

A lighter smile tugged at her lips, making some of her guilt evaporate. “Thanks for...that,” she motioned with her hand, making light of her miniature meltdown. “Sorry I was such a tease.” 

Spencer plucked her leggings from the floor, pulling them up over her waist. Wren toppled back onto the bed, watching her over the top of his bare chest. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure I’ve got some Aveeno and tissues in my car….Oh, by the way, I was wondering...is your sister still single?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support guys! Hopefully I can continue to update regularly since college starts next week. I really appreciate all of the comments and such. They really make my day and encourage me to keep writing. I know this chapter really lacks Sparia but just you wait because boy, do I have some stuff in store for next chapter.


	8. honey buns And cheeseburger breAth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer visits Hanna in the hospital and then comes home for some well deserved sleep...or so she thinks....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all your support! LEAVE LOTS OF COMMENTS BECAUSE I REALLY ENJOY READING THEM! Also! I have officially started college so the update schedule might be a little wack. But I promise I won't quit writing until I get to the end of this riveting tale. KISSES! XOXO

After her little _Wren_ dezvous, Spencer decided she could probably use a healthier  distraction and drove to Rosewood Community Hospital. She kept the radio turned off, cutting out anything that would remind her of the hidden pain squeezing at her vulnerable heart.

The rain that had so menacingly poured down upon her hours before had lightened to a mild sprinkle. She found it relaxing to listen to the pitter patter of the droplets as they sloshed down her windshield. By the time she made it to the hospital, the rain had ceased completely, extracting her dispirited mood and replacing it with a fresh perception. Granted, she still felt like a drab raincloud, only her precipitation had come to a halt. For now.

Walking through the automatic sliding doors, Spencer was greeted with an air of hospice and the mingling scents of rubber and antiseptics. She crinkled her nose at the overwhelming smells and marched to the small window that held a pane of glass between her and the receptionist.

After getting all checked in, Spencer was told that the last any of the nurses had seen of Hanna was in the cafeteria. Easily spotting the blonde in the nearly desolate dining area, Spencer cautiously wandered into the space, anxiety and guilt once again tightening her stance and thrusting her posture back.

She neatly folded herself into the chair opposite of Hanna, the blonde hunched over half of a honey bun. “Oh, hey!” Hanna mumbled through a mouthful, distastefully wiping her sticky lips on the back of her hand. Spencer felt the gravity of her shame tugging her down as soon as she spotted her other arm encased in a purple cast that was fitted snuggly through a sling. There was also a jagged looking wound that cut across her left cheek.

Hanna noticed Spencer’s unsubtle stares and adjusted her left arm so that it tucked under her like a chicken’s wing. “It’s really not that bad. Just a commuted fracture.”

“Comminuted.”

“...Whatever...And a little bruising to my humus.”

“Humerus.”

“I know, dummy,” Hanna softly giggled, picking up a chunk of her honey bun. She popped it in her mouth before asking, “How come you didn’t come earlier with Aria? You should’ve seen her, Spence. She was a mess. I’ve got a feeling it’s got something to do with Ezra. Do you know anything about them?”

Spencer inhaled sharply, chewing the inside of her cheek. “Nope. I don’t know anything about them,” she lied, studying the curves of the pastry instead of the irises of Hanna’s eyes.

She watched intently as a piece of the bun was awkwardly ripped off one handed. “Well,” Hanna noted in between bites, “Whatever happened must have been something for the books. She came in with her makeup all messed up and acted like nothing happened, but Spence, I could just _feel_ the sadness radiating off of her.”

“That’s probably because you’ve been spending too much time in here. It’s easy to pick out the small details in people when you have nothing else to do.”

Hanna cocked her head, surveying Spencer with a long hard look. Spencer suddenly felt very self conscious as Hanna’s eyes swept over her appearance and features. “You’re right,” Hanna informed the brunette. “Oversized Oxford sweatshirt? Definitely not in your taste, Spence. And you kinda smell like...french fries and dryer sheets...Where were you before you came here? And with whom, may I ask?” Hanna drawled out the last sentence with a horribly mocking British accent.

Spencer fidgeted with her fingers underneath the table, thrumming them on the edge of her chair. “I-I was with Wren. We were catching up and stuff.”

“And stuff?” Hanna arched an eyebrow, a smirk flourishing over her paled lips. 

“So how much did that thing cost you?” Spencer asked, changing the subject and pointing a stiff finger at Hanna’s half eaten honey bun. 

“$9.99 but it was totally worth it. I’d say that it’s even better than sex.”

“Caleb must take offense to that,” Spencer commented dryly, pushing the sleeves of Wren’s sweatshirt up. It was becoming unbearably hot underneath but she couldn’t just take it off because she hadn’t exactly gotten properly dressed after her “little adventure”. 

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Hanna winked as Spencer rolled her eyes playfully with a half smirk. Knowing Hanna, she’d probably already spilled about the alluring honey buns and the magical impulses they contained. 

“So did I miss anything important at school today?” The blonde questioned, struggling to rip another bite from her pastry. Mind at bay, Spencer stared vacantly ahead until Hanna became so desperate that she began to saw at the honey bun with one of the cafeteria’s plastic knives. The slip of plastic that it was on acted as a friction hungry maneuver, sliding back and forth across the small table. 

“Not much,” Spencer finally spoke, snapping away from her mindless thoughts. She reached a hand over to steady the plastic wrapper as Hanna continued to cut off pieces of her snack. “Just Fitz being snappy and a chem worksheet.”

“That’s way out of character for him,” Hanna noted. “Just the thought of Fitz getting pissy is so...weird. Do you think it has something to do with Aria? I mean they’ve both been acting really strange lately.”

_It could have something to do with Aria….Or it could have something to do with_ me. 

Spencer dug her right thumbnail into the top of her left thumb, gently slicing up and down in rhythmic movements. “I don’t know...I haven’t really talked to Aria in a while…”  
“Huh. I would’ve asked her about it when she was here earlier but I didn’t think it was a good time.”

Spencer nodded her head dismissively wishing to hell that Hanna would drop all Ezria conversation for good. It seemed as though luck would have it when some sort of spark mischievously lit up Hanna’s eyes. “So remember how I was telling you about all the weirdos who float around down here?”

“You mean the medically impaired?”

Hanna stuck her chin out defensively. “Well, they’re obviously getting treated somehow so at least some day they’ll be better. Don’t put this on my conscience. Guilt makes me bloated.”

Raising an eyebrow and wondering where this conversation was going, Spencer attempted to provide a huff of laughter to mask the guilt she didn’t want shining through.   
“Well, anyway, there’s Wolverine at 3 o’clock.”

Subtly glancing to the side, Spencer immediately spotted a gruff looking young man sprouting bushels of dark coarse facial hair. She had to admit, he did sort of look like Hugh Jackman. 

“Too bad he doesn’t have Wolverine’s healing powers.”

“You are such a damn nerd, Spence,” Hanna grinned. “But if he had those healing powers we never would have gotten the chance to see and tease him.”

Spencer took another deviant look at the man. His round blue eyes looked sad and his posture was slouched as though he’d been forced to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. Feeling as though they’d picked on him enough, the brunette let her eyes wander the nearly empty cafeteria for any more victims of lighthearted taunting.  

Spencer jerked her head softly and pointed with her eyes. “What about that girl over there?” 

The pair slyly swiveled in their seats to watch as a chubby girl with close cropped black hair and thick glasses wove through the cluster of tables. She briefly paused at the open drink refrigerator display, combed through her bangs with a swish of her fingers, and selected a bright green bottle of Sprite. 

“If Tina Belcher were a real life character, that’s exactly what she would look like,” Spencer declared, proud of her discovery. Hanna giggled, nodding her head furiously. “You’re so right. Maybe we should invest in buying a yellow hair clip and give it to her. Or some journals for erotic friend fiction...I feel like we’d all be good friends.”

Spencer smiled at the thought of obtaining a new friend but quickly dismissed the idea. One new friend equaled one more attack from A. And lately, that equation had proven its truth and worth very harshly to the brunette. 

“I’m gonna go ask if she wants to join us,” Hanna suddenly decided, already pushing her chair back. “Hanna wait-” Spencer tried to stop the blonde in her tracks but didn’t dare touch her freshly casted arm. By the time Spencer had untangled her limbs from beneath the table, Hanna was already halfway to the dark haired girl. 

Spencer sat stunned at Hanna’s sudden burst of rationality. Never in a million years would she ever expect Hanna to act so nonchalant and friendly towards a complete stranger. Usually she was all for fun and games and timely light mocking but the blonde never handed her trust out that easily. 

She scoped out the scene, Hanna’s cheeks puffed in a warm smile, the mystery girl’s head bowed with a small smile of her own. They dawdled over where the warm pastries were being freshly displayed. Spencer watched them curiously for a few more moments before fishing into the sweatshirt’s pocket for her phone.

She ducked her head down, scrolling through many of the notifications that had popped up. Most of them were just BuzzFeed articles and breaking news notices along with a sparse Netflix notification which had alerted her that season 4 of Blacklist was now available to stream. 

Just as she was about to lock her phone, Spencer noticed a small red circle with the number 2 in it plastered above her messages icon. Perplexed, she softly tapped to open the app.   
Her heart caught in her throat and a cold chill surged over the length of her entire body. Both texts had been sent only minutes apart. One was from Aria and the other was from a unknown number...one that Spencer immediately recognized. 

Before she even opened her chilling A text, she tapped on Aria’s.

_Hey Spence. I know you might not want to right now...but can we talk?_

Ignore.

Spencer didn’t bother typing any reply back. It was only a matter of time before she would have to inevitably face Aria again, but she couldn’t do it just yet. Her shorter brunette pal had ripped the bandage over her heart clean off. 

Wishing to avoid the growing anxiety in the pit of her stomach, Spencer finally clicked to open the text message from A.

_Extra credit time! She broke your heart, now it’s time to break hers. I heard Vice Principal Hackett loves to see student’s visual artwork. Kisses! -A_

Underneath the text message was a picture of Aria and Ezra cozied up to each other. Aria had her eyes shut and a large smile smeared across her face as Ezra dotted her cheek in mid kiss. Everything about the image made Spencer’s insides churn with jealousy. She didn’t even care that A was threatening her again. She just cared for what she knew she could never have. 

As much as she would love to see Ezra being dragged from spewing some boring lecture and down the halls of the high school with handcuffs and police officers trailing him, she knew she could never do that to Aria. It would tear her to bits and she’d never forgive Spencer for it. 

If there was an ultimate price to pay for not bowing down to A and kissing their feet, she’d just have to sacrifice herself and pay it on her own. Before she could reply to the A text however, two pairs of feet came scuttling over, Hanna and “Tina” taking seats at her table. Spencer quickly shoved her phone back in the safety of Wren’s oversized sweatshirt. 

“Spence, this is Emery. Emery, Spencer,” Hanna introduced enthusiastically. Emery smiled kindly at Spencer, reaching a hand towards her. “Nice to meet you, Spencer.” Her nails were painted a pastel pink and shimmered with a glittery dusting. 

Extending her own hand, Spencer shook the girl’s with little enthusiasm. “Thanks, you too.” Maybe the girl would get the hint that she had no intention of becoming friends and leave. It wasn’t like Spencer was being rude. She was just protecting a girl she hardly knew from dangers Emery would never be able to comprehend. 

“So Hanna tells me you’re super smart and a huge bookworm.” Emery pushed her slipping glasses up the bridge of her nose, meeting Spencer’s intense gaze with a softer version of her own. “And very anal,” Hanna added quickly earning an eye roll from the brunette. 

“Good qualities to have,” Emery chuckled, uncapping her Sprite. She took a quick sip and tapped the cap lightly on the table. “I’m also a huge fan of books. My whole family is, really. Except my dad. He never really liked taking the time to get lost in the world of words.”

Barely paying attention or following any of what their new company had just said, Spencer could only nod politely, hoping that her gesture made sense in her part of the conversation. 

“Sometimes I think maybe he hasn’t found the right book yet, but I don’t know. I’m actually working on my own novel right now, so I hope he reads it when I’m finished. It’d mean a lot for a man who hates reading to read my work. Then he won’t have anything to judge or compare it to, so it’d look super professional.” Another swig of sprite.

“But then sometimes I think, _do I really want the first real book he reads in how many years to be mine?_ I mean, it’s more of a personal story with fiction sprinkled in. Kind of like my own fanfiction. I can let you guys read it when I’m done too...If you want...Sorry, I think I’m babbling. That happens when I meet new people. It’s just that I’m so excited for the opportunity to make new friends and learn more about people, you know?”

“Oh, you don’t have to apologize. I like meeting new people too,” Hanna placed her working arm lightly on the girl’s shoulder. “Spencer just hates everyone.”

“I don’t hate _everyone_ ,” Spencer chided defensively. “It just takes me a couple of minutes to determine if you’re competition or friend worthy.” She watched as Hanna and Emery both eyed her skeptically. “I just sounded like a complete ass, didn’t I?”

“Sort of. But just know I can be an ass sometimes too. Actually we all can. And that’s perfectly dandy to me. Truth hurts sometimes.” Emery took another sip of her Sprite, her brows furrowed as if her sentence had triggered a particular memory. 

Spencer bit her bottom lip as the dark haired girl’s words wrapped around her mind. “Tell me about it,” she muttered ironically. 

“Sorry if this sounds rude, you don’t have to answer, but what’s your personal book about?” Hanna blurted curiously. Spencer shifted her gaze down to the Sprite cap which began to tap more fervently against the table. 

“It’s not rude at all. It’s actually part of the reason I’m here right now. See I was born as Emmett and now I’m transitioning into Emery. Like metamorphosis. You know...dull caterpillar into amazing butterfly? That’s how I like to see it. My parents _finally_ agreed to an operation. It’s actually scheduled for tomorrow so I’m pretty nervous. I’m staying over tonight to prepare but…” Emery trailed off, her eyes drooping.

“My uncle gave me a really hard time about it. Where my parents were all for me being happy as myself, he told me, and I quote, ‘You’re supposed to man up instead of man down because you’ll never be a real woman. You’ll always be seen as a disgusting freak in my eyes.’”

“No offense, but your uncle’s a douchebag,” Hanna grimaced, polishing off the last of her honey bun. “Don’t listen to him. He probably just wishes he could be as special and amazing as you.”

Spencer smiled softly at Hanna’s kind words. Maybe being in the hospital for one night had really impacted the blonde’s character development. That was the one thing Spencer could uncheck from her list of things to be guilty about. By the end of the week, the list would probably be as tall as she was. 

“I think you’re a very strong woman,” Spencer offered genuinely. “We need more people like you in this world.”

“Awww, shucks, you guys are making me blush.”

Emery ducked her head and readjusted her glasses. She was beaming and it made Spencer appreciate the good in the world a little more. Suddenly her sweatshirt began to vibrate and Spencer realized with a sickening jolt that her phone was going off...which made the memory of the earlier text pop up with fresh vengeance. 

Without even pulling the phone from her slip of clothing to check who was trying to contact her, she abruptly stood up, delicately pushing in her chair. “I hate to check out of here so quickly,” Spencer said basically hopping from foot to foot, “But I just remembered that we have a chem test tomorrow that I should really be studying for.”

Hanna sat back in her chair and waved Spencer off with her good hand. “Thanks for letting me know about that, Spence.”

“Like you were gonna study anyway,” Spencer retorted playfully. The blonde opened her mouth as if to argue but quickly shut it knowing Spencer had hit the nail on the head.   
Spencer turned to Emery who still sat cheerfully in her seat. “Again, it was nice meeting you. Let us know how things go. I’m sure Hanna can give you our numbers, right Han?” 

Hanna nodded and held an open palm to Emery. “Phone.”

Emery happily obliged and dropped her tiny black phone into Hanna’s outstretched hand. “Cya, Spencer, you cool cat.”

Chuckling, Spencer waved a goodbye to the pair and shuffled out of the cafeteria and through the sliding doors. Outside it was pitch black with a few sprinkles of stars littering the atmosphere. 

She marched toward her car, pulling her phone from her pocket and distractedly swiped through her notifications. Email, email, BuzzFeed, email, missed call from Aria, Facebook, email...wait.

Spencer stopped in her tracks, swiping back up to her missed call. Her thumb hovered over the notification, bottom lip caught in between her teeth. She couldn’t call her back. She couldn’t hear her voice just yet. Spencer knew that if she even so much as heard Aria breathe she’d probably fall back into her own pit of despair. 

Painstakingly locking her phone, she pulled open her car door, the pinging alert sounds doing little to soothe her rushing onset of anxiety. Spencer slid into her seat and quickly buckled up. She just wanted to get home and sleep. If she could. It’d been forever since she had actual real sleep.

Out of habit, she glanced over to the passenger’s side, her breath catching in her throat when she noticed the manila envelope buckled into the seat. Her name was scrawled in messy, scribbly handwriting. 

Shakily reaching a hand over, Spencer unclasped the metal and opened the envelope. There were a few papers but the one that caught her attention first was one that had scratchy red writing. 

_Just in case Hackett’s not a fan of smartphones…..XOXO -A_

She didn’t even have to look in the file to know that it was chock full of Aria and Ezra prints. Spencer quickly snatched up the envelope and stuffed it under the passenger seat, glancing around nervously. Hadn’t A ruined her life enough already?

Spencer took a deep breath, holding the air inside until her lungs screamed for it to be released. Everything would be okay. For now, she’d just go home, go to sleep, and deal with everything in the morning. 

It’d be okay.

\---

No one was home by the time Spencer fell sleepily through her front door. She plodded sluggishly up the stairs, throwing her door closed behind her as she stepped into her quiet bedroom. 

 Itching to get out of Wren’s clothing, Spencer sheepishly dived beneath the fabric, tossing the bundle of sweatshirt over her head. It landed with a soft plop on her bedroom carpet and she kicked it under her bed. No need to have a constant reminder of a loss cause glaring up at her every waking second. 

She quickly shuffled into a bra and a denim button up, working her fingers down and pushing buttons through. She had to do it three times over because she kept mistakenly putting the buttons through the wrong holes.

When she was satisfied or at least half convinced she looked okay, she nestled into the crook of her freshly made bed. As the plushy comforter caved around her, she realized that bed was probably her one true love that would never hurt her. Beds didn’t go around getting drunk and making out with people who had potential crushes on them. Beds didn’t illegally date teachers. Beds didn’t reject you or your feelings, causing you to almost have sex with your sister’s ex…

Her stomach twisted as the past events of the week swirled around in her head like a tornado. She almost felt as though she were spinning in one of the teacups from Disney World. Going around and around and around and feeling the ultimate nausea wash over her entire body until she just couldn’t take it anymore. 

That’s when her eyes finally stopped reeling and she caught her breath with a dizzying shudder. When everything came into focus again, she was staring dangerously at the jewelry box which she had moved to her desk. 

_Just one more._

Moving quickly so her guilt wouldn’t have time to catch up, Spencer snatched up her nearly empty orange bottle. Seemingly having a different mind of its own, an unfathomable sense of twisted delight surged through her body as the cap was unscrewed.

A small pill landed softly on her tongue and a gush of water washed it down, sending it on an unhealthy mission. She grimaced as the bitterness seeped into her tastebuds for a second.

Flopping back onto her bed, Spencer tossed her phone to the side, shutting her eyes, and trying to block out the plethora of nagging thoughts attempting to pick her brain apart.   
She thought everything would turn out okay. But one glance at Aria’s face or even just hearing a song they used to belt out lyrics to during karaoke sessions in one of their basements made her stomach drop.

Friends weren’t supposed to makes each other’s hearts leap. Friends were supposed to have each other’s backs and rub those backs after a sore breakup.

She just wanted to know exactly what Ezra had that she didn’t. Scratchy chin stubble? Greasy floppy bangs? An apartment? A degree in English? A dick? _Aria?_

A sigh slipped out between her heavily chapped lips, spiraling up toward her ceiling like a lost soul. It surprised her, really, that zero tears braved enough courage to show themselves now. It was like her body was too fatigued to even produce them anymore. She felt numb.

Spencer turned on her side, her pillow suddenly lumpy and too hard underneath her head. Her heart thudded dully inside her chest, eyes unfocused as she tried to refrain from thinking anymore about Aria. It was just bound to slip her into a deeper state of self loath and despondency.

And then the air began to swim with the lyrics of Milkshake by Kelis and Spencer was snapping out of her trance in a panicked and startled confusion. She didn’t dare check her phone, too anxious to know who’d be calling. Aria had jumped to the first of her thoughts since she’d called before and they hadn’t spoken since Spencer had left her in the car, rain soaking her to her underwear.

It could be Hanna, letting her know that Emery now had her number or giving her yet another explanation on how good the honey buns were. It could Emily, ready to talk about what happened between her and Paige. It could be Melissa, but they hadn’t really spoken to each other since their little falling out. Spencer finally flipped her phone over, stomach sinking as she took in the person staring up at her with a goofy expression from the screen.

Aria.

Again.

It must be a mistake. She probably butt dialed her or something. An accident. She pushed the little red ignore call button and went back to staring at the ceiling, ignoring the fluttery feeling prying at her chest.

Not even 10 seconds had passed before the jingle began to go off again, the silent void of her room filling with the lyrics _“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they’re like it’s better than yours”_. Aria again? Damn right. 

Spencer let the phone ring beside her, switching positions to lay flat on her back. She dramatically draped an arm over her eyes, squeezing them shut and trying not to give in and answer her phone. It was tough knowing that somewhere out there in Rosewood, Aria had her cellphone pressed to her ear, waiting for Spencer to tap and accept the call through.

Only when the phone finally ceased its now annoying ringtone did Spencer dare move her arm higher and open her eyes. She traced the jagged twists of the ceiling cracks with her eyes, letting the silence reign supreme in her ears once again. 

Spencer knew she couldn’t avoid Aria forever, but in this moment, with her in control of whether she accepted or ignored the call, she felt a trickle of spite and humiliation swim their way through her veins. It was completely degrading thinking about how stupid she must have looked, pouring her hidden secrets and feelings out for her best friend, who, already had a “significant other”. 

A sudden vibration trembled across her mattress, Kelis once again belting out lyrics to her iconic pop song. Frustrated, Spencer snatched the phone from her bed, switched it to silent and placed it face down a little too forcefully on her desk. 

Puffing out a hearty sigh, she returned to her brooding, once again snuggling deep into her comforter. Now she partly understood the term for the hefty blanket. It was a miracle worker for comforting her; settling her into a luxuriously cozy lull. Spencer nuzzled her face against the cool pillows, tucked her arms underneath her, and closed her eyes.

Stretching into her dreams, Spencer was met with a chilly tug of night air winding its way around her body. Shivering, she gazed around at her surroundings trying to register where she was exactly. Thick darkened trees loomed above her and their limbs danced around as if they were being puppeted by an invisible master. 

“S-Spencer...didn’t think you’d still be up.”

Whipping around, Spencer stood face to face with the rare blonde, a troubled look plastered on her face. She also recognized that they were both standing in her backyard, a little ways off from her family’s barn. It was tucked into the darkness, probably housing her three other friends. 

This was a night that she would never be able to forget...or remember it would seem. It was the night Alison had disappeared.  

But there she stood, clad in her ruffled yellow top and candy pink lip gloss. It was as if she had stepped right out from her seventh grade yearbook picture and clambered through Spencer’s mind to her final resting place. 

Now as she stood facing the suspicious blonde, Spencer felt as though her jaw had been locked, her mouth zipped, and the key thrown far from existence. Scrutinizing Alison was like watching one of those horrifying spider videos on YouTube where a clump of seemingless fuzz would scatter out into millions of chilling spiders. It just made her skin crawl.

“I just had to run and get something from my house,” Alison declared, unbothered by Spencer’s harsh stare. The blonde pulled at the hem of her shirt, smoothing down some of the ruffles that had fluttered up the wrong way. 

“You’re supposed to be dead,” Spencer whispered emptily, sending Alison into a huff of short laughter. “It’s called immortality, my darling,” the blonde winked, spinning on her heel and strutting toward the barn. “Look it up.”

Suddenly a murky shadow streaked across the Hasting’s backyard and in the corner of Spencer’s field of vision. Before she could even open her mouth to shout Alison’s name, the blonde was being tackled to the ground, a black hooded figure straddling her violently. 

Making an effort to move, it was as if her feet and ratty tennis shoes had suddenly become melded with the earth she stood on. Spencer lurched forward but only her upper body moved. Her feet were as stiff as stone and planted firmly on the ground. 

“Alison!” She screamed, or so she thought she screamed. The ragged cry only came out as a hoarse whisper. It was almost like her voice had catalogued every different type of vocal intensity in the wrong place. Maybe if she tried whispering she’d be able to yell. 

Spencer could only watch helplessly as Alison forcefully jerked around, her legs flailing and her arms swinging. But her attacker seemed to be all deadweight, trapping the blonde and immobilizing her completely. She could only turn her head at an awkward angle, her lips brushing the dusty patch of earth the left side of her face was smashed upon.

“Spencer,” she desperately whispered, her eyes soaking with tears. Frozen on the outside, Spencer’s insides were working furiously, rattling against her ribcage like a convict in jail running a cup along cell bars. 

A black hooded A raised what appeared to be a rock high above their head, Alison’s throaty cries becoming louder and more panicked. “N-no! Please! I’m sorry for everything I put you through!”

Spencer squeezed her eyes shut as soon as she saw the descent of the stone in A’s hand. There was a deafening crack, followed by Alison’s vehement screeches. Mercilessly slamming against her chest, Spencer’s heart delivered what sounded like the roar of a waterfall directly to her ear drums. 

She didn’t need to open her eyes to know that the vicious beating was still going strong. The soft thuds had mutated into thundering pounds, Alison’s screams disintegrating into weak whimpers. As time slowly ticked by, the thumps again morphed, this time into what seemed to be knocking. 

_Knock._

_Knock._

_Knock._

Suddenly, Spencer was transported and kicked from her dream, the insistent knocking prying her eyes open into the real world. When she registered that she was in bed, safe from the monstrosity and terrorism from her dream, she breathed a shaky sigh of relief. That is until the thumping started up again, this time from below her, presumably her back door.

Spencer was more annoyed than anxious at this point, more so over the fact that she had been asleep for once. Beautiful, real sleep. And someone had so rudely interrupted it, tearing down the walls she had built up around herself in her dream world. Even if they were part of a horrendous and murder-filled nightmare starring Alison, she had finally felt at peace for once. Or felt as much at peace as one could feel when their supposedly dead friend was being stoned to death in front of them.

Annoyance lacing her every step, Spencer plodded down the stairs, eyebrows already furrowed. Whoever the hell was at her door at…...10:17 PM…..had better have an emergency or a good enough excuse as to why they came beating at her home like their fist was a hammer and the door was the nail so late at night. 

Irritated, she threw open the door in a huff of exasperation.

If hearts had cords like a bungee jump, Spencer’s would have leapt up and out of her throat. For now, it only hammered relentlessly, echoing in her eardrums and humming a rushing beat. 

Aria stood on the opposite side of the door frame, a pink Lucky Leon’s box tucked under her arm and a small smile plastered on her face. “I tried calling you,” she greeted.

“I know,” Spencer said lamely, half hanging out of the door. They both stood there awkwardly; Spencer shuffling her feet and Aria switching the box between her hands. 

“Look, Spence, can we talk?”

Without a word, Spencer took a step back into her house, opening the door a tad wider for Aria to squeeze through. When she did, the shorter brunette dropped the box on the counter, motioning for Spencer to join her. “I got your favorites,” Aria beamed, ripping the box open. “Vanilla cupcakes with vanilla frosting.”

Spencer snorted when she saw the cakes. The frosting was swirled so perfectly that it came to a superb point at the top, rainbow sprinkles littering the iced space. Of course Aria had chosen the complete opposite of the cake they’d both enjoyed at Mona’s. Classic Aria to avoid the obvious. 

“I’m not really in the mood to talk,” Spencer replied emptily. She slowly closed the lid of the bakery box, her back now facing Aria. 

“We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to,” Aria piped in, moving around the island for a better chance to hold Spencer’s gaze. The taller brunette kept her eyes glued to the box of pastries. It was the same color as Emery’s nails. 

Silence.

“We could...watch a movie? I know how much you love a good scary movie. I’ll even watch it with you.”

“Oh please, you can’t even watch an episode of Courage the Cowardly Dog without peeing your pants,” Spencer finally spoke. 

A small grin began to spread across Aria’s ruby red lips. “See, now there’s the Spencer I know.”

“But it’s not,” Spencer argued, pulling away from the island and padding over to the couch. Aria followed in suit, keeping a spacious distance between herself and the taller brunette. “You don’t know me at all.”

“Of course I know you.” Aria plopped down on the couch facing Spencer. “You’re Spencer Jill Hastings, daughter of Peter and Veronica Hast-”

“Biographical facts,” Spencer mused dryly. “Those are obvious. I’m talking deeper. But I really don’t want to have this conversation right now, especially since you just broke my heart a few hours ago.” She crossed her arms tightly, her hand squeezing hard on her upper arm, nails digging softly into her skin. “So could you please just leave me alone?”

Silence filled the expansive room, almost driving Spencer to insanity. She was focused so hard on not looking at Aria that her retinas were beginning to burn, begging to be replenished with a blink. Out of the corner of her eye, it didn’t seem that Aria had budged to fulfill her request. 

“I know you take your coffee black,” Aria said, her words cutting the silent air like a sharp knife. “And you think sugary cereal is way overrated and bad for your health but it’s secretly your favorite.”

“So you know what I like for breakfast. So does everyone els-”

“I know that you get heartburn from the weirdest things so I started carrying a little bottle of Tums with me at all times.”

“Wait, you do? That’s-”

“I know you got this,” Aria gently pushed Spencer's hair back to press two light fingers to the cleft on her forehead at the edge of her hairline. “When you were six and you raced against Melissa on your bike.”

“Pretty sure I’ve told you that story like a thousand times-”

“I know that you fill your cup up water first, then ice. And that your hands are always freezing, even when it’s like 80 degrees out...I know that you stutter when you’re nervous. And I know you had a cat when you were little named Hermione.”

Spencer slowly began relax under Aria’s soft eyes and felt her insides begin to unravel. She didn’t know what angle the smaller girl was playing at, but whatever it was, it was bound to leave Spencer as an emotional disaster. 

“I know that you have a huge obsession with Drake, even if you won’t admit it.”

“Hey, some of his songs are pretty good-”

“I know that you still dress up for Halloween every year, even though your mom always yells at you, because you love getting candy corn. And I know you once dressed up as Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec.”

That made Spencer chuckle. She could remember just how much her upper lip had itched that entire October night. She had a rash for almost a week.

“I know that you unintentionally kill every plant that you own. And that you think vinyl records are cool. And you tell everyone that you absolutely despise The Princess Bride but I know you have it on DVD.”

“Inconceivable,” Spencer muttered, snagging Aria’s gaze. The shorter brunette paused her commentary, a sappy grin dancing over her face. She inched forward and rested a hesitant hand on Spencer’s thigh. Out of habit, the taller brunette stiffened but then slowly relaxed as Aria’s warm touch melted away her growing anxiety.

“I know that fluttery feeling you get in your chest when you’re around me...because I get it too…”

Spencer swallowed thickly, her heart slamming against her chest so hard that she was afraid she’d have to rush back to the hospital. That’s when her limbs began to shake and little sprigs of tears made their showcase in the corners of her eyes. Maybe Aria hadn’t even meant it that way.

“What?” Spencer asked, more so to hear the brunette say it over again. 

This time Aria took Spencer’s hands in her own, smirking at the direct contact. “See, I told you your hands were always so damn cold.”

She rubbed her thumbs in quick orbital movements over the back of Spencer’s hands. Spencer didn’t even need the gesture for her entire body to heat up immensely. Immediately following her light quip to the taller brunette, Aria whispered, “I can’t...I can’t fight this anymore. God, Spence, it’s like you’re some kind of drug. And I need you.”

Aria tugged Spencer’s hands a tad closer to her, scooching all the way forward until their knees bumped. Spencer marveled at the way the smaller brunette’s eyes were now twinkling like a firecracker had been set off behind them. 

“What about Ezra?” Spencer whimpered, turning her face so that Aria wouldn’t see the flow of tears now spilling down her reddened face. 

“Hey,” Aria cooed softly, cupping Spencer’s cheek and bringing it up to face her. She thumbed away some of her tears, more so spreading them in a watery haze. “After you left me in the car...that’s exactly when I knew. _I knew that you were my home._ Never in a million years had Ezra ever made me feel the way you do with just a moment of your time. I’ve actually...had these feelings for a while now...I just thought that they were ‘I really really appreciate you for being such a great friend and I really admire you for that’ feelings. But they never went away. No matter how hard I wanted them to. They just didn’t.”

The only light source in the Hasting’s living area was a small, skinny lamp resting on a ledge beside the entrance. It cast soft glowing shadows over the two girls.

“So after you told me, I went back inside and broke everything off with Ezra. It was horrible, Spence. The way he talked back to me like I was never someone who he loved...I don’t even know where we stand anymore…”

There was a brief pause before Aria spoke again, this time quieter than before. 

“But I really don’t want to talk about Ezra right now,” Aria breathed, bringing her face closer to Spencer’s. “I just want to be here. With you.”

And that’s when, of all emotions to express at the moment, Spencer started laughing. She brought her face back, waving a hand furiously in front of her. Confused and a bit hurt, Aria cocked her head at the brunette who was now doubled over in a fit of giggles. “What?”

“Did you eat a cheeseburger for dinner?” Spencer snorted through a thick cloud of laughter. “I can smell the onions.”

Now it was Aria’s turn to giggle. She immediately covered her mouth with her hand. “Actually I did. That’s a real talent you’ve got there, Spence.”

Aria turned to her side, plunging a hand into her purse. She brought out a small container of mints and popped a couple in her mouth. Spencer waited patiently, her cheeks beginning to ache from laughing too much. Occasionally Aria would glance over and the pair would fall right back into a pit of laughter with no way of escaping. 

“Better?” Aria asked, blowing a cool stream of minty fresh breath at Spencer once the strong candies had melted. “Better,” the taller brunette snickered. Unable to take the building anticipation anymore, Spencer slid back towards Aria, reaching a nervous hand up to her cheek.

“You are a dork, Spencer Hastings,” Aria smiled dreamily as she too cupped Spencer’s warm cheeks. “Yeah, but I’m your dork.”

Spencer observed sappily how the lamp light seemed to color Aria’s eyes into a muddy green. She quickly dropped her gaze down to the brunette’s lips, wasting no time in capturing them in her own. 

Kissing Aria was alternatively the opposite of kissing Wren, or Toby, or Ian. Kissing Aria was like dancing on an iceberg that had caught fire. It was unnatural but the result was oh so magical. She didn’t want to part, fearing that the past would repeat itself and Aria would throw her off with a wild card again. 

But when Aria pulled away, it was only to softly stroke Spencer’s cheek. “You’re so beautiful,” she whispered, tucking a loose strand of Spencer’s ruffled hair behind her ear. Spencer smiled lightly, earning the desired outcome of the infamous Aria nose scrunch. 

“You know you kill me every time when you scrunch up your face like that,” Spencer swooned, wrapping a warm palm behind Aria’s back and drawing her in closer. 

Feeling a bit bolder because of the reality of the moment, Spencer shuffled her body until she was flat on her back, head against the arm rest. In one swift move, she was tugging Aria down with her, heat flaring steadily and spreading throughout her entire body. Within seconds, their kisses became less shy and more passionate. 

Spencer felt like she was wrapped in a thick wool blanket that had been shoved into an oven in the tropics. Aria seemed to realize this too because as each kiss increased with passion, her fingers danced a little more dangerously down Spencer’s collarbone.

Finding that she couldn’t take much more of the heat and tease, Spencer reluctantly pulled away, fumbling to unbutton her shirt. 

“The one time you wear a damn button up,” Aria simpered, failing miserably to help out. The smaller brunette straddled Spencer, hands working furiously to undo the buttons. But no matter how hard she tried, the buttons wouldn’t budge through the fabric holes. 

Spencer on the other hand could not even grasp the tiny buttons. Her hands were a sweaty mess and kept sliding off of them. Grumbling, she tried time after time but to no avail. Defeated, she threw her arms down limp, pouting out her lip at a hovering Aria. 

“We’re a mess tonight,” Aria giggled, finally plucking the top button from its hold. And then the second. And the third. 

Back on her streak, and now without her button up on, Spencer cradled the shorter girl’s face in her hands, pulling her back down and planting powerful kisses on her nearly swollen lips. She glided down to nip the spot beneath her jaw where she’d always imagined it’d give her the most pleasure. Like the miracle worker she was, Spencer had caused Aria to jerk her head to the side, allowing a wider access for Spencer’s roaming lips. 

The taller brunette left a sparking trail of avid kisses, pausing to nibble at a softer part of skin at the base of Aria’s throat. Groaning softly, Aria took Spencer’s hand in hers, tangling their fingers and squeezing gently.

Spencer squeezed back equally soft, realizing that in this moment, on this day, she knew exactly what the definition of love was, and not the dictionary’s version. 

Love was coming home. And home was a beautiful place.


	9. A is for 'Are you sure?'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CRAZY FUCKIN SHIT GOES DOWN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter after this one guys....prepare to have your minds blown. xoxo -C

Waking up in Aria’s arms was ten times better than getting an A+ on an essay she’d worked hard on. It was a thousand times better than proving Melissa wrong in an argument. And it was a million times better than winning her field hockey championship with the winning goal. 

Being snug against Aria’s frame, her thick wavy hair smelling of fruits and shampoo, was, to Spencer, the ultimate feeling of relaxation. The smaller brunette’s head was on her chest, a hand tucked between her own thighs, and the other still nestled in Spencer’s. 

They must have fallen asleep in each other’s company. Post makeout sessions always left Spencer horribly tired. She yawned widely, shifting her arm slightly to stretch. She tried not to disturb the precious sleeping human in her arms, but as soon as her yawn had concluded, Aria’s eyelids fluttered open.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Spencer mumbled happily. Aria returned a smile and squeezed the hand in hers. Brushing the tip of her nose against the taller brunette’s cheek, Aria left a ghost of a quick kiss, causing Spencer’s insides to flip.

She still couldn’t believe it. The girl of her dreams was nestled up against her, giving _her_ morning cheek kisses. Swooning, Spencer used her free hand to tuck a bedraggled strand of dark hair behind her smaller friend’s ear. Her hand hovered above her cheek before coming in contact, the warmth from Aria’s face seeping into Spencer’s palm.

To simply hold Aria was enough to make Spencer’s entire day golden. She was real. Right here in Spencer’s living room. Offering up affections like it was her job. 

Spencer felt the pull of skin underneath her hand and realized that Aria’s smile had spread into a wide grin. 

“What?” Spencer asked, her lips trembling in an attempt to hide a smile of her own. Aria narrowed her eyes, bunching up the skin just above her nose. Spencer’s smile broke free at the sight which made the smaller girl giggle, “I’m just...really happy. _You_ make me really happy.”

That sent Spencer’s heart off on a marathon. She rubbed her thumb softly across the back of Aria’s hand. “You also make me very happy, Shortstack.”

“Hey, I told you not to call me that,” Aria playfully growled, twisting her body so that she could look at Spencer’s face fully. “Spencie.”

Spencer’s hand suddenly fell limp from Aria’s cheek, the color completely draining from her face. “W-what did you just call me?”

Aria remained completely calm, eyebrows beginning to furrow at Spencer’s reaction. “Spence.”

No. No, no, no, no, no. She most definitely did NOT call her Spence. And now she was lying about that. Only one other person had ever dared call her by that name. Was Aria…..? No. She couldn’t be. It was impossible. It was-

“Hey, you okay?”

Spencer broke free of her calculating thoughts and realized that she had been staring at Aria with shockingly widened eyes. “Y-yeah, I’m fine.”

Even coming from Aria, Spencer couldn’t stand the ever present question of asking if she was ‘okay’. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt okay. Maybe before she met the girls. Maybe back when she was a kid. Maybe never.

But now, she was so far from okay that a bad day seemed like a ray of sunshine compared to a completely horrible day. And she was beginning to think that today would be one of those horrible days.

She needed out. Right now. It would have been different if Aria had replied and said ‘Spencie’ again after Spencer had asked what she’d said. But she didn’t. And that’s what threw Spencer off the most. That Aria was in fact lying, and hiding something from the girl she had so intimately spent the night with. 

Then again, maybe Spencer had mistaken the ‘Spence’ that Aria had claimed to say for ‘Spencie’. It _was_ very early in the morning. Maybe her ears had been clogged with sleepiness and her mindset had been fogged over with grogginess. 

Whatever scenario, she needed to get away from Aria. Now.

Spencer shifted her body weight, releasing the now sweaty grip she had on Aria’s hand. As she began to untangle herself from the smaller brunette, Aria was suddenly aware that things were indeed not ‘okay’.

“Where are you going?” Aria asked, sensing Spencer’s need to immediately remove herself from the room. Spencer chewed her lip and turned her head so Aria couldn’t see the wheels in her mind beginning to turn. To conjure up the perfect lie in a mere five seconds was a specialty that Spencer happened to have perfected, courtesy of the one Alison DiLaurentis. 

“I just remembered that I have a chem test today, and I totally forgot to study.”

Aria unstuck herself lazily from the couch. “You? Forgetting to study? Did the aliens snatch your brain?” She padded over to Spencer, who had began to subtly tip toe backwards toward the staircase. The smaller brunette wrapped an arm around Spencer’s waist, softly knocking on the taller girl’s head. She pretended to listen carefully and giggled, “Nope, it’s still in there.”

Untangling herself from Aria’s arms was a trick itself. But if Aria was the prop, Spencer was the magician. She hopped up one stair and looked down at Aria. Well, even more so. “I did kind of have a major distraction last night,” Spencer said, using a forced smirk to cover up her anxiety. Aria leapt up a step and grabbed onto the railing to steady herself. Spencer automatically backtracked up another step, eyes still glued to Aria’s. “So now you’re going to blame me for breaking your study habits?” Aria asked coyly, slinking ever so slowly up the stairs toward the taller girl. “Maybe I should help you “study” again. This time upstairs…”

Spencer lost her footing on the carpeted platform and her foot slid at an awkward angle. “You do realize that school starts in a hour, right?” She asked, wincing in pain and reaching a hand down to rub the bruising side of her foot. 

Aria bit her lip and looked up at the Hastings girl from underneath her long lashes. “That’s plenty of time…”

Spencer shook her head a little too forcefully, finally making it to the top of the staircase. “As much as I’d love to, you’d have to factor in studying, eating breakfast, getting dressed and ready-”

“Or undressed in this case,” Aria smiled smugly, reaching for the hem of Spencer’s pajama shirt. “Aria.” Spencer stopped her with her words. 

That’s when Aria paused, mouth agape, thick eyebrows turned inward. “Did I...do or say something wrong?” Her voice was so soft that Spencer barely heard her question. Guilt twisted her intestines as the smaller girl’s words held some sort of major vulnerability to them. 

“No, Aria,” Spencer sighed, running a hand through her messy hair. “It’s just...you know how I get before a major test. I have the good ole ‘Hastings reputation’ to live up to.”

“You know your family will still love you, even if you get a B+ on a test, Spence,” Aria mumbled. Spencer took the opportunity to play her escape card. She took both of Aria’s hands in her own, giving a quick kiss to the back of each for show before he shook them away. 

“Love they might, but disappointed they will definitely be,” the brunette grimaced, spinning on her throbbing ankle. “So I’ll start studying now and meet up with you at school.” As she quickly made her way towards her room, she could hear a pair of socked feet echoing behind her. 

“Aria, I told you that I have to-”

“I know, Spence, it’s just that, I don’t know...I was kind of hoping for a goodbye kiss or something…” But then Aria pursed her lips and her eyes narrowed as if she were deep in thought. “That sounded stupid, I’m sorry.”

“You’re not stupid,” Spencer cooed, drawing the shorter girl into her. She couldn’t deny the fact that her heart was beating very hard, for reasons different than they had been last night. Now she feared that her heart was beating out of alarm instead of what she thought to be a powerful emotion that rhymed with glove...

Spencer’s breath caught in her throat. Who was she about to kiss? Aria….or A? Well, whoever she was delivering her lips to, the kiss was very chaste, but it still left both girls breathless. 

“See you at school,” was all Spencer could manage to say before stepping into her room and shutting Aria out. Before the door clicked in place, Spencer swore she saw a glint of some foreign emotion in Aria’s eyes. Disappointment. 

\---

There was no way in hell Spencer was going to school today. Chemistry quiz or not, Spencer could care less. There were much bigger fish to fry at the moment. And those fish sure were slippery. 

She needed to time to think. To mull over every A instance and pick the scenes apart, digging for dirt on one of her closest friends, who, had become even closer to Spencer the previous night. 

As she sat, brushing her hair into a loose and wavy side ponytail, she considered her options of venues. There was The Brew, but she was afraid she’d run into someone she knew there. And then a flood of questions would come rushing at her as to why she wasn’t at school. 

Suddenly remembering the previous day’s activities, with a slight blush creeping up her neck, Spencer was reminded of the small diner somewhere outside of town. That would be perfect. Unless Wren was there. He wouldn’t be there this early, would he? 

She hoped not. Then there’d be even more harrowing trouble to this entire mess. And right now, she was up to her neck in the horrible clutter of her life. 

Spencer slipped into her favorite booties, tugging a burgundy cardigan over her shoulders. Fall was approaching fast and Spencer couldn’t be more excited if she tried. It was her absolute favorite time of the year. But hopefully this year, the only thing dying would be the leaves. She hoped. 

\---

Spencer was scared. It was the first time she had admitted that to herself since receiving her first A text asking to be an **A** ssistant of sorts. Now Spencer sat at the same booth both she and Wren had occupied earlier. It was weird, staring across from her at the vacant seat. Almost as if a ghost of Wren was haunting the space. 

When the waitress placed a steaming cup of coffee down in front of her, Spencer was reminded of how grateful she was that she didn’t have the same waitress as last time. This woman had bouncy ginger curls that framed her face and made her rosy cheeks stand out. She looked almost a few years older than Spencer. 

After thanking the woman, the brunette took a tentative sip of the piping hot liquid, not allowing herself to recoil from the molten lava now seeping into her taste buds. Yep, it was like drinking fire. Or licking the sun’s surface. Eyes watering, she quickly glanced around to make sure no one was watching before she spat it back into the cup, wiping the drops from around her mouth. 

This seemed to be happening a lot lately. Metaphorically speaking. She didn’t actually go around drinking way too hot coffee and spitting it back out. She instead went around absorbing things she thought she could handle, only to let them completely consume her in the end until it was all too much. 

She racked her brain, mentally going through the A texts that had been sent to her. She fished in her pocket for her phone, quickly pulling up all of the texts. Fresh reminders burned into her retinas. Most of them had included Spencie, one or two lacking the nickname. 

_Black looks good on you, Spencie! -A_

Had that really been Aria? Spying on her as well? Spencer felt her stomach flip. No. It couldn’t be. Aria wouldn’t do that to her. 

_Your friend Emily’s got a pretty hot date tonight. Why not make it hotter and turn up the heat? 16 point letter score for the word combustion, Spencie! Kisses -A_

That was Scrabble night. Spencer’s heart immediately sunk as she realized she’d gone into the Montgomery’s kitchen, away from Aria, as soon as she received the text. Her heart began to hammer as she conjured up more and more clues. 

Aria and Noel had been sucking face before he was mysteriously killed, tied off in the woods like some sort of game. Before her ‘Spencie’ lead on Aria, however, Spencer had considered that A was Mona, reverted back to her old ways. Now, she wasn’t so sure. 

She couldn’t completely rule Mona out, but she didn’t exactly have enough proof to call her A either. Besides, what would Mona want out of torturing Spencer _only_? The only thing Mona would want was Noel dead after she watched him basically swallow Aria’s tongue. But then again, with Noel dead, Mona would never get a chance with him.

Everything was such a confusing mess. Spencer took another sip of her coffee, her taste buds still burning. 

Then there were her dreams. Her oh so wacky as hell dreams. A few neon flashing signs stood out dramatically to her. Like when Alison had told her, _“Don’t you ever see what’s right in front of you? Open your eyes, Spencer...You’re about as blind as Jenna. It’s all written out in front of you. Look A little closer…”_

Had the mean spirited blonde meant something about Aria? Spencer shook her head roughly, a scowl overtaking her features. No, that was stupid. They were just dreams. Silly little dreams. Like the squirrel Ezra dream. Spencer shuddered. 

Wait.

Ezra.

The pictures.

Spencer slammed her mug of coffee down on the table, reaching a sort of break through. The previous night she’d received a text to expose Ezra and Aria’s relationship. Not only that, but she’d also been gifted physical photocopies of the intimate exchange between the pair. 

Aria would never want to tarnish her reputation, let alone Ezra’s. That would be a stupid mistake. Or…

A genius way to push Ezra out of the so called picture, and into a barred jail cell. Spencer’s brain was reeling. Conspiracy after conspiracy scraped through her mind, hiding just behind her eyes as mental movies were formed to accompany these thoughts. 

But why?

Why would Aria put her so called friends in such perilous dangers? What were her motives? What was Spencer missing?

She sat back, deep in thought. Spencer was smart. She could figure this out.

Ironically, at the exact moment when her eyes unfocused from staring at the coffee swimming in her mug, her phone buzzed. 

Blinking rapidly to clear her cloudy vision, she dived for her phone, not surprised by the text blinking on her screen. 

_Hey where are u?_

Of course Aria would be texting her when Spencer was seconds away from making a horrific conclusion about her. But then again, she was always taught not to judge a book by its cover. Well, that’s what _she_ believed in. Her parents and sister had thought otherwise.

But that wasn’t important right now. She typed back a short and simple reply, biting her lip hard in the process. This was it. This would determine whether the smaller brunette was guilty or not. 

_Mickey’s burgers and steaks. Meet me here?_

She hit send.

\---

After an _“Of course. Be there in 10”_ , and ten minutes later, the bell above the diner door chimed, sending Spencer’s heart rate through the roof. She nervously drummed her fingers on the table, staring straight ahead, and pretended like she didn’t hear the door open. 

Only when a smaller brunette plopped down in the seat opposite of her did Spencer acknowledge her existence. She gave her significant other a weak smile and stirred her cold coffee with a spoon.

“So how come you ditched school? I thought you had a ‘major chem test’ you had to study for.”

Oh, god. This was it. Spencer’s insides churned like clothes in a frickin’ washing machine. 

She took an enormously sharp inhale. 

“You’re A.”

With no intentions of beating around the bush, and being extremely blunt, Spencer wasn’t the least bit surprised at how slippery the words tumbled out of her mouth. She was, however, remarkably shocked by Aria’s reaction.

The shorter brunette was cackling, yes actually _cackling_ like a fucking witch, and gripping the edge of the table so hard that her knuckles had faded to a ghostly white. “You...think _I’m_...A?!” She snorted between huffs of laughter. 

Spencer all but laughed. In fact, her face hadn’t even shifted an inch, let alone twitch with any hidden emotions. As soon as Aria realized that Spencer was not, in fact, joking, she slowly let her laughter die out. “Wait you’re serious?”

“Yes,” Spencer insisted, sliding prominently upward in her booth seat. “After you called me Spencie this morning I-”

“You’re still going on about this whole this whole “Spencie” thing?” Aria suddenly butt in, her eyebrows slanting in confusion. “I told you I didn’t say that.”

“But you did!” Spencer whined loudly, immediately lowering her gaze as an on looking waitress glared at her. “You called me Spencie this morning just like you did in all your little A texts.”

“Wait, what? Spencer, that wasn’t...I didn’t-”

“Yes, Aria, you did. You set me up. So many times. After all this, I just want to know. Why? Why did you pit me against _our_ friends? Why did you cause me so much damn anxiety? Why did you finally admit feelings to me?” The last part of Spencer’s rant came out as a choked whisper. Aria fumbled for words.

“I can’t believe you,” Spencer spat, folding her arms over her chest and narrowing her eyes to slits. “I can’t believe after all the hell you put me through, to make it even worse, you decided to toy with my emotions.”

Aria was flummoxed, her eyes glazed in utter shock. “You think I did this? You think after everything we’ve been through, it’d come full circle around to me? Is everything either fact or fiction to you?” 

The shorter girl’s face twisted into an irritated scowl. “I thought I understood you, Spencer. I gave up everything. For _you_. And you think it’s okay to just accuse me, without even any sort of explanation from me, and say that I don’t care? Maybe you should take a look in the mirror, Spence. Maybe it’s you who doesn’t care.”

“Of course I care!” Spencer hissed, sliding her coffee angrily down the table. “Nothing that you’re saying is even making sense. I know you sent those texts, I know you messed with my head, and I know you were the one threatening me.”

“Then I guess you don’t really know me,” Aria shot back icily, pushing herself down the bench of the booth. Spencer gritted her teeth and made a move to stand as well. “Really? You’re just going to leave?” She growled.

Aria turned her head, only slightly, giving Spencer the opportunity to catch the bit of makeup that was sloshing down her cheeks in thin streams of tears. In the heat of the moment, all Spencer could yell out was, “That’s right! Go crawling right back to hiding behind that fucking phone screen and black hoodie!”

The little bell above the diner chimed, pulling Spencer from her rage. As soon as she snapped out of it, she realized that she was panting in angry huffs, glaring at everything in view. When she made eye contact with the waitress, she furiously stomped out of the restaurant. 

How dare Aria lie, _again_ , to her face. There was no way in hell that anyone else in the entire universe would call her Spencie besides A. And what had Aria done? Called her Spencie. And lied about it. Twice. 

The facts were all laid out in front of her. And there was only one conclusion. Aria was A. And A had completely shattered her heart.   
\---

Spencer couldn’t stop crying. Like, she physically _could not_ stop crying. The ball of emotions she felt wedged in her gut was even tighter and more renowned than when Aria had left her crying in the school parking lot. Now the same girl had left her heartbroken, this time on the other side of the spectrum. 

She’d been sitting in her car for some time, forehead pressed against the steering wheel, eyes squeezed shut. There were for sure mascara smudges all over the wheel. But Spencer didn’t care. 

She wanted Aria out of her mind. Every time she thought of her as A, her stomach flipped like a pancake and she was left feeling hollow and used. Was it a lie? Aria’s feelings for her? She didn’t know. And she probably never would, judging by the fact that she never wanted to speak to the tiny, adorable brunette. Scratch that. _Tiny_ brunette. 

A small orange bottle glared at her from the cup holder. But Spencer just glared right back at it. Aria wasn’t going to turn her into a pill hungry monster. Well, more than she already was. Spencer closed her eyes, chin vibrating and the sting of tears washing down her face. 

This was the worst she’d ever felt. But now that she knew Aria was A, according to her facts and logic, what was she going to do? Turn her into the police? It felt so weird to be betrayed, but how weird would it feel to be the betrayer?

Spencer reached a trembling hand toward her phone, about to call Hanna and Emily, when a text came through. Numbed to the bone, her watery eyes traced over the characters, a flame of irritation igniting in her chest. 

_A is for answers, Spencer. And A is also for accident which is what I’m going to make your dear friend’s death look like unless you beat me to it. Swing on over, Spencer, and I’ll make it a playdate. Kisses! -A_

_What the fresh hell, Aria?_ Spencer’s blood had iced over and thin lines began to cross over her forehead. How dare she threaten the life of one of their friends. Ex friends in Aria’s case. 

She had to put an end to this. If she didn’t she’d probably shatter all of her teeth for how hard and often she was gritting them. Spencer threw the gear shift into drive, rubbing her eyes on the back of her sleeve angrily. Before she pressed down as hard as she could on the gas, however, she realized she had no idea where the hell Aria was holding one of her friends captive. 

Rereading the text was a cinch. It was decoding it that hurt Spencer’s brain. She chewed on her lip violently, the flame still burning behind her ribcage. _Swing on over, Spencer, and I’ll make it a playdate._

_Playdate._

Where had she and Aria and the girls used to go when they were little? Each other’s houses? Was Aria harboring one of her friends in her basement? Spencer ran a hand through her hair, tugging sharply at their roots.

_Swing on over._

_Swing. On. Over._

_Swing._

The old playground.

Spencer hit the gas as soon as the puzzle had clicked into place. Mickey’s slowly grew smaller in the rearview mirror, leaving behind empty anxieties and bringing forth growing frustration and pure anger. That was enough for Spencer to dig her fingernails so deep into the leather bound steering wheel that she was afraid, somewhere in her subconscious, that she’d break a nail in the process. 

Buildings blurred past as furious thoughts swirled around like pissed off wasps in Spencer’s mind. This had gone on long enough. It was time for Spencer to put an end to this little game. And she sure as hell was going to win. Because nobody ever beats a Hastings. 

\----

Spencer slammed her car door shut with much more force than she’d intended. She was parked at the edge of the woods, hands balled into tight little fists. Hopefully, this would be the last time she’d ever have to lay eyes on the traitorous miniscule brunette. 

As she picked her way through the vegetation, she was painfully reminded of her recent dreams. Oh, how she wished it were a week ago. When everything was still a mystery. And she could like Aria in the comfort of her own mind, avoiding confrontation in real time. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get away from Rosewood. From all the threats, and Aria, and emotions. But Spencer knew running never solved anything. She had to end this once and for all.

She could just see the tip of the swing set through the foliage when a rustling noise distracted her. Spencer froze like a deer in headlights and swiveled her head toward the direction of the sound. 

A black hooded figure came barreling out of the forest at full speed, aimed directly towards Spencer. She yelped in surprise and dove for cover, stumbling over a fat tree root and scraping her knee against a badly placed rock. When she turned to brace herself for the blow she knew Aria would deliver, she was befuddled to see the girl standing just in front of her with her back turned. 

“Take off your hood, Aria! You’re such a fucking coward for hiding behind it!” Spencer bellowed, resting on her forearms in utter surrender. Her lower back was smashed against the leaf litter and she could feel the blood already soaking through her pants. 

The black hooded figure spun on their heel, head down and arm raised as if they were going to throw back their hood in the next second. Spencer awaited in mere anticipation, her insides curdling with disgust as she knew who was about to be revealed to her. In the blink of an eye, however, the masked foe was turning and sprinting once more through the forest. Spencer threw her fist down hard on the rock and kicked her leg at an awkward angle. _Dammit!_

Enraged, Spencer hobbled to a standing position, her fury masking the pain that was now engulfing her leg. A was probably long gone and she was a fucking idiot for not jumping her when she had the chance. 

With every ounce of energy she had left, Spencer fought through the dying vegetation and broke free on the other side facing the swing set. Which, to Spencer’s complete disgust, was absolutely vacant. She’d been set up. Again. 

That’s when Spencer began to breathe heavily, her scowl deepening, if that was even possible. She couldn’t believe how stupid she’d been to fall for Aria’s horrible tricks again. 

Another round of leaf shuffling suddenly sounded behind her and this time, Spencer wasted no time in limping as fast as she could towards the noise. But, to her disappointment, it was not A that was jumping around in the leaves. It was a man. 

“Ezra?”

The stocky male English teacher came stumbling out of the woods, his face twisted into a grimace. It looked like he hadn’t slept in a few days and his face was covered in patches of sparse hair.

“Oh, Spencer, what are you doing here?” He awkwardly clambered over a stone and made his way toward the fuming brunette. “I could ask you the same thing,” she growled.

Ezra cocked his head in confusion. “Aria told me to meet me here. Said she had a surprise for me.”

Now it was Spencer’s turn to be confused. “But...I thought she broke it off with you last night…?” Ezra let out a bark of laughter, quick to shake his head ‘no’. “She didn’t break up with me, if that’s what you’re asking. I didn’t even see her after school yesterday.”

As much as Spencer hated Ezra Fitz’s guts, she was not going to let him be the next obituary for the town. “Ezra, you have to leave, right now.”

“Leave? But Aria said she was planning something really special. I was thinking maybe a picnic or something. Look, I even brought my own beverage.” He held up a dorky looking water bottle with some Shakespeare quote scrawled across the plastic. 

“No, you don’t understand,” Spencer pleaded with him, going as far as to tug on his sweater. Whatever the hell Aria was planning probably didn’t involve any romantic picnics. And Ezra was not getting that through his thick skull. “Aria’s dangerous.”

“Dangerous?” Ezra scoffed, brushing Spencer’s hands away from his clothes. “Aria’s the opposite of dangerous. She’s like a tiny little bunny.”  
“Well then Thumper’s got rabies,” Spencer quipped. “Don’t you get it, Ezra? _Aria’s A_.”

“You can’t be serious,” Ezra chuckled, sensing Spencer was just joking. In the midst of his laughter, he happened to glance down at Spencer’s blood soaked knee. “Oh my god, Spencer, are you okay? What happened?” 

Ignoring him, Spencer shielded her leg with her hands and glared up at him. “I’m not joking, Ezra. You’re in serious danger. You have to leave before she shows up again.”

He made no notion of leaving and instead swung his water bottle around his index finger. “You know, I thought Hastings were supposed to be smart.”

A deep cleft once again formed between Spencer’s eyebrows. “We are, it’s just that I really don’t think the tiny cut on my leg should be swapped in place for the conversation of you needing to leave before you end up buried six feet under.”

“I’m not talking about your leg,” Ezra implied quietly, dropping his water bottle to the dusty earth. “Then what are you….” Spencer’s blood suddenly ran ice cold as if she had had a transfusion with water from the Arctic. In her feeble attempts to grasp whatever the hell was going on, her leg gave out and she crumbled the ground in a blood soaked mess. 

“It was you,” she whispered. A devilish Cheshire cat grin spread across Ezra’s lips and he even had the audacity to bow. “Surprise.”

The walls Spencer had built up around her all came crashing down, leaving her to face the rubble. “W-why?” Was all she managed to croak out.

Ezra put his hands behind his back and began to pace back and forth, little chortles escaping his paled lips every now and then. “That’s what they always want to know. Why? Not who, but why? What were the motives? The reasoning behind everything that happened. Care to take a guess, _Spencie_?”

She might as well have been shot through the heart with that horrific blow. It was as if Spencer’s mind had forgotten how to form sentences. Ezra paused his pacing, eyes wild and staring daggers directly into Spencer’s.

“Tick tock, time’s up,” Ezra snapped, whipping a handgun from behind his back. Spencer felt a cold rush wash over her back, heart pounding painfully against her chest. It was like someone had forced her to swallow a dry, heavy weight and it had settled at the pit of her stomach. Her nerves were on fire and Ezra was doubled over in reaction to her actions. 

“The answer, Spencer, is you.”

“Me?” Spencer choked out, far too scared to care that her voice had broken in half. 

“Yes, you,” Ezra spat, drawing nearer to Spencer. He pointed the length of the gun toward the spot in between her eyebrows. “You were the one getting in the way of my relationship. With Aria.”

“It was going so smoothly...until you came along. You took away her focus from me, and stole her away. Until I forced her to subdue to my every command under the alias of A. You like that? A as in the letter A from the Scarlet Letter?” He laughed manically and all Spencer could do was helplessly watch in horror. 

“I _made_ her send you those texts, Spencer. It was either stay in the relationship with me and help me take you down, or she and her entire family dies. I find it funny how you actually thought it was her behind the mask. Or hood in this case.”

“I told Aria that if she told a single soul about this whole thing, it was lights out. That’s when she “agreed” to help me out. I wanted you in the most dangerous positions so that if the guilt from hurting your friends didn’t kill you, the traumas of the tasks would. That, or everyone you love would turn against you.”

His jaw was set and Spencer was trembling under the gun’s aim.

“Those pictures of me and Aria? I knew you would be too goody two shoes to actually turn us in, so in turn that would give me an excuse to hurt you right where you’re most sensitive. I just can’t believe you went as far as to call her out on it.”

“And you probably confronted her face to face, didn’t you? Thinking you were the big, bad, super smart Hastings that had solved the puzzle and crime. Priceless,” Ezra pretended to wipe a tear away from the corner of his eye. 

“I only wish I would’ve been there to see it. But I did get to witness the look of pure terror that Noel Kahn gave me after I stole the life from his arrogant little body. That disgusting little horndog was about to jump head first into Aria’s pants. Thank god you were so wasted, otherwise he might still be alive today. And that wouldn’t be good, would it?”

Ezra shook his head in utter disgust. “So basically, Spencer,” he sighed, adjusting his hold on the gun. “It was all your fault. See, if you would’ve just stayed with the carpenter, we’d all be in English right now, having a grand ole time.”

As subtle as she could, Spencer began to paw the ground around her, keeping her eyes glued to Rosewood’s local maniac. She was blindly searching for anything...a rock...preferably sharp. Ezra was about to throw his scissors but Spencer might be able to counter with rock.

“I’m going to make it look like you lured me here as your last victim. And then,” his eyes were crazy, “I’ll turn the tables and kill you, looking like Rosewood’s new hero. I mean, Jessica DiLaurentis already thinks you killed her daughter. Add a little pill abuse and addiction, lust for someone unavailable, and your anal habits, and I’ll have everyone fooled.”

“You’re a monster,” Spencer breathed as Ezra cocked his gun, finger ready to pull the trigger to end it all. “Yeah, but those are the best characters in the story. And right now, I’d say your story is just a few pages shy of the ending.”

“I don’t think so!” 

And just like in her wildest dream, A was being thrown sideways, the firearm sliding freely over the sunburned grass. Only, it wasn’t Spencer that had been tackling the issue at hand. 

Rather, it was a cheeky, blush stained blonde, eyes like chips of fiery blue ice. She was using all of her strength, clad in a red coat fittingly, to hold the struggling psychopath to the ground. 

“Spencer, run!” 

What a shock to witness your lover’s psychotic ex boyfriend and your supposedly dead friend roll around in the dirt, each trying their hand at reaching the gun first. But it was Ezra’s fingers that wrapped around the weapon, drawing Alison in by a tight hold around her neck. “Spencer, go!” The blonde shouted, kicking her attacker in the shins. Ezra pressed on, rounding on Spencer. 

Thinking quickly on her feet, Spencer darted underneath the gun’s aim and quickly disappeared into the surrounding forest.

“Hey! If you let me get away, all of this will have been for nothing!” The brunette yelled, sliding around the trunk of a tree so she’d be hidden in plain sight. She could her Alison grunting and Ezra shouting, “Come out, Spencer. It’s over….you can either make Alison’s death easy...or hard…”

Strangely enough, her dreams had been oddly helpful during the days events. So, as Spencer pulled one of her more disgusting ones from her vault, starring Ezra as a squirrel, she was suddenly hit with a brilliant idea. 

The brunette crouched low to the ground, desperately searching for the object she needed so badly in this moment. 

Gotcha.

Spencer scooped up a handful of acorns, aimed well deeper into the woods, and threw them as hard as she could. Peeking out from the foliage, she could see Ezra’s attention snap to the new sounds. He began to pick his way over to that area, Alison squirming like a snake in his tight grip.

As soon as Ezra’s full attention was honed in on the area where the nuts had landed, Spencer took off as quietly as she could, tracing his footsteps. And suddenly she was flinging herself onto his back, crying out with extreme adrenaline. In his moment of weakness, Alison had managed to twist around, sock the English professor square in the nose, and wriggle out of his grasp. 

Spencer dug her nails into his sweater, holding on for dear life as she tried her hardest to knock him to the ground once again. It was like riding one of those mechanical bulls at the fair. 

Underneath her, A was trying his hardest to shake the annoying girl from his shoulders. “Dammit! Alison!” He roared, firing off a few rounds. Spencer’s eyesight was blurred as she was tossed this way and that way, but her hearing was working perfectly fine as she heard the alarmed scream from her blonde companion. Momentarily distracted, Spencer was thrown from Ezra’s back, smashing her head hard into the earth beneath her. 

“Now,” Ezra snarled, hovering over the cowering brunette. “You’re going to know exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped from your chest and shredded into a million pieces.”

Breathing heavily, Spencer squeezed her eyes shut realizing that the last things she’d ever hear were the sound of Ali’s cries and the soft grunts Ezra was making. 

God, if she were given the chance to continue on with life, she’d grab it by the horns and change her ways. She’d sober the fuck up and go through therapy to help with her depression and anxiety. She’d throw her heart and soul into her apologies directed at Aria. She’d appreciate every little moment with Melissa, even the ones where her sister called her ugly.

But now, she braced herself for the worst. Blood rushed in her ears, filling her mind with the sounds of a thunderous ocean and blocking every other noise out.

Only, nothing came. No bullet. No pain. No emptiless void. 

Tentatively, she popped an eye open, only to see that Ezra was not in front of her anymore. Instead, he was on the ground, a third figure pinning him down. Spencer realized that his gun had been dropped inches in front of her and she daringly snatched it up, making her way to the struggling duo on the ground. 

“Give it up, Aria!” Ezra’s throaty voice ranging out, plunging an icy fist into Spencer’s chest and tearing out her heart. Only then did the taller brunette recognize that the second figure was indeed Aria. 

Their gazes locked for a brief moment before Aria was toppled to the ground. Spencer held the gun unsteadily, shaking like a leaf as she pointed it in Ezra’s direction. “How does it feel to be a piece in this so called game?” She spat, rounding on him, her gaze never once wavering from his. “How does it feel to be hunted? Threatened? Well now I get to decide how this game ends.”

“Then shoot me like the killer you are,” Ezra challenged. Aria had regained her footing and was now holding both of his arms behind his back. Alison had made her way over as well, one hand on her upper shoulder, blood seeping through her fingers.

Spencer slowly stalked forward and pressed the gun against Ezra’s sweaty forehead. His bangs were clumped together in messy, wet strands, and she pushed them aside in order to look directly into his soulless eyes. “Game over, A.”

She watched as Ezra stared directly back at her, taking no notion to close his eyes in order to hide away from the inevitable. But Spencer merely pulled the gun back, her eyes turning to ice. “You’re not getting out that easy. You’re going to rot in prison because you lost at your own sick game.”

As if on cue, red and blue flashes danced through the vegetation, dappling the leaves in mini strobing patterns. Spencer dropped the gun to the ground and held her hands up, backing away slowly as a swarm of Rosewood police officers broke through the greenery.

As soon as Ezra was cuffed snuggly by the officers, Spencer enveloped Aria in an enormous hug, extremely thankful that she was still alive to see the smaller brunette. 

“I’m so sorry for everything,” Spencer cried, burying her tears in the shorter girl’s shoulder. Aria patted her on the back, whispering, “It’s okay, Spencer, it’s okay.”

There were so many words on her tongue that she wished to say to Aria, but for right now, in this moment, a hug of this intensity would do the justice. There would be plenty of time later for heartfelt apologies. 

As soon as the psychopath had been cleared away, the trio of girls were escorted to the back of an ambulance, Alison smiling weakly at the other two. 

“Did you miss me?”


	10. scrAbbling to the end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Liars play a game of Scrabble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHIT YOU GUYS. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO GET AROUND TO WRITING THIS CHAPTER. MANY APOLOGIES I'M SUCH LAZY TRASH AFKJHSDLKJ. BUT HERE IT IS. EVEN THOUGH IT'S SHORT AF. BUT LEAVE A COMMENT IF YOU WANT, SUGGESTING ANY OTHER FIC IDEAS! WOOO HERE WE GO.
> 
> Twitter: @neptuneclarke

Spencer slowly pushed the cool metallic door open as she stepped out into the bright sunshine. She had just finished her weekly therapy session and she was feeling quite refreshed. 

It had been almost two months since the horrific terrors of A had subsided, locked away by the hands of Rosewood’s finest. Toby kept her updated on Ezra’s trial, his sentence still unknown to her. She just hoped that she’d never have to see him again. 

The breeze that tickled her face carried the soft warming scents of spring. Spencer smiled as she relished in the beauty that the Earth was returning to them. It had been a long winter, that was for sure. 

“Hey there, Spencie.”

Spencer all but shuddered at the old nickname that used to haunt her. Instead, a knowing grin stretched across her face as she locked eyes with the owner of the voice. “Munchkin,” she replied haughtily, her smile ever present. 

Aria smirked, jingling her keys in front of Spencer. “See? I made it on time. 3 PM sharp, just like you said.”

“Aria, it’s 3:01. You’ve failed me,” Spencer dramatically cried, holding a hand over her forehead. The smaller brunette only scrunched up her nose, knowing that it was Spencer’s kryptonite. “Ahhhhh, see, you’re only making it worse!” Spencer wobbled on one foot as if she were about to faint. 

Aria tugged at Spencer’s hand and pulled her in close to prevent her from falling. “You are seriously such a damn dork,” she smirked, drawing Spencer in for a soft kiss. Spencer’s heart still leapt, even after all this time. 

She gently cupped Aria’s face, unable to contain her trembling grin. The duo broke apart in giggles, Aria’s dark lipstick smudged and Spencer feeling something sticky on her mouth. She promptly wiped the back of her hand over her lips, eyes warming when Aria once again took her free hand. 

They walked in comfortable silence to Aria’s car, Spencer reluctantly dropping the shorter girl’s hand to shoulder into the car. When they were both buckled up, Aria started the car and shifted into reverse. “How was therapy?”

Spencer took a breathy sigh before answering. “It was...better than last time. And that’s only the case because I didn’t end up crying this time. Although, I suppose it felt good getting some of that darker stuff off of my chest. You know?”

Aria nodded silently, reaching across the console to take Spencer’s hand. “I just want you to know, Spence, that I’ll always be here for you no matter what demons you had or have. I love you, Spencer Jill Hastings.”

Spencer didn’t know if she’d ever get used to hearing that phrase. Maybe never. 

She squeezed her girlfriend’s hand.

“I love you too, Aria Marie Montgomery.”

 

\---

“You cannot play that word, Em! Tell her, Spence!”

Alison, Emily, Aria, Hanna, and Spencer sat around a Scrabble board in Spencer’s barn, tiles littering the space around them. Alison was currently doubled over in a fit of laughter over Emily’s freshly played word. 

Hanna’s eyebrows were furrowed in frustration over the word that the tanned swimmer had put down. “If I couldn’t play ‘ew’, then why would Emily be able to play ‘vag’?” 

That’s when Aria busted out laughing, gasping for oxygen over the seriousness in Hanna’s tone. “Gotta play the cards you’re dealt, Han.”

“Can you just…” the seething blonde swiveled to face Spencer. “Check the Scrabble dictionary or whatever?” Spencer nodded, trying her best not to crack a smile. She knew, knew that the word was able to be played. She just didn’t want to let Hanna know that just yet. 

Alison was biting her lip hard, trying her best not to add anymore laughter to the cauldron that would lead to the explosion of Hanna’s frustrations. Emily threw a hand over the blonde’s mouth, cupping a secret smile behind it. They shared a small glance and a scarlet tinge washed over their cheeks. 

Spencer shifted her gaze towards the small book that was now nestled in her palms. “Okay,” she said, flipping quickly through the pages. “Vag,vag,vag…” she mumbled quietly to herself, her eyes skirting the pages for the notorious ‘V’ word. Aria giggled every time Spencer whispered the word, Hanna throwing daggers in everyone’s direction.

“Hmmm,” Spencer drawled, dragging a finger down the neat columns stretched across the pages. “Ah...here it is.” She twisted the book around to show the rest of the girls. Hanna was fuming as the remaining three girls exploded into a raging fit of laughter. 

“Whatever,” Hanna pouted, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. “I’m still winning.”

“Hate to break it to you, Han, but…”

Spencer placed a simple letter ‘Z’ above the ‘A’ in Emily’s ‘VAG’. Ha, Spencer thought. Emily’s VAG.

“Za? ZA!?” Hanna practically yelled, snatching the Scrabble dictionary from the space Spencer had dropped it. She wildly tore through the pages, Spencer smirking the entire time. 

When the pages stopped whirring, and Hanna’s eyebrows had knit closer together (if that was even possible), Aria put a hand on the blonde’s shoulder. 

“Aw, it’s okay, Han. Not all of us are secretly mind-blowing geniuses like Professor X over there.” She flicked her eyes toward Spencer. The taller brunette only shrugged, more out of modesty than gloating. 

“Plus, the game’s not even over yet,” Alison chided playfully. She shared a smug look with the tanned brunette beside her and Spencer’s eyes narrowed. Something was up between the pair, and it wasn’t just the debate of if they were “officially” together or not. 

But, as she knew from experience, Spencer was a good detective. She could figure this out. 

As Alison began laying her tiles down, Spencer scanned the blonde’s face for any signs of what she had planned. That is, until Emily shifted ever so slightly. That’s when Spencer’s eyes darted to the swimmer, widening in a newfound realization. 

“Cheaters!” Spencer accused, throwing a pointed finger at the pair. Alison froze, hand hovering over the part of the board where she had just spelled out ‘LILIES”. Emily chewed her lip in order to fight back a guilty smile. 

“You’ve been swapping tiles with Ali, huh, Em?” The taller brunette asked, a knowing grin starting to stretch across her face. 

Hanna leaned back on her hands, extending a socked toe towards the swimmer. “Wow, Em, I knew you were hardcore whipped for Ali, but cheating? Even I wouldn’t do that.”

“Shut up, Han, you know you’re just still salty over the whole ‘ew’ ‘vag’ ordeal,” Alison giggled, earning a playful punch from the other blonde. “But riddle me this,” Hanna started, her gaze flicking between the board and Alison. “Did you cheat with Emily’s VAG, too?”

The entire barn was dead silent, both of the cheating girls’ faces flushed. And then, all at once, laughter exploded like a heated firecracker. Emily and Aria were doubled over, gasping for breath, Hanna shaking so hard that she thought she would pee herself. Spencer laughed along with them; thankful that this was a genuine laugh. A moment she could share with her friends that would be in pure bliss.

She wasn’t entirely over the events of the previous month, but it was a start. She had started with telling the girls everything that had happened. From the black hoodie, to the texts and missions, and even, reluctantly, the pills.

When her therapist had offered to start her on antidepressants, she had refused, opting instead for a healthier treatment. She did a lot of yoga with Aria. It was always humorous to see the tiny peanut flail through poses or topple over. 

She had cleaned herself up on her own. It’d been hard. So hard. There were moments where she’d wanted to break so bad. But then she thought of Aria. And Emily. And Hanna, and Alison. Melissa. Her parents. New opportunities and adventures. It was a roller coaster ride, indeed. But just like a real one, she felt much better after she got off the ride. 

Aria had coaxed her through most of it. Tempting her with longer snuggles in the morning if she did her breathing rituals at night. Cooking her breakfast on the days where the effects of kicking her addiction made themselves strongly present. Kissing her gently and whispering words of encouragement. It was all Spencer had ever dreamed of. 

Well, that and beating Melissa at something. 

But now, as they sit playing a simple game of Scrabble, Spencer can’t seem to understand how she got so lucky. Maybe she had A to thank for bringing them all closer together. She had stolen his win and look where he was now. 

“Since Emison over here couldn’t play it _straight_ ,” Hanna says pointedly, making emphasis on the word ‘straight’. “How about we go in and watch a movie? I’m up for a romcom right about now.”

Spencer nodded, swiveling to grab the bag of tiles. “Hold on,” Aria chimed in, placing a soft hand on Spencer’s wrist. “I was just about to win the game.”

Spencer grinned at her girlfriend and tilted her chin towards the board. “Go on then, Munchkin. Try to beat me.”

Aria carefully placed her tiles down, one at a time, calculating her total score as she went. When she had dropped the last one into the final space, she clapped her hands together and met Spencer’s eyes. “Looks like you lost, Spencie. I won the bet.”

“Bet? What bet?” Emily asked, eyeing the pair. Spencer bit her lip as Aria smirked mischievously. “Spencer has to wear one of my craziest outfits to school this week.”

Alison cracked a smile. “Now who’s the whipped one?”

Spencer rolled her eyes but didn’t complain. Secretly, she was grateful for this little side bet. It gave her an excuse to be surrounded by something that would remind her of Aria at all times. Plus, the scent of her girlfriend would be wrapped around her nose all day. “Can’t wait,” she said, intending to purposefully sprinkle in a handful of sarcasm. 

As Hanna stood and stretched, Emily and Alison waited and then followed her across the yard towards Spencer’s house. Aria stayed behind, dumping her remaining tiles in the bag. “I can’t wait to pick out an outfit for you to wear.”

Spencer chewed on her lip, glancing up at the smaller brunette from under her eyelashes. “It’s a good thing you didn’t tell them the second part of the bet.” 

“They’d lose their flippin’ marbles if they knew.” Aria winked.

The second, unspoken part of the duo’s bet included Aria also getting to pick out Spencer’s outfit. But for a very _different_ occasion. 

There was a small tug in the pit of Spencer’s body and she couldn’t help herself from lurching forward and planting a soft, long kiss on Aria’s warm lips. When they broke apart, Spencer grabbed the tile rack closest to her and gently placed it in the box.

“I’ve got it from here if you want to go stop Hanna from picking out a stupid movie.”

“Like 50 First Dates?”

“You know I hate that one.”

Aria stood, brushing rogue dirt from her pants and tilted her head down. “Still don’t know why you haven’t gotten rid of it yet then.”

“It’s my dad’s favorite,” Spencer chuckled.

Aria shook her head softly, grinning as she planted a kiss on the top of Spencer’s head. “I’ll make sure she picks something good. Like The Princess Bride.”

“Inconceivable,” Spencer grinned, triggering the flashback of when Aria had admitted feelings for her that dark night. She watched her girlfriend wink and quietly pad through the door to the barn. 

Spencer sighed happily, admiring the tiny sliver of time when there was no noise except for the constant rhythm of her breathing. Like she did every time she cleaned a game of Scrabble, Spencer tossed the tiles from each word into the bag, one by one. She liked to start by removing the first word that had been placed there. 

When she had swept all but one word off the board, she sat back and studied it faintly. It was the final word Aria had played, winning the entire game. An eight letter word for an extremely wicked or cruel act starting with the letter A. 

And the A was for ATROCITY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheesy, I know. BUT. It's finished! It's been a wild ride. Thanks for all the support from everyone. I greatly appreciate it all <3


End file.
